Boyfriend won't stop drinking and I'm 2 months pregnant
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Zachary, LA
Posts: 3
Boyfriend won't stop drinking and I'm 2 months pregnant
Yes-I'm 2 months pregnant and my boyfriend of over 3 years won't stop drinking and won't get help for his drinking addiction. I know there's nothing I can do to save or help him; unless, he first helps himself. I've tried to establish boundaries, but those have failed because he has no-one too turn too. I love him dearly and don't want too lose him to this disease; is there anything I can do-anything?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 16
I was in your situation when I got pregnant as well. I went to Al-Anon and sought counseling, and it made a world of difference. It took time for me to truly understand that I couldn't control, didn't cause, and couldn't cure his alcoholism. He didn't give up drinking, in spite of my best efforts. I spent much of my pregnancy worrying about where he was and why he wasn't showing up. Even after the baby was born, he got worse! I had a newborn and a drunk, passed out boyfriend in the car outside. Not good. Now, my son is a year and a half, and I'm single. I can honestly say that being free of worrying where he is, what is wrong with me, and trying to fix him, that I am happier now than before.
So, my advice to you....do your very best to focus on yourself. Go to Al-Anon. Go to counseling. Offer support and encouragement to your bf, but know that he won't seek recovery until he is truly ready. My XABF went to AA-only cause I told him to, and gave him an ultimatum. He didn't keep going and says he went cause I forced him to. I still love and care about my child's father. But he's not in any place to be in a healthy relationship with me, or to be a consistent father to his child. It's not my job to save him, especially if he's not interested in saving himself right now....Leaving him didn't mean I don't care, or that he's a bad person, but it meant that after years and years, I needed to take care of my own needs and be a good role model for my son.
Good luck with your pregnancy...becoming a mother changed my life for the better,a nd I hope the same is true for you!
So, my advice to you....do your very best to focus on yourself. Go to Al-Anon. Go to counseling. Offer support and encouragement to your bf, but know that he won't seek recovery until he is truly ready. My XABF went to AA-only cause I told him to, and gave him an ultimatum. He didn't keep going and says he went cause I forced him to. I still love and care about my child's father. But he's not in any place to be in a healthy relationship with me, or to be a consistent father to his child. It's not my job to save him, especially if he's not interested in saving himself right now....Leaving him didn't mean I don't care, or that he's a bad person, but it meant that after years and years, I needed to take care of my own needs and be a good role model for my son.
Good luck with your pregnancy...becoming a mother changed my life for the better,a nd I hope the same is true for you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
depends on where you see yourself in the future...
do you see yourself with him as he is right now, in your future as well as that of your child's?
if not, leave him. in this case, for you and your child's sake, less is more.
why waste precious time and emotional energy wishing for him to get better? ultimatums are useless, as anewperspective pointed out. doesn't mean he's bad or evil or anything like that. just means that you're going to do what makes you and the baby happiest.
you can hang out and wish he'd change, and spend countless amounts of time wondering what it is about you and the baby that doesn't pull him toward sobriety, or you can lay the responsibility right where it belongs (on him), and dedicate your life to a happy future for you and your baby. i know it's not the whole white-picket fence thing that you may have imagined (so many of us have been there, right where you are right now).
if you can see daily torment in your rearview mirror, then you're headed in the right direction in my opinion.
i so wish you the best...
i feel for you. i was newly pregnant when i left my ex-husband. thought he'd love me and our unborn son enough to get sober.
if he wants to get sober, he'll do it with or without you.
do you see yourself with him as he is right now, in your future as well as that of your child's?
if not, leave him. in this case, for you and your child's sake, less is more.
why waste precious time and emotional energy wishing for him to get better? ultimatums are useless, as anewperspective pointed out. doesn't mean he's bad or evil or anything like that. just means that you're going to do what makes you and the baby happiest.
you can hang out and wish he'd change, and spend countless amounts of time wondering what it is about you and the baby that doesn't pull him toward sobriety, or you can lay the responsibility right where it belongs (on him), and dedicate your life to a happy future for you and your baby. i know it's not the whole white-picket fence thing that you may have imagined (so many of us have been there, right where you are right now).
if you can see daily torment in your rearview mirror, then you're headed in the right direction in my opinion.
i so wish you the best...
i feel for you. i was newly pregnant when i left my ex-husband. thought he'd love me and our unborn son enough to get sober.
if he wants to get sober, he'll do it with or without you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Chloe, read around other posts and see how alcoholics end up being with their partners and with their children. If that is what you wish for yourself go ahead and keep being with him.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
There is NOTHING you can do... rely on SR, on Alanon/12 step groups, your family, close friends. They can share their strength while you regain yours back. YOUR health and your life, your baby are what really matter. Let him carry his woes and his problems, those are his, not yours.
Hugs
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
There is NOTHING you can do... rely on SR, on Alanon/12 step groups, your family, close friends. They can share their strength while you regain yours back. YOUR health and your life, your baby are what really matter. Let him carry his woes and his problems, those are his, not yours.
Hugs
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I am always finding wisdom when I read the sticky posts at the top of this forum page. (stickies are the permanent posts at the top of main page)
This is one post that really helped me while I was living with active alcoholism in my home. Here is a link to the post that has steps which helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I am always finding wisdom when I read the sticky posts at the top of this forum page. (stickies are the permanent posts at the top of main page)
This is one post that really helped me while I was living with active alcoholism in my home. Here is a link to the post that has steps which helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
