Leemzer

So today is day 10 for me, and last night was the first really good night's sleep that I have had. I have read that alcohol suppresses REM sleep, but I never notice it unless I don't drink because I still dream rather vividly. But the dreams sans alcohol are Willy Wonka bizarre but interesting. I am wondering if this happened to any of you? It has happened every time I have ever gotten clean, but I didn't know if it was a universal thing.....

Reading Symmetry's post made me realize how much every single drink is a loaded gun for an alcoholic. I think, for me, the hardest thing I have to get in my skull is I simply CANNOT drink responsibly, and, thus, CANNOT drink AT ALL. I know this in my heart of hearts but my brain lies to my heart all the time...this has gotta stop.

As usual, I am having no trouble with abstinence, which scares me. I know I will go a long time without alcohol, but how will I resist that FIRST drink in the future? That is my biggest concern, and I am sure many binge alcoholics feel the same way...it is not the "day to day" for me it is the "when is it gonna be THAT day?" that scares me....I cannot become complacent in my sobriety this time...that is what I did last time and talked myself out of realizing that I was an alcoholic. Then it took me 16 months to get back on track....I'm not a kid anymore...16 months is a lot of time to waste...so sick of wasting time....

Hope everyone is well....

sugarbear1

Glad your REM is back. How's your SWS? That is important, too! (slow wave sleep)

Are you working a program of recovery to stay on top of your sobriety plans?

Vivid, realllly vivid dreams still occur for me at almost 11 months of sobriety.

Stay vigilant and stay stopped!!

Leemzer

Hey there. I have never been to an AA meeting. Am kind of petrified to do that as I know everyone in town. But I have said before I would give one a shot. Maybe on the other side of town? Not sure. I can stay on the straight and narrow for long periods, that is what I am concerned about. I am not sure going to meetings regularly would help with that. For now I am kind of just doing this board and reading of others' experiences.

It is very hard for me to accept all of this. I would almost rather that I had a daily drinking problem, as ridiculous as that sounds...I would know better how to battle it. For example I used to be SUPER addicted to cigarettes, but in 2 days it will be 15 years without one. The terror of a daily addiction forced me to change. This is more insidious than that.

As I read over these words my self-response is, "Buddy you of ALL people NEED to be in a meeting" LOL I really probably do....

I have considered the AA online to get my feet wet but know nothing about it...

sugarbear1

AA isn't the ONLY recovery program available. I'm just suggesting you have a back-up plan of sorts. AVRT might suit you better than AA. I believe it's a Rational Recovery type of program where you can not indulge those thoughts that tell you to drink.

I use AA as it is something I was introduced to in 1986. For me, I had to exhaust my drinking and surrender the fight. Even AA says it's not the only way to stay stopped and isn't for everyone!

Find something to supplement your recovery, besides SR, just in case the internet ever poops out (LOL). Something you can take with you in your mind to not pick up that first drink.

You gave up the cigs, you can stay stopped from picking up that first drink, too!

theatredork

I recommend AA too. You can always choose not to go back - but people are very welcoming. It's an interesting experience seeing people you know - actually for me it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. They are there because they want to stop drinking. And it's there that you learn how to ward off that first drink. Meet people you can call when you are feeling good, or bad, or having a craving, or where you can help people that just can't stay sober. Working a solid 12-step program should help you work through the underlying issues, and takes daily work. But that regular work means maybe there will never be another THAT day. And if there is you have a better chance of handling it.

It's not for everyone, but if you go in with an open mind you might find it helps.

Also, I've been sober for a little over a year now and now that I think about it - wow, yeah, those first few months of sober sleep - amazing. I do remember being tired too, but knowing I was getting better sleep.... getting sober is hard. Your body is fixing itself. But it is so worth it. And I get crazy vivid dreams (did when I was drinking too), but now I usually wake up feeling SOMETHING - which I think means my brain is working through issues I've been avoiding for years. And that has to be a good thing even if it is uncomfortable.

theatredork

Oh, also consider reading (even small parts) the Big Book - you can find it on the AA site or buy one - see if you identify with the people in it.

LilyMarie

I'm on day 4 and last night was my first semi-decent night of real sleep (minus the cold sweats) with actual dreams again. Granted, the entire night seemed to be one long dream where I was being chased around by zombies and man, was I ever a screaming, crying, wuss. If I can't be a badass in real life, I wish my dream-Me could at least TRY.

FLA

That's close to my problem, I've been having some WEIRD dreams. And also I'm a binge drinker weekends weekdays and then I go a few days without drinking. My last relapse was because I went 9 days without drinking and thought "hey I'm not craving alcohol so that must mean I'm not a alcoholic" then I drank 3 beers in less then ten minutes and realized i could not stop. Then I stayed drunk for a few weeks and here I am back to square one 7 days sober for me. You just have to learn how to manipulate your self into not drinking, just like it manipulates you into drinking... If that makes any sense.

LilyMarie

Makes perfect sense to me.

freshstart57

Yay, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!

FLA, you have the concept of gaining sobriety down pat, maybe lacking a bit on the execution? Every likely approach to sobriety known to mankind is found on these pages at SR. They all start with a plan, a decision about the future use of alcohol. Do you have a plan?

jstar

I'm on day 10 too now & wow, I totally agree about the dreams! I have been having the craziest dreams the past few days! When I was drinking every day, i don't know that I ever really dreamt at all. I'm still hard to wake in the morning, but that's because I stay up too late, not because I have a hangover!

I've been in & out of AA over the past few years & I think i'm finally starting to catch on to it. I was nervous going at first, but i'm getting over that as i can relate to so many people there. Despite what some will say about AA, there is alot of hope & friendship from the people you meet. Yes, there are sob stories too....but we've all been there. Those sad stories are what can remind us to stay sober.

Good luck finding a place to go for support. Getting a sponsor this time around is what is really helping me.