panda177

I apologize ahead of time if this ends up being a long post. I have never posted here before and never thought I would have the need to so this is all very new to me. So here goes nothing. I did not know about my boyfriends prior drug addiction (heroin) when we first got into our relationship. After I got pregnant over the course of the first 6 months or so he had about 3 episodes using Xanax and I slowly starting finding out about his past drug use. I told him I did not want drugs around our son and that wasn't the kind of enviroment I wanted to raise him in. A month before he was born my BF was acting weird I confronted him about the drug use threatened to leave, the next day I pick him up from his brothers house and he has a seizure while in the car, I drive him to the hospital where I find out it was because of an allergic reaction to methadone. After leaving the hospital he promised no more drug use claiming the seizure scared him and he doesn't want to die. I believed him just grateful he didn't die. A few uneventful weeks pass, our son was born on March 5th, couldn't be happier I feel like I was born to be a mother. About two weeks after he was born I notice my BF acting weird again of course he lies, finally get him to admit he was using he claims its just percocet I try to emotionaly sabatoge him into quitting of course I now realize that was wrong. Tell him he will never see his son again etc etc.... that night (about 3 days ago) while he is at work I look through his pants and I find a needle and a band. I was seriously in shock. I called a 1800 number trying to get help having never dealt with this. They told me to try and see if he would get help. That night when he got home I told him what I found and I said if he is willing to get help that I will support him and we can make this work but if not he has to leave I have to do what is best for our son. He said he does want help and he agreed to do an outpatient program because he works full time and cant afford to loose his job. So we go to where he went last time he quit only to find out they are closed now, and impact was closed for the day and we have to wait until the morning to call so we go home. I noticed him acting a little weird and he said he wanted to do laundry we live in an apt and the laundry is in the basement. I watch out of the window I see a car pull up 2 guys get out come to the front and after about a minute leave. He walks up and I tell him pack his stuff.... he tells me its valium to help him deal with the withdrawels until he can get help he shows me I look it up and it is valium. Not sure how to deal with that but knowing we are contacting impact in the am I let it go. So today we get ahold of an outpatient program but they cant get him in until tomorrow. He goes to work comes home and is acting funny again. How I became suspicious of him shooting up again was twice I found qtips missing one end of the cotton so I asked him what it was from and he had "no idea" well I didnt do it and the baby didnt do it, so I did a little research and found out that the cotton is used while shooting up. So tonight he wants to shower and is acting all weird, comes out eyes are pin pricks I go in the bathroom and in the garbage is a wad of toilet tissue there is about a dime size hard spot that is yellow and brown. So I'm assuming he used that instead of the cotton ball. I tell him I think he is high and he gets all pissed off saying that I am accusing him without reason and he's getting help and he wants to make this work for his family and for himself. I know he has an appointment tomorrow, but at this point I am just feeling kind of hopeless. The more I read and hear the more I question if I even want to try and help is it worth my sanity and of course there is my son he deserves so much better, he deserves a father a SOBER father. Between my newborn and all of this I have barely slept in a week. He starts his program tomorrow but I almost feel as if he has already failed. I just don't know what to do.

Ann

Welcome Panda. You may need extra care to make sure your baby doesn't find any of his paraphernalia or tissues with debris, and hurt himself...or worse. Soon he will be crawling and you cannot train a baby to not be curious.

Take a read around and it may help you decide how long you want to live like this. You may have a long risky road ahead of you, and my prayers go out that he is serious about finding recovery. Even good intentions don't always ensure a happy ending, but I hope this is not the case with him.

We're here for you as you process what is happening and as you take the days ahead one day at a time.

Hope you find support here, sounds like you need it.

Hugs

kmangel

When my son was ordered to rehab, he showed up high. He knew he wouldn't be able to use while in the facility. He did want to clean up, but he wanted "one last high" before moving in. Perhaps he would have done differently (stopped using before going to rehab) had his going to rehab been his idea, not the judge's. Maybe not. Your boyfriend's going to rehab is not his idea--it was your idea--so it's rather like the judge sending my son to rehab. My son had tried to quit using prior to rehab (pain meds and heroin) but was unsuccessful.

It's been 10 months since my son completed his 28 day rehab. He has had two relapses but it appears that those relapses have served to show my son how once an addict always an addict. Whether or not he will continue to pursue recovery is up to him. He moved in with his girlfriend and seems much more motivated than when he lived at home with his father and me.

It's time for you to get familiar with addiction. Have you attended any Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? They will be able to help you sort out how to live with an addict. You may decide to let him go should he choose to resume his addiction after rehab. It will be a very tough road for you as the mother of his child and partner of an addict. If your boyfriend decides to continue being an addict in active addiction, then you have to decide for the two of you (your son and you) if that's what you want in your life. If you stay with your boyfriend, it is best to set up boundaries of what you will tolerate and be prepared to implement those boundaries should your boyfriend overstep them.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR. Living with an addict is difficult at best. Support for you will be important. Take a read around. Ask questions. Read the stickies at the top of this forum. I hope your bf gets the help he needs and is able to find recovery. A suggestion....give some thought to getting some f2f support at a NarAnon or AlAnon meeting. It will help you understand the process and language of recovery.

gentle hugs
ke

Windmills

Raising a baby with an addict is difficult at the best of times, it's living hell other times. Get to NarAnon I will come back later and write a proper reply, on the train using my phone right now!

panda177

Thanks everyone, it is a scary thing and I love both him and my son so much. I think the only thing more terrifying than my boyfriend going through this is the idea of my son going through it.

cangel2

Both my son and a recovery addict I know did everything they had available before checking in to rehab. During a family counseling session the idea that the addict would grieve the loss of their DOC was explained was when I came to understand this. Whether or not someone goes into rehab dragging their feet or willingly....I think there is a compulsion to say goodbye and use one last time.

The rehab told me that this was the norm....almost everyone shows up high....on a ton of stuff they may not normally do.....

The point is what happens next and next and next.

Best I think to focus on recovery behavior not on the past. If someone is truly moving forward in recovery who care how they got there or whether they were high at one particular moment. Believe me there was worse before they that particular day that you may have no idea about.

The next also includes your recovery.....which should start too....that is the most productive focus; not your BF's starting point. Decide where your starting point is and concentrate on that....you will feel better for it!