jpgolfer

Hi all,

10 days sober here. To recap, my last drinking episode was bad. Drank way too much, woke up with tremendous anxiety, had a panic attack, was scared shizless, desperately wanted to quit and did. Read books, came here a lot, made a commitment to never drink again, started feeling better, doing better at work etc...

Well today I played a great round of golf (74) felt good about it and went up to the clubhouse to get a bite to eat with my buddies and BAM! Noticed the appealing bottle of Knob Creek behind the bar, and my body was off to the races. The same "appealing" bottle of Knob Creek is the same bottle I poured down the drain just 10 days ago because I was so tired of what alcohol was doing to me.

Why is it that the exact same substance that causes us so many problems sounds so good after a period of "dryness"????

That is a rhetorical question... I am subscribing to RR and I recognized it as my beast just wanting to come out and play but MY GOD, it is so powerful when you're going through it. It's as if my cravings to drink are so powerful that drinking seems like an actual neccesity. It's as if I can't see past it.

I hope someday I don't struggle like this but as for now I am. I would have given ANYTHING to have how I felt 10 days ago to go away and it did. Now that the terrible feeling is gone, I am missing my old buddy booze. Not much of a buddy if you ask me but my body has a different opinion.

I hope everyone is well!

EmeraldRose

That was a reoccuring habit of mine...drink drink drink....then 'I'm never drinking again'....feel better...I'll just buy a small bottle...Oh, I can handle more...then the cycle starts again. I went thru that for, Oh I'd say, forever...then I realize that if this wasn't the last time I said 'I'm never drinking again' I may not have pulled myself back into the real world.
I never forget the day I quit. I never forget the feelings, the shame and the aweful anxiety and embarassment. Its all still there...although I am releasing past experiences, learning to forgive myself, etc, etc...I still want those few feelings on that last day to never go away. It is a constant reminder of how I never want to be.

Wishing you peace and strength.

Amy2011

At 10 days in you are just at the beginning of your journey. Maybe you need to take a step back and adjust your social schedule for awhile. Maybe play golf, but skip the clubhouse afterwards. In early recovery we have to learn how to live a sober life, it can be hard at times. I basically stopped doing anything in early recovery as I found it to hard to be around people drinking. I decided I was better off at home sober than out with people feeling uncomfortable because I felt like I needed a drink to be in social situations. Part of recovery is learning how to live sober and handle social situations sans alcohol. I use the play the tape forward method. Where will a drink take me? Would I stop after 1? Do I ever stop after 1? Will having a drink end well for me? Stopping and asking myself those questions in early recovery helped me get through some moments when I considering taking a drink. Recovery can be difficult and uncomfortable at times as you learn to adjust sobriety. You can do it.

sugarbear1

You can do this!

Stay stopped!!

eJoshua

Congrats on 10 days Golfer. Things do get easier, trust me. It takes some time to break out of the normal way that you have developed of thinking, but with time and hard work you can retrain your brain.

langkah

Great you're trying, keep it up.

DarkDays

Early days I had very strong urges cravings, they do get easier to dismiss and even easier if you use avrt . It's liberating to be free from it, I promise you.

InsertNameHere

Nice comparison in the title, I actually think of it like that sometimes. I compare it to the movie "a beautiful mind" where in the main character is schizophrenic but doesn't know it for more than half of the movie. gets treatment but goes crazy again when he stops taking the meds. Finally he has a moment just as his wife is leaving him where he logicaly figures out that he is seing things that aren't there. After that he goes through a painfull process of trying to "fight" or ignore the things that he sees and hears that he knows arent really there but seem as real to him as anything else. Finally in old age there is a scene where he confesses still seeing things but "like a diet of the mind" he "chooses not to indulge in certain thoughts". Replace his schizophrenia with alcoholism and his battle with it afterwords with our fight not to indulge and I think it is a fairly apt description of what we go through sometimes. On a different level certainly but hey I just use it as an annalogy to help me. That part of me isn't me it doesn't exist in reality but it feels the same none the less, and like a diet of the mind I choose not to indulge certain thoughts or ideas which tempt that part of me to become more active. It is going to take practice and will probably still be there to the tinyiest degree when I am 80 but by that point it will barley be a whisper that I notice but take no interest in.

Just my thoughts.