soberred

Some time ago I got a knock on my door. It was one of those religious groups wanting to talk to me about how to be saved. Now I am not taking digs at that specific religion. I have some very wonderful family members that practice it. It was the pushiness about the people at my door that made it very uncomfortable for me. I have always been very private in my faith. I don't share unless someone asks me. One of the most annoying things to me is someone forces their beliefs on other people. You are not going to heaven unless this happens. This is exactly how I feel when I read responses about certain recovery programs from certain people. Why not wait to be asked what you are doing in your recovery? It honestly turns a lot of people off. Myself included. I saw something yesterday that burned my a$$. Someone was going through a tough time and instead sympathy, she got "You need to recover and go to AA. Ok, she didn't ask what recovery program she needed to go to. She needed support. I don't feel the need to block any ones profile. This is not high school. It just shouldn't happen. I am going to be slammed for this I know. I don't knock any program. There are a lot of wonderful people on here perfectly willing to share their recovery experiences and for that I am grateful. It's an on going thing. It seems this is addressed and it calms down for a bit. Then a new bunch comes a long and it starts all over again. It's unnerving. Kind of like those guys that stand on the corner with a bible in their hand screaming to repent or go to hell. I am not saying this is a religious thing. I am only comparing how it appears. This is about sharing when asked. I am off my soap box. I've said my peace. No offense to ANY recovery program. They are all good programs. Okay. I'm ready to be verbally bit$# slapped.

PaperDolls

Nah, I'm not going to going to slam you for this.

Fact is, there will always be pushy people in this world.

I do think that most of the time when someone tries to "push" their recovery program (or religion for that matter) on anyone it's with good intent. Not always, but most of the time. Some people don't realize how pushy or off-putting they're being .... some do.

It is what it is.

Just focus on what works for you. In the end, that's the ONLY thing that matters.

Fallow

I think I know the post you speak of. I felt similar about it.
When those folks come to my door I politely tell them thank you but I have my own beliefs.
The thing is they must get some takers because they keep showing up trying to sell.

wheresthefun

Exactly, just look at telemarketing, and grout bully, and topsy turvy, and sham wow... but I'm not stoppin there! On second thought, I think I will stop there.

Sorry for hijacking, I tend to agree with PD, on the OP, but I'll keep that on the DL, FTTB.

Sapling

I got a friend in my home group that shared the other day he had a couple of those guys show up at his door...He grabbed his Big Book and started reading How It Works to them...They left. Go figure.

Fandy

FWIW, soberred, i agree with you.

losteverything

Agree Completely...some responses are so predictable, because all thats offered is the exact same message no matter what the original post. My rottweiller is the same with his soup bones...

Pigtails

Hi SoberRed. I can appreciate a good rant. What I'm wondering is, what recovery program/ plan of action are you working? How is working for you? I really think that the motivation behind most suggestions for any recovery action/plan is to share what has worked for us, so that we can give support to other members. Best wishes.

GrowingDaily

I used to get irate with the door-knockers. Then I realized that, despite their annoyance, they're doing what they feel is right to help me & others. So I treat them with respect & kindness. Even if they're not helping, that's their intent.

I guess the same could be said for internet forums.

Sapling

I guess that part of the problem is there are a lot of people here that AA has worked for...Myself included....I tried a lot of ways to quit....With no success...I went to AA basically expecting the same result....I thought I was beyond hope....I haven't had to drink since and I'm very happily sober right now.....Should I share that?.....You bet. And I think you should use the ignore button for people that carry the message more than you like to hear it...That's what it's for. If I was signing on here in a hopeless state of mind with a problem that was costing me everything I had.....I'd want to hear what works and by how many people it works for. I can make my own decision after that....Just like anyone else can. Why not share what works for you?...It can't hurt anyone.

Zee

Whatever rocks their boat.

I personally have opinions about religion, but I will keep them to myself!
7 months ago I wouldn't have. lol

Thats why I love being sober!

stairs

I tell them things are all good here, shake their hands and thank them for coming.

Pigtails

I completely agree with this. In sobriety I'm learning that I have the right to speak my mind/speak my truth, and so does everyone else. I don't have to like or follow what they say, but nor does it do me any good to resent what they are saying. I just listen and move on. If it gets to be a big deal, I tune them out and go about my business. I am learning what works for me and to be confident with my decisions and in turn I also learn not to let other people or their philosophies or whatever bother me in the least. It is one of the paradoxes about recovery that I really enjoy... by being true to myself, I allow other people to be true to themselves (or not) without it bothering me one bit, and in fact I embrace it. It's a great thing, I agree!

wheresthefun

Or, just give em Melvin Udall's line:

"Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

My house certainly is.

Zencat

The repetitive proselytizing and testified of people for an unnamed program can get laborious to see. But that's just how it goes in life and online. The block feature can be of good use to filter out the that stuff. Its like having room to move away from the things that are annoying.

SOBERINNEPA

SO far, I've had success with AA. Some people swear by AVRT and that's great. I don't know how I'd do with it because I've never tried it.

But in AA, I've come across people who think it's the be all and end all. If I break my leg, I don't need to call my sponsor and pick up a commitment. I need to go to an emergency room and have it set.

I don't know what motivates the people who push their program. AA is supposed to work by attraction. If someone reaches out for AA, my hand is there. If someone's looking for support, but not necessarily AA, I hope my hand is still there.

GirlFromCO

I agree and I don't, I dunno. On one hand, I know that the people "pushing" certain programs are doing it from a place of love. They don't have to do this - there's no sales quota or anything. On the other hand, it got really annoying for me as a newcomer because people are so pushy sometimes. I often see others getting annoyed by it too.

I think that maybe people would be more open to it if, instead of getting the standard response of "git on down to a meeting" to any and every question about recovery, people could start saying more things like "Well in answer to your question this is what we in say in AA about it and why, and by the way these meetings are happening all over the world, you can go anytime etc." Unless you live under a rock you know AA exists and they really don't need to be told to just go to meetings. I think many people are afraid of it because it's a part of that "alcoholic" image/stereotype that we all have problems with at first. Like sleeping on a park bench or whatever, so some advice from AA's stance might actually be more helpful in getting someone to AA than just telling them to go.

Like, if someone you loved died and you felt lost and went to a pastor for some comfort, for example, the pastor probably wouldn't start by saying "go to church every Sunday." They'd be more likely to tell you what their religion has to say about your situation and hope that offers some peace. The individual can then decide whether or not they agree with the message, and THEN start going to services if they do, you know?

Anyway, my .02

Pigtails

I agree, and this is how I've handled it in my personal life. I didn't come out and tell my friends "I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to AA," nor did I add "and you should too" to the people I think may be alcoholics. I just stopped drinking and going to alcohol-fueled events, and when they asked I said I was not drinking for awhile, and eventually I started to give some reasons, such as anxiety, depression, and bad decisions I was making due to drinking too much. As I got comfortable in my sobriety, I felt more comfortable talking about it to certain people... I kind of let my gut guide me, and I could tell when some heavy-drinking friends were wondering why I had quit drinking because my they themselves were thinking about it. But I tried to not to push or prod because it was none of my business, I am focusing on myself, and the great people at AA did not push or prod me, so I followed their example when dealing with others.

When some of my friends have recently had issues due to drinking or have asking me straight out, then I invite them to AA. I hear them ask many of the same questions and express many of the same thoughts I myself did when I first went. ("I'm not as bad as these people." "I don't believe in God so this program won't work for me.") I tried my best to listen and understand, rather than to judge or preach. Instead I just shared what has been working for me. I have incredible peace that way-- just speaking up about what helps me but not caring too much what they do or don't do. In my opinion I have helped them by showing them that there is a way that is working for me, more than any other way I have known or tried, and if/when they are ready for it, I am here to support them, but if not, I am not their mom, I can't make them go. And obviously if they want to find any other program of recovery, I support them in it, although honestly in my experience if they have not stuck it out in AA it's because they are not ready to get sober (that is based on their words, not just my opinion... like they have told me they don't think they're that bad off and they want to just moderate their drinking, not stop drinking, or whatever. It's not that they're asking about different models or methods or programs.... they are just not ready for sobriety.)

I think on SR it's a bit different though because people come here actively seeking sobriety/recovery and it just makes sense to say, this is what is working or has worked for me. And if people have tried sobriety and relapsed several times then why not suggest something different? I mean all we can do is give our advice and if people want to take it, cool, and if not, cool.

GirlFromCO

In fairness, I've also got to say that I've seen people fly off the freaking handle when someone asks them about AA and explain their entire spiritual worldview to anyone unfortunate enough to stumble across their path... It goes both ways. Tolerance, patience, compassion... can't ever get enough

silly

Very well said, GirlFromCO