regeneration

Hello,

I'm newly sober, been going to AA meetings for 5 weeks, only stopped drinking for 11 days as was struggling to admit I'm an alcoholic. I've now realised I am.

Not sure whether this is the best thread for this (couldn't work out whether to post in mental health area or a thread about AA meetings).

I'm going to AA, finding listening to others helpful. But I get social anxiety. So when I go I feel as if no-one likes me, and I feel like an idiot.

I've made myself share a couple of times, some of it pretty personal as I had some things going on, then I just feel even more of an idiot afterwards, especially as I sound all anxious and nuts (my interpretation obviously!).
Though someone did go out their way to say how great it was to hear me share.

The reason I've gone to meetings is I know I can't do this alone, and I'm aware that one of the reasons I drank is to deal with my feelings and the social anxiety. I thought going (if I keep it up) would help me in the long-term. As I believe if I'd managed to stop drinking alone I'd have isolated myself if I couldn't drink with friends.

Has anyone else on here gone to AA and found it helped them deal with issues like this? I'm figuring if I get a sponsor it will help me feel part of the group, and maybe doing service.

If anyone has any advice would be great, cheers.

Dee74

Hi regeneration

I'm not in AA but I do suffer from social anxiety - if you been going for 5 weeks and sharing I actually think you're doing pretty welll!

I think self esteem is an issue most of us face and need to address sober - I think it gets better the longer we;re sober and the more things we accomplish sober - I think you're better trying to deal with it by being around people rather than isolating, but thats just my lay persons opinion

You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here too - good to have you with us
welcome to SR!

D

Sapling

I'm figuring if I get a sponsor it will help me feel part of the group, and maybe doing service.

Welcome to SR regeneration...Those two things would be a big help in being a part of...Showing up sober helps a lot too.....I think for me....Just showing up every day and listening...Getting a sponsor and proving to myself and others I wanted this to work was the most important thing I did. People reached out to me more when they knew I was serious....It worked....Those people are my friends now I haven't had to drink in nine months....That's a miracle for me...Because I know I'm an alcoholic too....Work the 12 steps and you can change your life....It's as simple as that.


You might want to copy and post your thread in this forum...A lot of AA sobriety hang out there....You'll get some good feedback...Good luck on your sober journey.

Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ShaneW

Welcome regeneration!

Ive been going to AA meetings for just under 2 months, and also have mild to moderate social anxiety. Going to the meetings and sharing has helped me GREATLY with my social anxiety. Being open & honest, with people I hardly know, helps me open up on a larger scale. I now feel much more comfortable in my own skin. The more open & honest I get, the better I feel, and the less anxious I feel in groups of people. The more Ive gone to the same meetings, or meetings in the same area, the more I get to know the people there...many I now call friends. That and the daily calls/texts I make to those AA people, building friendships & a network, the more I look forward to meetings and feel even more comfortable overall. Did you get a list of phone numbers at a meeting? If so, call them...even if just to say, "hey Im relatively new & Im just calling to say whats up...." they will do the talking, or the question asking, and you will feel better after the call.

IT ABSOLUTELY GETS EASIER once you get a sponsor. Someone who can show you the ropes, introduce you around & take you through the steps etc. To be honest, I felt kinda lost in my AA journey until I got a sponsor. I'd suggest next meeting you go to, talk to some of the friendly folks before or after (or both) and just mention that you are looking for a sponsor. Usually people will be glad to help find you one...remember, it helps them (the people with a lot of time in program) to help you (newcomer). Maybe even share in a meeting that you are looking for a sponsor. A lot of meetings I go to they have the people who are eligible to sponsor (more than 1 year sober & have been through all 12 steps) raise their hand, so that newcomers know who to talk to. Do you go to any "Beginners" meetings? At these people are even more on the lookout for the newcomer and happy to help...

Basically, AA has not only helped me stay sober but its teaching me how to live (since I wasnt so good at it before), and has helped me break out of my shell (social anxiety) big time. Good luck and plz keep posting!

awuh1

For about the first 6 months after I started going to meetings I felt somewhat the same way. Alone in a crowd. I would get there a minute or so before the meeting would start then make my way to the exit as fast as I could when it was over. Someone gently pointed this out to me and said I should attempt to say just a few things to individuals before and after each meeting. I sort of liked the person who said this to me so I did it. NOT MUCH at first, but slowly. And after a while it even felt somewhat natural.

Sapling

That's a good point awuh1...If you're hiding in the back and gone before the meeting is over....Not many people get a chance to reach out to you....But one thing I have learned from AA that I haven't seen fail yet.....If you ask for help....You'll get it.

regeneration

thanks everybody, really useful. I keep thinking "I'm a special case", as in it won't work for me. e.g. ShaneW when you say you've been going for 2 mths I think "well I've been going 5 weeks and not working yet". When in reality I have been going half-heartedly and haven't yet got a sponsor.

One meeting I went to was great, the people offered to take others out for coffee and said speak to others for sponsorship. I didn't.

It's not rocket science is it? One thing I do not like doing though is asking for help, all the other things, I can try to do, and it's great to see from others they work, despite social anxiety.

But not asking for help is probably what helped keep me drinking. I can't work out why I don't do it, maybe it's because I don't like being vulnerable or seen as being weak.

I will keep posting, thanks for advice and the welcome.

Sapling

We're alcoholics...None of us do....And no...It's not rocket science....If I could give you one little bit of advice...Try some different meetings...Try them more than once...You're going to find one...And say...This is where I belong...You may be in it now. Welcome aboard.

LiveLikeGold6

I don't have any mega profound advice but I know that I always feel nervous in meetings and if I share my heart pounds and I get short of breath. I always ALWAYS feel better after I've shared and especially after I leave meetings where I genuinely listened to, talked with, and exchanged numbers with people there. I don't go early but I always stay 10-15 minutes after. Picking up a service commitment makes me feel like even more a part of the club.

FlyerFan

You sound exactly like me. Definitely get a sponsor that will help you become more comfortable in the meetings. Also don't think about what others think of you. I too have to force myself to share because of my anxiety, but after 3 months of doing that I feel at home in any room now that I walk into.

Remember we are all in there for a reason, and what you have to say is important no matter what!

SOBERINNEPA

The more meetings you go to, the more you'll realize that we all have a lot in common. A lot of us have been down the same rabbit hole and we're finding our way back. After a while, people will start to smile and nod when you show up and the chair will remember your name when you want to speak. By and large, we're a pretty welcoming group, both in AA and SR.

camedown

I'm still kinda like that after ten months. I've gotten a bit better, but I think some of it is a part of my personality that may take years to change. I took a secratary position at my homegroup at seven months and that helped tremendously, though it was nervewracking at first.

IndaMiricale

Welcome aboard it will just take some time but good advice so far here. The only thing I have to add is my sponsor suggested that I follow in tradition here. In Cleveland we go around and shake every single hand in the room before getting coffee or sitting down.

Plus getting active definatley gets you part of the group. Get there early and leave late.

2granddaughters

Regeneration, next time you begin to share at a table, ask if anyone has felt the same as you. You will discover that pretty well all AA's felt that way at first.... that you are NOT different.
You will also discover that there is a big difference between what we THOUGHT things were/are and the way that things REALLY are. Feelings are only feelings, not reality.
Do you have a sponsor yet? A sponsor will help you through this transition.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Anna

Yes, it was important for me to learn that feelings are just feelings, too. We can feel them and let them go. I'm not an AA person, but it does sound like you're doing well.

PaperDolls

Sounds like you're doing great to me!

I found that most of that social anxiety s l o w l y went away the longer I went to meetings and most certainly as I worked through the steps with my sponsor.

Keep it up!!

Firehazard

Hi Regen and

Sounds about par for course in AA as a beginner with 11 days. A great solution to anxiety social or otherwise is working the steps. Just a suggestion

regeneration

I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone!

I just went to an AA meeting in the town I was born in, and this thread helped me get there. It was lovely. I'm an atheist and this was one of the steps where people talked a LOT about God... but I still found it great. I found some real similarities with myself in what people were saying about depression (caused by drink). Everyone was very friendly, gave me a list of numbers to call even though I'm not going to be around later in the week as I'm travelling back. It's motivated me to throw myself into it properly when I get back to the big city I live in.

And someone just called me from AA to say hello from my big city. Onwards and upwards. I'm going to take this v. positive experience down to the other city, and try different meetings. There is one I think I'll feel comfortable in.

DayTrader

AA is new for you. Of COURSE you're not totally comfortable, know it all, and at ease. It was probably a year or a year and a half before I was comfortable at meetings, not freaking about what I was gonna say, could put a set of sentences together that flowed, etc.

And guess what........I've probably been to 500-750 meetings in the past 5 years and I STILL get a little uncomfortable from time to time. That's just part of being human.

I'll tell ya this though, Get a guide (sponsor), and work the AA program - from the Big Book - and you WILL change. You don't have to fix yourself, you don't have to do a lot of the things you probably think you're gonna have to do. Do what we did and you'll come out a different person...and in my experience, it's always been a BETTER-different person. The bad news.....you ARE gonna be asked/encouraged to do a lot of things you won't want to do. You're gonna think heading south is the best....and they're gonna ask you to turn east....or west......and it's not gonna make sense, you won't want to do it.... but do it. Until you get it figured out, working the steps seems silly, like it's not doing anything for you..... or like it's impossible cuz we get soooooo tied to an old belief or decision made in the past that we're afraid to challenge. That's tough......and most alkies aren't known for their willingness to follow "rules" and directions......LOL.

Sapling

That's awesome...This program not only saved my life....But completely changed it.....What was the tuition?....35 years of hardcore drinking...Enjoy the ride.