Bamboozle

(sigh....here goes: )

I used to post here all the time, but I got away from that. I'm not in a good place mentally and I haven't been for some time. It's a long story, but I'm no longer taking meds or therapy for my depression after getting burned by my therapist. Some might remember, but I can best sum it up by quoting one of the last things she said to me as she was crying in session over her personal problems: "Your problems aren't so bad right now, right?" Still bitter and pissed? Why, yes...yes I am! I am giggling a bit at the moment, though...wish I could convey that a little better. I don't want anyone to think that this posting is me going off into the deep end.

That said, it's been nearly a year since I quit going to therapy. Who in their crazy mind would want to deal with someone even crazier for mental help? Not me. Don't know if I'll try to find someone else, especially since the last time I made the effort the new person cancelled on me the night before for a "personal emergency". *facepalm*

That said, I'm sure surprised I'm sober. I'm not sure how. I'm sure not happy. I remember after the first year I spent sober, I said, "Nah, I can't post in the success stories. It's only* a year, and besides, I don't think I'll make it." I said the same after the second year, but that time I told myself I'd post when I got to three. Well, here's year three and I refuse to post there. Besides, posting in newbies gets more exposure. I still want to drink myself stupid. Have I done it? NO! I guess sheer will power is a success in its own. Besides, if I did drink I'm sure I'd be dead in less than a year.

So, what's the point? Not all is going to be bunnies, kittens and flowers. Life still happens. That doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong. When you're feeling like a piece of poop and that you really can't go any lower, hey, I'm with you, just as miserable. Now you're motivated, right? :rotfxko

Seriously, though. Think about it. That's what I do. I know exactly what will happen (I'm clairvoyant! ). Everyone talks about playing the tape--I promise you they’re not full of it. As bad as I have it now (and it’s pretty bad), things would be far worse if I went back into my drinking career and I know it. The solution's not in the bottle--been there, done that, should've written the book on it.


Woo hoo! I'm going to toot my own horn! Go me! I'm awesome!



* One year is huge. Any sober time is huge. It's all important, even if you tell yourself it's not.

flutter

I was wondering where you were. Nice to 'see' you!

I'm sorry that you're struggling right now, but I'm really happy you're sober.. I hope that you're able to find serenity in all that sobriety soon.

IndaMiricale

Toot Toot Congrats

Dee74

I'd declare you a success story Bam - congrats on your sober time

To my mind the thoughts about drinking aren't any measure of success - it's what we do in response to them that's the success yardstick, I think - so you get a big ol A+ from me



I know that last psych burned you pretty badly, but if you think you need help, why not start again with someone else?

Not every therapist is a jackass

D

Lenina

Bam, I'm glad to see you! And not drinking is a success, it really is. My days aren't always a good time. Many days are just a freak show. But I am sober. Mostly I just try to keep a sense of humor about it.

Wish you could find a competent therapist.

Love from Lenina

Sometime

lol at that!

And thanks for the tips, I guess anything's going to be worse with the bottle.

Anna

It's good to see you, Bam!

Hevyn

Bam you are loved here - so very glad to see you again.

3 years is a triumph! I wish you were happier and more content with you life. I think you should start over with a new therapist and see what happens.

Proud of you Bam!!

Impurrfect

((Bam)) - it's so good to see you again, and congratulations on 3 years! You're right..just because we choose recovery doesn't mean life is always great. It's still way better than the days I was using

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

michelle01

I had disappointing experiences with therapists initially, it put me off seeking help for a long time, am lucky now to have a few who have really helped me.

You've always sounded a bit lonely Bam, how's all that going for you?

least

I also am glad to see you back. I've missed you and Isis. As to your therapist... well, some people are just useless. Can you find another one or are your prospects limited where you live?

Congrats on three years tho! That's wonderful. I'm sorry you aren't happy, but am glad you're still sober despite all the mess around you. :ghug3

langkah

It's terrific that you haven't drank for 3 years. Keep it going.

Bamboozle

Oh, not good at all. I feel like I'm in a box--I don't know how to meet people around here. There aren't any GLBT or atheist groups around, so I'm at a loss as to how I can meet like people (and I don't have the mental stability to form my own groups--maybe one day). I'm hoping to eventually move some place where there are things to do other than drink (we've got bars and gambling as the main forms of entertainment).





That bolded part made me laugh. I needed that...it's going to be a long day.

I could find another one--what I'm not sure of is trusting again. I went into therapy not knowing what I needed to do and having to rely on someone else to help me to survive. This experience has taught me that it is impossible for me to be objective about my own treatment because I don't know what works and depression makes it extremely difficult to be logical (that's the hardest part). What I really need is to live in an area where there are people like me. They're here, but they're all hiding or at least not very visible. This isn't a very friendly area.

MemphisBlues

Hey, BAM

Where I live there are no gay or even women only groups. But there are many gay people in the rooms I share. Atheists, too.

And you've made it three years which is an extraordinary accomplishment.

Shuck the past with that therapist you fired and grab another. Is that possible?
And i must say, through AA and NA I have surrounded myself with an incredible sober support group.

Is AA in the cards? Or maybe RR or SMART?

I'm only at 18 months sober, but I would go stark raving bonkers without my sober friends and meds (depression is my card).

PaperDolls

Nice to see you Bam.

janiebluebird

I like your sense of humor- sometimes laughing at ourselves is the best line of defense we've got. 3 years is fantastic. Congrats to you on your journey.

Fandy

Thanks Bam (i've missed your sarcasm too) for posting your thoughts.

sucky days sober are less worse than sucky days drunk and acting stupid.

Mark75

Congrats!!

2granddaughters

Beat me too it.

Bob R

ChickenStu

I'm not a success, I'm a work in progress.