Alcoholic brother and depressive mother
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Alcoholic brother and depressive mother
I have no idea where to start, I'm lying in bed in despair not being able to get to sleep. The only thing on my mind being the conversation I had earlier with my mother, going round in circles trying to understand why she's being the way she is. Shes not the root of the problem, but my alcoholic brother.
My brother has been an alcoholic for sometime now, possible 3 years, well since admitting to it anyway. He lost someone close to him which the family now understands is the catalyst of his initial drinking. This, as you could probably imagine, has caused an endless line of problems for the family as would most alcoholics. I don't blame him for the way he is, because I try to imagine what feelings I'd be experiencing if I was in his shoes.
There are numerous incidents which have happened recently which I feel I need to get off my chest...............
I went to see my mother on mother's day praying to God that she would lighten her usual mood, but instead being greeted with her usual negative self. I always try to encourage positive conversation by asking what she is doing but it always comes down to the problems with my brother. The one-way conversation always goes down a spiral of negativity where I'm constantly biting my lip trying not to show my frustration. She told me over lunch that her doctor has diagnosed her with depression, I didn't even reassure her that the doctor had been mistaken. I had thought this a longtime but never had the courage to tell her, I was hoping that my continual encouragement for her to go to community meetings (weekly social gatherings) would help, but it would appear differently. Further from this our conversation also consisted of my mum telling me that my father doesn't do enough for my brother and that my dad never asks my mum directly how she is doing (my parents are divorced btw). Its not just this conversation, but everytime I speak to her on the phone she's always saying something negative about my father. Being my father's son this is not something I want to hear! I keep telling her that if she has a problem with my dad she needs to discuss it with him - but she never listens! My mum is single, lives at home and doesn't work - but for medical reasons, where as my dad is remarried and has a full time job. I tried to make her understand that my dad has other commitments other than my alcoholic brother, but put in a nice way, but she doesn't see it this way. She immediately accuses me of saying that she's not doing enough for my brother, when this isn't the case at all. It's not that my dad doesn't do enough, I feel my mum does too much for my brother. I feel after experiencing the effects of an alcoholic family member there is only so much one can do before that person starts taking liberties, and that my brother certainly does. After spending a couple of hours with her I was praying for a plausible excuse to leave. I feel like my mum uses me as a emotional punching bag to release all of her frustration onto me, not just Mother's day, but any day I speak to her.
Anyhow this was a couple of weeks ago. I decided to speak to her again today as it has continually been going over my head. We had an amicable conversation although she still doesn't understand how she is being negative in conversation and that my dad still doesn't do enough. She also accused me of things I hadn't said.
The only thing I'm feeling at the moment is disconnecting myself completely from my mother, I think I'm starting to get the symptoms of depression too but I wouldn't dare confront my mother about this. I feel I have a relatively good relationship with my brother which I still want to hold onto despite his flaws, I say this, but regardless of being an alcoholic we all have flaws - maybe mine is not caring enough.
I'm not sure who is more of a problem, my mother or brother?!? What should I do? Is disconnecting from my mother really a good thing?
I feel a bit weird broadcasting my problem public to the Internet, so please do not take this personally if I decide not to reply to your posts.
Regards,
The Alienated
My brother has been an alcoholic for sometime now, possible 3 years, well since admitting to it anyway. He lost someone close to him which the family now understands is the catalyst of his initial drinking. This, as you could probably imagine, has caused an endless line of problems for the family as would most alcoholics. I don't blame him for the way he is, because I try to imagine what feelings I'd be experiencing if I was in his shoes.
There are numerous incidents which have happened recently which I feel I need to get off my chest...............
I went to see my mother on mother's day praying to God that she would lighten her usual mood, but instead being greeted with her usual negative self. I always try to encourage positive conversation by asking what she is doing but it always comes down to the problems with my brother. The one-way conversation always goes down a spiral of negativity where I'm constantly biting my lip trying not to show my frustration. She told me over lunch that her doctor has diagnosed her with depression, I didn't even reassure her that the doctor had been mistaken. I had thought this a longtime but never had the courage to tell her, I was hoping that my continual encouragement for her to go to community meetings (weekly social gatherings) would help, but it would appear differently. Further from this our conversation also consisted of my mum telling me that my father doesn't do enough for my brother and that my dad never asks my mum directly how she is doing (my parents are divorced btw). Its not just this conversation, but everytime I speak to her on the phone she's always saying something negative about my father. Being my father's son this is not something I want to hear! I keep telling her that if she has a problem with my dad she needs to discuss it with him - but she never listens! My mum is single, lives at home and doesn't work - but for medical reasons, where as my dad is remarried and has a full time job. I tried to make her understand that my dad has other commitments other than my alcoholic brother, but put in a nice way, but she doesn't see it this way. She immediately accuses me of saying that she's not doing enough for my brother, when this isn't the case at all. It's not that my dad doesn't do enough, I feel my mum does too much for my brother. I feel after experiencing the effects of an alcoholic family member there is only so much one can do before that person starts taking liberties, and that my brother certainly does. After spending a couple of hours with her I was praying for a plausible excuse to leave. I feel like my mum uses me as a emotional punching bag to release all of her frustration onto me, not just Mother's day, but any day I speak to her.
Anyhow this was a couple of weeks ago. I decided to speak to her again today as it has continually been going over my head. We had an amicable conversation although she still doesn't understand how she is being negative in conversation and that my dad still doesn't do enough. She also accused me of things I hadn't said.
The only thing I'm feeling at the moment is disconnecting myself completely from my mother, I think I'm starting to get the symptoms of depression too but I wouldn't dare confront my mother about this. I feel I have a relatively good relationship with my brother which I still want to hold onto despite his flaws, I say this, but regardless of being an alcoholic we all have flaws - maybe mine is not caring enough.
I'm not sure who is more of a problem, my mother or brother?!? What should I do? Is disconnecting from my mother really a good thing?
I feel a bit weird broadcasting my problem public to the Internet, so please do not take this personally if I decide not to reply to your posts.
Regards,
The Alienated
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