Im Stuck, I'm FU$%ED!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 42
Im Stuck, I'm FU$%ED!
After my last BIG binge a few weeks ago, I was doing relatively well (aka drinking a three or four days a week, maybe a pint of vodka a night). Then I went to a 40th birthday party a week ago and I really struggled after that. The party was a cocktail party. I didn't drink at the party (imagine that!), but the next day drank and then kept progressively drinking and drinking after that. I drank two pints last Thursday night, felt like CRAP Friday, drank a 750 ML bottle Friday night, don't even remember eating dinner with my family, drank another Saturday, and had about half a pint yesterday. I feel brain-dead today. I feel just faded and worn down. I am starting to wonder if I can actually do this. I have motivation when I am hungover, but when I feel good I figure I will be ok and I drink again. I just feel depressed and ashamed.
A couple of days ago my wife told me "you seem a little off." That is the second time she has told me that in the last three weeks or so. In my head, I'm thinking, "Yes, I am a little off! Im a lot off! I feel like S$it!! I feel worthless." I always drink more on the weekend and I don't get to spend any "quality" time with my family. Im there, but I'm going through the motions. I look at other people out and about with their familys and I see genuine happiness and when I look within all I see is a husband and a father that is faking his way through life, going through the motions with his family and loved ones.
God, I hate this!
A couple of days ago my wife told me "you seem a little off." That is the second time she has told me that in the last three weeks or so. In my head, I'm thinking, "Yes, I am a little off! Im a lot off! I feel like S$it!! I feel worthless." I always drink more on the weekend and I don't get to spend any "quality" time with my family. Im there, but I'm going through the motions. I look at other people out and about with their familys and I see genuine happiness and when I look within all I see is a husband and a father that is faking his way through life, going through the motions with his family and loved ones.
God, I hate this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Between Tampa and Orlando, FL
Posts: 48
You have to get rid of the past that you hate so much... that movie-loop that just haunts you and makes you feel like a loser! I've had those for a long time and they are simply a waste of time you MUST spend thinking about how great a person, father and husband you can be and will be!!! Take it from someone who knows... that's you slide, right back into drinking... feeling like a piece of crap! Stop the thoughts. Try to force your mind to envision what you really are inside and what you truly want to be. It's hard, but practice constantly. Best.
Mike
Mike
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: san fernando valley, CA
Posts: 183
I know exactly how you feel. I too am there with my kids but I am not REALLY there.
I too feel ashamed and I feel like I am a disappointment. I hate this so much.
Today is my day 1 again.
Stay strong and try not to forget this horrible feeling.
I want to be proud again and walk with my head up.
I too feel ashamed and I feel like I am a disappointment. I hate this so much.
Today is my day 1 again.
Stay strong and try not to forget this horrible feeling.
I want to be proud again and walk with my head up.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
You can do it, of course you can, and you can have the pleasant, family times with your children. 
One thing in your post jumped out at me. You said you went to a cocktail party, didn't drink, but drank the next day and continued drinking. The exact same thing happened to me and I had to take a hard look at the situation and decide to not be around alcohol at all for a very long time.
One thing in your post jumped out at me. You said you went to a cocktail party, didn't drink, but drank the next day and continued drinking. The exact same thing happened to me and I had to take a hard look at the situation and decide to not be around alcohol at all for a very long time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Between Tampa and Orlando, FL
Posts: 48
Hey... sorry about posting twice to you, but here are a couple of things that have helped me a lot:
- Force the negativity out! Your rational mind is actually stronger than your alcohol, if you continuously push out the bad and force IN the good and bright future thoughts.
- Sobriety is really hard, but being a drunk is much harder!
- Come up with a mantra that works for you and repeat it out-loud or just in your head as often as needed. I use a few... "I never drink!", I don't need it", "no way... I'm not going there, ever again!", "shut the F#&% up!!! I don't do that!!!"
- Tell yourself over and over that you are different now and have the strength to be disciplined... finally!!!!
- When you get that craving... immediately distract yourself with something else to do... anything! At least, just keep putting off going to get booze until all the stores are closed!!! Hopefully, you've already gotten rid of any left in your house.
I dunno... those things have helped me tremendously. Lastly, I spent money I would have spent on alcohol to buy high quality, high potency vitamins at a good health food shop. All of the most important ones... A, B-complex, C, D3, E, sublingual B-12, thiamine and GABA. The last one supposedly helps replace the natural GABA your body produces that is eliminated by alcohol.
Good luck and all the best. Hope you find something of help from the above.
Mike
- Force the negativity out! Your rational mind is actually stronger than your alcohol, if you continuously push out the bad and force IN the good and bright future thoughts.
- Sobriety is really hard, but being a drunk is much harder!
- Come up with a mantra that works for you and repeat it out-loud or just in your head as often as needed. I use a few... "I never drink!", I don't need it", "no way... I'm not going there, ever again!", "shut the F#&% up!!! I don't do that!!!"
- Tell yourself over and over that you are different now and have the strength to be disciplined... finally!!!!
- When you get that craving... immediately distract yourself with something else to do... anything! At least, just keep putting off going to get booze until all the stores are closed!!! Hopefully, you've already gotten rid of any left in your house.
I dunno... those things have helped me tremendously. Lastly, I spent money I would have spent on alcohol to buy high quality, high potency vitamins at a good health food shop. All of the most important ones... A, B-complex, C, D3, E, sublingual B-12, thiamine and GABA. The last one supposedly helps replace the natural GABA your body produces that is eliminated by alcohol.
Good luck and all the best. Hope you find something of help from the above.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Between Tampa and Orlando, FL
Posts: 48
Hey... sorry about posting twice to you, but here are a couple of things that have helped me a lot:
- Force the negativity out! Your rational mind is actually stronger than your alcohol, if you continuously push out the bad and force IN the good and bright future thoughts.
- Sobriety is really hard, but being a drunk is much harder!
- Come up with a mantra that works for you and repeat it out-loud or just in your head as often as needed. I use a few... "I never drink!", I don't need it", "no way... I'm not going there, ever again!", "shut the F#&% up!!! I don't do that!!!"
- Tell yourself over and over that you are different now and have the strength to be disciplined... finally!!!!
- When you get that craving... immediately distract yourself with something else to do... anything! At least, just keep putting off going to get booze until all the stores are closed!!! Hopefully, you've already gotten rid of any left in your house.
I dunno... those things have helped me tremendously. Lastly, I spent money I would have spent on alcohol to buy high quality, high potency vitamins at a good health food shop. All of the most important ones... A, B-complex, C, D3, E, sublingual B-12, thiamine and GABA. The last one supposedly helps replace the natural GABA your body produces that is eliminated by alcohol.
Good luck and all the best. Hope you find something of help from the above.
Mike
- Force the negativity out! Your rational mind is actually stronger than your alcohol, if you continuously push out the bad and force IN the good and bright future thoughts.
- Sobriety is really hard, but being a drunk is much harder!
- Come up with a mantra that works for you and repeat it out-loud or just in your head as often as needed. I use a few... "I never drink!", I don't need it", "no way... I'm not going there, ever again!", "shut the F#&% up!!! I don't do that!!!"
- Tell yourself over and over that you are different now and have the strength to be disciplined... finally!!!!
- When you get that craving... immediately distract yourself with something else to do... anything! At least, just keep putting off going to get booze until all the stores are closed!!! Hopefully, you've already gotten rid of any left in your house.
I dunno... those things have helped me tremendously. Lastly, I spent money I would have spent on alcohol to buy high quality, high potency vitamins at a good health food shop. All of the most important ones... A, B-complex, C, D3, E, sublingual B-12, thiamine and GABA. The last one supposedly helps replace the natural GABA your body produces that is eliminated by alcohol.
Good luck and all the best. Hope you find something of help from the above.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Between Tampa and Orlando, FL
Posts: 48
Hey, Man... you CAN do it!!! I fell off the wagon recently and got back on my feet and started all over again. It's hard, but you must do it. Good luck and be good to yourself.
Mike
Mike
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