Where I'm @ Now
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Where I'm @ Now
Hi my SR family 
I know it has been a long time since I've updated, but I've just been working and taking care of the kids. Dakota and Elijah turned 8 on Feb 9th. Savanna turned 9 on, March 2nd .. They are getting so big
My life has changed a lot since spitting up with my AH in May of 2009. It was hard at first because you morn what could have been, but I made myself face reality and what could have been was not what was so I released the dream that I had been holding onto and hoping for and embraced the truth about the reality that I was living in and subjecting my children to.
We tend get lost in the potential we see in our addicted loved one and in the course we don't realize we are losing ourselves holding on to them. You have the potential to be living a happy healthy life if you'd just let go of the dream. That doesn't mean you let go of hope that one day he/she will get clean, because as long as there is breath there is hope. What it does mean is that you embrace what he/she is today and not what you hope he/she will be tomorrow cause tomorrow may never happen. The addict has to see their own potential and has to want for their life to change in order for a change to take place. We cannot do it for them.
For me I had no alternative then to take back my own life because I had already used up all my alternatives and ran around in circles for years waiting for his potential to spring forth from within him. In the end I only found myself spun out of control with people saying she has the potential to be (this that or the other) if only she would let go of him. He was my addiction. It is such a sick, vicious circle. They chase drugs/alcohol. We chase them and in the end nobody wins.
May 2009 I found the courage to declare myself done. I also mustered up every ounce of strength that I had to follow through. I took all the energy that I had been spending on him and put it towards getting my life going in the direction I wanted it to. For a long time I thought doing life without him was going to be to hard, but in reality life with him was harder. The truth was that even though we were living under the same roof I was doing life without him anyway.
A house divided cannot stand and I was the one that wanted things to change. He was completely happy using and drinking, staying out all night, being gone day after day. Coming home eating food I've cooked, sleeping in the bed I've made, watching the cable tv I paid for, taking a nice hot shower, putting on clean clothes I've washed for him and running out the door to be Mr. nice guy to everyone else but his own family.
I look back on the years that I allowed myself to accept the unacceptable and realize that I could have accomplished a lot more if I had just let go of fear a long time ago. I don't waste to much time lamenting because you can't turn back the hands of time so why waste it lamenting. If you find yourself yearning for change. Be the change you want to see. Don't wait for the other person to change so that you can be happy (the arm of the flesh will fail you) people will let you down. Let go of fear and take hold of faith. Trust yourself, believe in yourself. You can do anything you want to do if only you would step out in faith.
My happiness now does not depend on what someone does or doesn't do. My happiness comes from me making healthy decisions for my family, taking the right steps in the direction I want for my kids and myself. I refuse to take on the role of a victim. I can have the kind of life I desire if I walk in the direction toward it. My AH wasn't on the same page and I didn't fit in his with his lifestyle so I had to go my own way. Not stay stuck in time with someone who wasn't interested in making a life for his kids or for us. If we were going to have any kind of a life I had to break away and make it for myself.
I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to do what I had allowed fear to keep me from doing and that was living.
Reach out and take a bite out of life. Taste and see that it is good
I know it has been a long time since I've updated, but I've just been working and taking care of the kids. Dakota and Elijah turned 8 on Feb 9th. Savanna turned 9 on, March 2nd .. They are getting so big
My life has changed a lot since spitting up with my AH in May of 2009. It was hard at first because you morn what could have been, but I made myself face reality and what could have been was not what was so I released the dream that I had been holding onto and hoping for and embraced the truth about the reality that I was living in and subjecting my children to.
We tend get lost in the potential we see in our addicted loved one and in the course we don't realize we are losing ourselves holding on to them. You have the potential to be living a happy healthy life if you'd just let go of the dream. That doesn't mean you let go of hope that one day he/she will get clean, because as long as there is breath there is hope. What it does mean is that you embrace what he/she is today and not what you hope he/she will be tomorrow cause tomorrow may never happen. The addict has to see their own potential and has to want for their life to change in order for a change to take place. We cannot do it for them.
For me I had no alternative then to take back my own life because I had already used up all my alternatives and ran around in circles for years waiting for his potential to spring forth from within him. In the end I only found myself spun out of control with people saying she has the potential to be (this that or the other) if only she would let go of him. He was my addiction. It is such a sick, vicious circle. They chase drugs/alcohol. We chase them and in the end nobody wins.
May 2009 I found the courage to declare myself done. I also mustered up every ounce of strength that I had to follow through. I took all the energy that I had been spending on him and put it towards getting my life going in the direction I wanted it to. For a long time I thought doing life without him was going to be to hard, but in reality life with him was harder. The truth was that even though we were living under the same roof I was doing life without him anyway.
A house divided cannot stand and I was the one that wanted things to change. He was completely happy using and drinking, staying out all night, being gone day after day. Coming home eating food I've cooked, sleeping in the bed I've made, watching the cable tv I paid for, taking a nice hot shower, putting on clean clothes I've washed for him and running out the door to be Mr. nice guy to everyone else but his own family.
I look back on the years that I allowed myself to accept the unacceptable and realize that I could have accomplished a lot more if I had just let go of fear a long time ago. I don't waste to much time lamenting because you can't turn back the hands of time so why waste it lamenting. If you find yourself yearning for change. Be the change you want to see. Don't wait for the other person to change so that you can be happy (the arm of the flesh will fail you) people will let you down. Let go of fear and take hold of faith. Trust yourself, believe in yourself. You can do anything you want to do if only you would step out in faith.
My happiness now does not depend on what someone does or doesn't do. My happiness comes from me making healthy decisions for my family, taking the right steps in the direction I want for my kids and myself. I refuse to take on the role of a victim. I can have the kind of life I desire if I walk in the direction toward it. My AH wasn't on the same page and I didn't fit in his with his lifestyle so I had to go my own way. Not stay stuck in time with someone who wasn't interested in making a life for his kids or for us. If we were going to have any kind of a life I had to break away and make it for myself.
I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to do what I had allowed fear to keep me from doing and that was living.
Reach out and take a bite out of life. Taste and see that it is good
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
A house divided cannot stand and I was the one that wanted things to change. He was completely happy using and drinking, staying out all night, being gone day after day. Coming home eating food I've cooked, sleeping in the bed I've made, watching the cable tv I paid for, taking a nice hot shower, putting on clean clothes I've washed for him and running out the door to be Mr. nice guy to everyone else but his own family.
I'm glad you and the kids are doing so well. Thank you for this post, your story gives me hope
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Let go of fear and take hold of faith. Trust yourself, believe in yourself. You can do anything you want to do if only you would step out in faith.
I hope your life is filled with new blessings, and I hope that the happiness you deserve so much rains down on you and your children.
Hugs
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
wow!
an awesome post my friend ~ I know that this road of recovery and taking your life back has not been an easy one, but you have taken the struggles, heartbreaks and not allowed them to break you ~
Thank you so much for sharing your recovery ~ you are a blessing to me and my journey in my own recovery!
Wishing you the very best as you continue on your path!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
an awesome post my friend ~ I know that this road of recovery and taking your life back has not been an easy one, but you have taken the struggles, heartbreaks and not allowed them to break you ~
Thank you so much for sharing your recovery ~ you are a blessing to me and my journey in my own recovery!
Wishing you the very best as you continue on your path!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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