what i don't miss...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
what i don't miss...
i was posting on another thread when it occured to me that over time (when i was with my AH) i have nonchalantly allowed myself to accept so many things as normal that are far from it. and even though there are great many things that i do miss about our relationship, here is a list of some of the things that i definitely DO NOT:
* having to explain to kids why does daddy yet again need to spend so much time at his friend's house instead of being at home and playing with them
*knowing what time he gets off work (when he was working), but not knowing what time he will get home (depending if he was going to get high after work or not)
*having to make excuses for him not showing up at family events when he was either partying or too hung over to be around people
*having to load up the kids in the middle of the night to go get daddy from his friend's house b/c he got himself too messed up to drive
*being afraid to bring up anything that might cause an argument because it would usually make things only worse
*needing to check his phone, pockets, car, etc. etc. for signs of using, not knowing if it would make me feel better to find something or not
*not wanting him to do anything nice for me, b/c often it meant that he was feeling guilty either about using or about getting ready to use
*wondering if he is using every time he does not pick up his phone
i understand that a lot of this issues are mine to tackle and i have been trying to work on myself. a year later (since i left) and it is still work in progress and it probably always will be.
i don't know if this helps anyone, but just wanted to get it out there. it made me feel better about my decision.
hugs and prayers to everyone.
* having to explain to kids why does daddy yet again need to spend so much time at his friend's house instead of being at home and playing with them
*knowing what time he gets off work (when he was working), but not knowing what time he will get home (depending if he was going to get high after work or not)
*having to make excuses for him not showing up at family events when he was either partying or too hung over to be around people
*having to load up the kids in the middle of the night to go get daddy from his friend's house b/c he got himself too messed up to drive
*being afraid to bring up anything that might cause an argument because it would usually make things only worse
*needing to check his phone, pockets, car, etc. etc. for signs of using, not knowing if it would make me feel better to find something or not
*not wanting him to do anything nice for me, b/c often it meant that he was feeling guilty either about using or about getting ready to use
*wondering if he is using every time he does not pick up his phone
i understand that a lot of this issues are mine to tackle and i have been trying to work on myself. a year later (since i left) and it is still work in progress and it probably always will be.
i don't know if this helps anyone, but just wanted to get it out there. it made me feel better about my decision.
hugs and prayers to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Up and onwards... :)
Posts: 274
Crap that i definitely won't miss!!!
It's a good list to remind you why you had to leave for yourself. Good for you Pacific! 
I have a huge list ruminating in my head... (big and small) of things I will never EVER have to put up with again nor miss at all in my life:
1. Having to hide my valuables (computer, car keys, wallet). I can now have a nice tv and stereo system without worrying it will be gone by the time I get home.
2. Having huge arguments over "nothing" just so he can be right... especially when he's wrong!
3. Extravagant/Manic buying episodes followed by disappearing a week or so later with all the stuff being sold for crack. Me worrying that he is dead in a ditch somewhere and calling for 1-3 days with no answer.
4. Wondering if he's got venereal diseases from his crack adventures and if he's going to give me anything
5. His porn addiction - hiding dvds and magazines and ripping up my magazines (yeah, even Vanity Fair) to get the 'juiciest' pictures to jack off to (fecking gross)
6. leading in to his excuse for not being attracted to me anymore (because I've gained 20lbs since we have been married) and rejecting all my advances when I tried to get intimate
7. Not having a job but complaining to me about how lazy I am
8. Never eating anything I make for meals and then complains how I don't make anything
9. Eating all the treats in the apartment (that I usually buy and save for here and there for myself - I'm really a savory girl) and then getting furious with me because he's eaten a bagful of candy and will now 'get fat' because of me.
10. Not having any treats in the home and him getting mad at me because there's nothing he can eat.
11. Him smoking on the balcony and bothering our neighbors
12. Him smoking on the balcony and never closing the door so it comes all through our apartment (each and every time!!!)
13. Him smoking on the balcony and filling his ashtray so full it literally has about 100 cigarette butts in there and he won't dump it because it's "gross" - so then goes on to butting them out in the plants
14. Never doing the dishes, never taking out the garbage, never taking care of our cats (feeding them, changing the litter)
15. Making fun of me when I'm sick - or ignoring me or putting himself first "Well, I've got a headache myself..."
16. Encouraging me to be in school but then holds it against me
17. Spending all of his inheritance from his aunts and constantly telling me it's HIS money not mine and that I should really look for a job (while I'm in school)
18. Disappearing while I'm in school to go drink at a biker bar to show off his harley (that he bought with the inheritance) doing coke, crack and other sh*t there and THEN driving under the influence back home!!! He did this SEVERAL TIMES!!!!!!!
19. Admitting to me he 'took a shower with a girl' when he relapsed (one time out of ??? when we were together).
20. hawking my macbook, his wedding rings (yeah 4 of them), iphones, laptops, computer games, 2-xbox's, 2 flatscreen tvs, expensive clothes, jewelery etc., for drugs.
21. Having to be his 'banker' because he can't keep even $10 saved
22. Having to pay all the bills because he can't/won't be bothered
23. Feeling embarrassed and depressed around my friends that I really don't have anything to talk about except all of the above about my AH, which when I even say one or two things, I'm met with looks of absolute shock and horror and disgust.
24. Hanging out with his white trash family who, either all have mental issues and or addiction problems, but labels the AH as the black sheep of the family. They are all bad as each other.
25. Listening to his thrashing music and getting angry at him because he wants to BLAST it in our apartment when we live in a quiet neighborhood. - I HATED him when he did this... just a general lack of respect for anyone else...
26. The lies... constant lies
27. The way he would hide behind God/Christ and yet act in a total opposite fashion like it wasn't a big deal and helping to give a negative light on spiritual people who go to church.
28. Drinking drinking drinking and not being able to stop.
29. Wanting to party and getting mad because I did all that in my early 20's (I'm almost 40 now).
30. Making fun of how I dressed.
31. Starting projects around the house and NEVER FINISHING THEM!!! - painting walls, closets, cupboards (putting them back up), fixing screen doors, putting up flatscreen tv and gouging holes everywhere in the wall
32. Wanting to knock all our inner walls down and closet space so we'd have a 'bigger' apartment and refusing to get permission from our Coop. Huge fights over this ALWAYS ensued with me being stupid for not wanting it done.
33. He would also want to purchase huge items like kayaks (even though he'd never been before) and I would get so angry because he would never think of what the feck we would do with them once we bought them! Where would we store them?! Would he even like kayaking?!?
34. Arguing about a gym membership that we ended paying about $2,000 for that he NEVER WENT TO - threw a hissy fit in the parking lot when I tried to ask him about being realistic of his enthusiasm for the gym. In total I think he went 5x.
35. Arguing with me in front of my family and friends to make me look stupid
36. Wanting to have anal sex with me when I repeatedly said that it wasn't for me - "Well, you promised we would when we got married." --- (head shake)...
37. Wanting to get a dog!! - He's not working, I'm going to school... he can't even take care of himself and he wants a dog!?!
38. Drinking way too much and the smells coming through his skin (at the end) and then hogging the ENTIRE bed and sweating and snoring like crazy. When I would tell him to either go to the livingroom (he'd swear at me) or when I tried to push him on his side he'd get angry and swear at me...
39. Not coming to my grad show (graphic design) because he was "sick" but stayed up all night to play video games and refused to pick me up from said show because he was not well - but again, was in front of the tv playing video games. Next morning gets up at 7:30 am and takes off on his motorbike and doesn't come home until the following morning reeking of booze.
40. Not being able to go to the States because he's not legally allowed to (has a conviction for fire arms).
41. Has a conviction here - for theft (and other crap) and having to go through courts, a PO and other crap I never would have in a normal relationship
42. His suicide attempts (afixiation in a vehicle or overdosing on pills and having to call an ambulance and wait in emergency room(s) with him while he gets assessed.
43. Having to watch him do crack with a promise of going to rehab
44. Having to support him through rehab (4x) while he could give a crap about me
Crap. this is a lot. I know I could think of more... Stuff happened almost daily with him and when it didn't, I was on high alert for anticipating when it would (and it would)... I guess that's 45. eh?
... I put up with all of this and more because I wasn't ready to say "enough is enough" and take care of me. Since November (well to be fair to me, I started last July - yay!) , I focused on myself to do that and you look like you are on your great recovery path too Pacific!
This is a good thread for anyone to put the 'stuff' they will never miss by not being with their addict.
Good idea P!!!
I have a huge list ruminating in my head... (big and small) of things I will never EVER have to put up with again nor miss at all in my life:
1. Having to hide my valuables (computer, car keys, wallet). I can now have a nice tv and stereo system without worrying it will be gone by the time I get home.
2. Having huge arguments over "nothing" just so he can be right... especially when he's wrong!
3. Extravagant/Manic buying episodes followed by disappearing a week or so later with all the stuff being sold for crack. Me worrying that he is dead in a ditch somewhere and calling for 1-3 days with no answer.
4. Wondering if he's got venereal diseases from his crack adventures and if he's going to give me anything
5. His porn addiction - hiding dvds and magazines and ripping up my magazines (yeah, even Vanity Fair) to get the 'juiciest' pictures to jack off to (fecking gross)
6. leading in to his excuse for not being attracted to me anymore (because I've gained 20lbs since we have been married) and rejecting all my advances when I tried to get intimate
7. Not having a job but complaining to me about how lazy I am
8. Never eating anything I make for meals and then complains how I don't make anything
9. Eating all the treats in the apartment (that I usually buy and save for here and there for myself - I'm really a savory girl) and then getting furious with me because he's eaten a bagful of candy and will now 'get fat' because of me.
10. Not having any treats in the home and him getting mad at me because there's nothing he can eat.
11. Him smoking on the balcony and bothering our neighbors
12. Him smoking on the balcony and never closing the door so it comes all through our apartment (each and every time!!!)
13. Him smoking on the balcony and filling his ashtray so full it literally has about 100 cigarette butts in there and he won't dump it because it's "gross" - so then goes on to butting them out in the plants
14. Never doing the dishes, never taking out the garbage, never taking care of our cats (feeding them, changing the litter)
15. Making fun of me when I'm sick - or ignoring me or putting himself first "Well, I've got a headache myself..."
16. Encouraging me to be in school but then holds it against me
17. Spending all of his inheritance from his aunts and constantly telling me it's HIS money not mine and that I should really look for a job (while I'm in school)
18. Disappearing while I'm in school to go drink at a biker bar to show off his harley (that he bought with the inheritance) doing coke, crack and other sh*t there and THEN driving under the influence back home!!! He did this SEVERAL TIMES!!!!!!!
19. Admitting to me he 'took a shower with a girl' when he relapsed (one time out of ??? when we were together).
20. hawking my macbook, his wedding rings (yeah 4 of them), iphones, laptops, computer games, 2-xbox's, 2 flatscreen tvs, expensive clothes, jewelery etc., for drugs.
21. Having to be his 'banker' because he can't keep even $10 saved
22. Having to pay all the bills because he can't/won't be bothered
23. Feeling embarrassed and depressed around my friends that I really don't have anything to talk about except all of the above about my AH, which when I even say one or two things, I'm met with looks of absolute shock and horror and disgust.
24. Hanging out with his white trash family who, either all have mental issues and or addiction problems, but labels the AH as the black sheep of the family. They are all bad as each other.
25. Listening to his thrashing music and getting angry at him because he wants to BLAST it in our apartment when we live in a quiet neighborhood. - I HATED him when he did this... just a general lack of respect for anyone else...
26. The lies... constant lies
27. The way he would hide behind God/Christ and yet act in a total opposite fashion like it wasn't a big deal and helping to give a negative light on spiritual people who go to church.
28. Drinking drinking drinking and not being able to stop.
29. Wanting to party and getting mad because I did all that in my early 20's (I'm almost 40 now).
30. Making fun of how I dressed.
31. Starting projects around the house and NEVER FINISHING THEM!!! - painting walls, closets, cupboards (putting them back up), fixing screen doors, putting up flatscreen tv and gouging holes everywhere in the wall
32. Wanting to knock all our inner walls down and closet space so we'd have a 'bigger' apartment and refusing to get permission from our Coop. Huge fights over this ALWAYS ensued with me being stupid for not wanting it done.
33. He would also want to purchase huge items like kayaks (even though he'd never been before) and I would get so angry because he would never think of what the feck we would do with them once we bought them! Where would we store them?! Would he even like kayaking?!?
34. Arguing about a gym membership that we ended paying about $2,000 for that he NEVER WENT TO - threw a hissy fit in the parking lot when I tried to ask him about being realistic of his enthusiasm for the gym. In total I think he went 5x.
35. Arguing with me in front of my family and friends to make me look stupid
36. Wanting to have anal sex with me when I repeatedly said that it wasn't for me - "Well, you promised we would when we got married." --- (head shake)...
37. Wanting to get a dog!! - He's not working, I'm going to school... he can't even take care of himself and he wants a dog!?!
38. Drinking way too much and the smells coming through his skin (at the end) and then hogging the ENTIRE bed and sweating and snoring like crazy. When I would tell him to either go to the livingroom (he'd swear at me) or when I tried to push him on his side he'd get angry and swear at me...
39. Not coming to my grad show (graphic design) because he was "sick" but stayed up all night to play video games and refused to pick me up from said show because he was not well - but again, was in front of the tv playing video games. Next morning gets up at 7:30 am and takes off on his motorbike and doesn't come home until the following morning reeking of booze.
40. Not being able to go to the States because he's not legally allowed to (has a conviction for fire arms).
41. Has a conviction here - for theft (and other crap) and having to go through courts, a PO and other crap I never would have in a normal relationship
42. His suicide attempts (afixiation in a vehicle or overdosing on pills and having to call an ambulance and wait in emergency room(s) with him while he gets assessed.
43. Having to watch him do crack with a promise of going to rehab
44. Having to support him through rehab (4x) while he could give a crap about me
Crap. this is a lot. I know I could think of more... Stuff happened almost daily with him and when it didn't, I was on high alert for anticipating when it would (and it would)... I guess that's 45. eh?
... I put up with all of this and more because I wasn't ready to say "enough is enough" and take care of me. Since November (well to be fair to me, I started last July - yay!) , I focused on myself to do that and you look like you are on your great recovery path too Pacific!
This is a good thread for anyone to put the 'stuff' they will never miss by not being with their addict.
Good idea P!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
CanfixONLYme,
thanks for responding. sorry you had to go through all that. and on a daily basis. you or anyone else does not deserve that.
glad that you are better and no longer exposed to all this. you are brave and it will only get better. hugs and prayers.
thanks for responding. sorry you had to go through all that. and on a daily basis. you or anyone else does not deserve that.
glad that you are better and no longer exposed to all this. you are brave and it will only get better. hugs and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I feel ya.
1. He was never home
2. Never spent anytime with me or my son
3. If he did have time off he had to go party with freinds
4. Always the last man standing partying
5. Never followed thru on anything
6. Couldn't trust him to mail a letter or pay a bill
7. Just immature. Never embraced being a father
8. Horrible business owner
9. Fly by the seat of his pants
10. Always had to get high morning, noon and night
11. Would get high and you could smell it when watching my son
12. Woujld just watch tv, use the computer or want to go party
13. Tip toeing around conversations
14. I was so lonely being with him
15. Always had these dreams of getting rich
16. Relying on others to support him
I'm happy I'm free. But I still have learn how to deal with him and his behavior.
1. He was never home
2. Never spent anytime with me or my son
3. If he did have time off he had to go party with freinds
4. Always the last man standing partying
5. Never followed thru on anything
6. Couldn't trust him to mail a letter or pay a bill
7. Just immature. Never embraced being a father
8. Horrible business owner
9. Fly by the seat of his pants
10. Always had to get high morning, noon and night
11. Would get high and you could smell it when watching my son
12. Woujld just watch tv, use the computer or want to go party
13. Tip toeing around conversations
14. I was so lonely being with him
15. Always had these dreams of getting rich
16. Relying on others to support him
I'm happy I'm free. But I still have learn how to deal with him and his behavior.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Pacific))) - I made a similar list when I found out XABF#1 had married and it threw me for a loop...yeah, we've been apart for years, didn't miss him, but when I found out he got married? A lot of insecurity popped up.
After I made my list (and I did a pros/cons list - pros were WAY shorter), I realized..I wouldn't take him back for anything. He hasn't changed (we have mutual friends but live 1-1/2 apart), the woman he married was a FAR sicker codie than I, and I could finally release him to be/do what he wants, and be grateful I'm not still dealing with all of that...20+ years was long enough.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
After I made my list (and I did a pros/cons list - pros were WAY shorter), I realized..I wouldn't take him back for anything. He hasn't changed (we have mutual friends but live 1-1/2 apart), the woman he married was a FAR sicker codie than I, and I could finally release him to be/do what he wants, and be grateful I'm not still dealing with all of that...20+ years was long enough.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
What don't I miss?
Simple: my AXGF. Not for a nanosecond.
Because with her came chaos, manipulation, duplicity, self-absorption, and a complete, unapologetic lack of accountability. It was always my fault, or someone else's fault. It was never her fault. In the wake of her gleeful admission of being unfaithful, I wanted to take a shower and fumigate my house. She disgusts me.
And now, she's taken her act somewhere else. And if she knew that I was happier without her, that would upset her to no end.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out, sweetheart.
She's gone.
Simple: my AXGF. Not for a nanosecond.
Because with her came chaos, manipulation, duplicity, self-absorption, and a complete, unapologetic lack of accountability. It was always my fault, or someone else's fault. It was never her fault. In the wake of her gleeful admission of being unfaithful, I wanted to take a shower and fumigate my house. She disgusts me.
And now, she's taken her act somewhere else. And if she knew that I was happier without her, that would upset her to no end.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out, sweetheart.
She's gone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
I think this could be really really useful to me tonight.
I don't miss sitting at home alone trying to figure out how the f*ck I was going to pay the rent and buy food and formula and nappies since he was spending all our money on drugs.
I don't miss the way I used to put the chain on the door to give me a few extra seconds to figure out what mood he was in.
I don't miss him going to the shop for milk and coming home three days later.
I don't miss his shady friends coming to my house.
I don't miss having to go to the pub to find him and beg him to come home
I don't miss sitting alone waiting for him to come home and start a fight
I definitely don't miss him bringing drugs into my home and around my baby
I don't miss being objectified and verbally assaulted by his 'friends' while I was working in his bar
I don't miss his sister actively encouraging his verbal attacks on me and screaming at me to shut up and how dare I argue in front of her if I spoke to defend myself
I don't miss begging the same sister for help after he held me down and raped me/threw me against a wall/slammed my hand in a door etc etc and being told I was a liar
I don't miss him stealing from me and my family and selling my daughters presents
I don't miss that horrible sick fear feeling when he came home with those cold reptile eyes
I don't miss being told everything I know is a lie- for example, a conversation happens one way, he told me it happened differently and I'm probably going crazy because he said THIS and THIS and I said THIS and THAT'S why he's acting like a psycho
I don't miss genuinely believing that everyone would be better off if I was dead, including my daughter. I feel so sad thinking about that now, if I hadn't left when I did I don't doubt things would only have got worse
I don't miss the random physical abuse- woken up to a slap or a really bad pinch, having my hair pulled so hard I fell over backwards when he was walking behind me in silence, a random slap across the face in the supermarket etc.
I really don't miss having the baby sleep in my bed do he couldn't come home and go in her room and wake her up and carry her around while high as a kite
I don't miss him going in her room after a verbal/physical attack, waking her up and telling me 'look, you've upset the baby now Katie, I wish you'd stop being such a horrible person'
I don't miss waiting until he passed out an going through his pockets for money to buy food
I don't miss constantly walking on egg shells
I don't miss him charming my family and having them tell me how lucky I was to have him and I better start being nicer to him before he leaves
I don't miss the horrible awful loneliness l- it's so much more painful waiting for someone who never comes than it is just being alone
I don't miss the constant accusations
I don't miss not being allowed to even get a shower because he didn't want to watch the baby
I don't miss his ever moving goalposts- he'd demand something one way and then change it so I was wrong whatever I did
Wow there are loads more too.
I don't miss sitting at home alone trying to figure out how the f*ck I was going to pay the rent and buy food and formula and nappies since he was spending all our money on drugs.
I don't miss the way I used to put the chain on the door to give me a few extra seconds to figure out what mood he was in.
I don't miss him going to the shop for milk and coming home three days later.
I don't miss his shady friends coming to my house.
I don't miss having to go to the pub to find him and beg him to come home
I don't miss sitting alone waiting for him to come home and start a fight
I definitely don't miss him bringing drugs into my home and around my baby
I don't miss being objectified and verbally assaulted by his 'friends' while I was working in his bar
I don't miss his sister actively encouraging his verbal attacks on me and screaming at me to shut up and how dare I argue in front of her if I spoke to defend myself
I don't miss begging the same sister for help after he held me down and raped me/threw me against a wall/slammed my hand in a door etc etc and being told I was a liar
I don't miss him stealing from me and my family and selling my daughters presents
I don't miss that horrible sick fear feeling when he came home with those cold reptile eyes
I don't miss being told everything I know is a lie- for example, a conversation happens one way, he told me it happened differently and I'm probably going crazy because he said THIS and THIS and I said THIS and THAT'S why he's acting like a psycho
I don't miss genuinely believing that everyone would be better off if I was dead, including my daughter. I feel so sad thinking about that now, if I hadn't left when I did I don't doubt things would only have got worse
I don't miss the random physical abuse- woken up to a slap or a really bad pinch, having my hair pulled so hard I fell over backwards when he was walking behind me in silence, a random slap across the face in the supermarket etc.
I really don't miss having the baby sleep in my bed do he couldn't come home and go in her room and wake her up and carry her around while high as a kite
I don't miss him going in her room after a verbal/physical attack, waking her up and telling me 'look, you've upset the baby now Katie, I wish you'd stop being such a horrible person'
I don't miss waiting until he passed out an going through his pockets for money to buy food
I don't miss constantly walking on egg shells
I don't miss him charming my family and having them tell me how lucky I was to have him and I better start being nicer to him before he leaves
I don't miss the horrible awful loneliness l- it's so much more painful waiting for someone who never comes than it is just being alone
I don't miss the constant accusations
I don't miss not being allowed to even get a shower because he didn't want to watch the baby
I don't miss his ever moving goalposts- he'd demand something one way and then change it so I was wrong whatever I did
Wow there are loads more too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
I don't miss how pathetic I was
I don't miss how much a fool I made of myself
I don't miss how I treated him like God
I don't miss telling him size doesn't matter. No.....Steve I don't think it's average.
I sure as Hell don't miss his stupid black socks with flip flops!
Barf!
A**hole!
I don't miss how much a fool I made of myself
I don't miss how I treated him like God
I don't miss telling him size doesn't matter. No.....Steve I don't think it's average.
I sure as Hell don't miss his stupid black socks with flip flops!
Barf!
A**hole!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Let me add one more to my list...
I don't miss the person who claimed to be working her program while behaving in ways that are antithetical to said program.
The whole essence of the Twelve Steps is assuming personal accountability through a fearless and searching moral inventory. My AXGF is unquestionably the most disingenuous, selfish person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. She picks and chooses the parts of the program that suit her and hides behind them while lying and deceiving those around her.
The day she left me is the day the sun shined in my life for the first time in over a year.
I don't miss the person who claimed to be working her program while behaving in ways that are antithetical to said program.
The whole essence of the Twelve Steps is assuming personal accountability through a fearless and searching moral inventory. My AXGF is unquestionably the most disingenuous, selfish person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. She picks and chooses the parts of the program that suit her and hides behind them while lying and deceiving those around her.
The day she left me is the day the sun shined in my life for the first time in over a year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
thank you all so much for replying. sometimes it is so easy to forget all the wrongs that we have endured and hopefully this thread might help us stay focused on the journey ahead.
hugs and prayers to everyone. so sorry we had to be exposed to all this.
hugs and prayers to everyone. so sorry we had to be exposed to all this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 49
I don't miss the constant drama and choas.
I don't miss him talking to other girls online, via text, and on the phone.
I don't miss him saying he wouldn't have to talk to other girls if I didn't treat him so bad and gave him more attention.
I don't miss the lies.
I don't miss him back stabbing everyone, including me.
I don't miss having to hide all the medications I had, including the ones for my asthma and allergies.
I don't miss having to hide my wallet whenever he would come over.
I don't miss hating myself because I didn't "do" things the way he wanted me to.
I don't miss him calling me a snob, bitch, cu*t, *****, ****, or idiot.
I don't miss him telling me to shut up.
I don't miss his empty promises.
I don't miss him embarrasing me in public.
I don't miss him giving me dirty looks because I asked him a question he didn't like.
I don't miss feeling like he was going to knock me through the wall because I said something he didn't like.
I don't miss him attacking me, hitting me, pushing me, choking me.
I don't miss him hitting walls, hitting himself, cutting himself to get my attention.
I don't miss walking on eggshells.
I don't miss fearing for my life.
I don't miss his unpredictable temper and angry outbursts.
I don't miss his manipulating games.
I don't miss his shady friends.
I don't miss worrying that he got another one night stand pregnant.
I don't miss the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse.
I don't miss how disgusting he made me feel.
I don't miss how much he thought of himself and thought so little about me and my feelings.
I don't miss the fakeness of his "I'm sorry."
I don't miss how he let his hygiene go.
I don't miss his dysfunctional family.
I don't miss how he constantly degraded me.
I don't miss how everything he talked about eventually led the conversation to drugs.
I don't miss going to the mall or store with him and worrying if he was going to steal something and me getting caught because I was with him.
I don't miss how he had no respect for anything or anyone.
Yuck!!!!! I feel sick now
I don't miss him talking to other girls online, via text, and on the phone.
I don't miss him saying he wouldn't have to talk to other girls if I didn't treat him so bad and gave him more attention.
I don't miss the lies.
I don't miss him back stabbing everyone, including me.
I don't miss having to hide all the medications I had, including the ones for my asthma and allergies.
I don't miss having to hide my wallet whenever he would come over.
I don't miss hating myself because I didn't "do" things the way he wanted me to.
I don't miss him calling me a snob, bitch, cu*t, *****, ****, or idiot.
I don't miss him telling me to shut up.
I don't miss his empty promises.
I don't miss him embarrasing me in public.
I don't miss him giving me dirty looks because I asked him a question he didn't like.
I don't miss feeling like he was going to knock me through the wall because I said something he didn't like.
I don't miss him attacking me, hitting me, pushing me, choking me.
I don't miss him hitting walls, hitting himself, cutting himself to get my attention.
I don't miss walking on eggshells.
I don't miss fearing for my life.
I don't miss his unpredictable temper and angry outbursts.
I don't miss his manipulating games.
I don't miss his shady friends.
I don't miss worrying that he got another one night stand pregnant.
I don't miss the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse.
I don't miss how disgusting he made me feel.
I don't miss how much he thought of himself and thought so little about me and my feelings.
I don't miss the fakeness of his "I'm sorry."
I don't miss how he let his hygiene go.
I don't miss his dysfunctional family.
I don't miss how he constantly degraded me.
I don't miss how everything he talked about eventually led the conversation to drugs.
I don't miss going to the mall or store with him and worrying if he was going to steal something and me getting caught because I was with him.
I don't miss how he had no respect for anything or anyone.
Yuck!!!!! I feel sick now
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
I thought of more!
I will never miss the way he used to humiliate me in front of people, tell jokes at my expense, tell people private things about me and lie about me too.
I don't miss sleeping with my money and cards hidden inside my pillowcase
I don't miss hiding all the knives and medication in case he decided to go for another suicide attempt
I don't miss the recurring nightmares. I used to have this dream that I was being stalked by an old woman and she was doing all these crazy things to me and noone believed me. I haven't had one since January!
I will never miss the way he used to humiliate me in front of people, tell jokes at my expense, tell people private things about me and lie about me too.
I don't miss sleeping with my money and cards hidden inside my pillowcase
I don't miss hiding all the knives and medication in case he decided to go for another suicide attempt
I don't miss the recurring nightmares. I used to have this dream that I was being stalked by an old woman and she was doing all these crazy things to me and noone believed me. I haven't had one since January!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 24
Great Post!
What I don't miss:
Being told a different 'story' over and over again about something that he is trying to cover up
Checking his phone to see if it really was his alarm going off at 3am or a dealer/gf on the side (stupid)
Panic attacks from the stress
Always apologizing for him being late, not showing up, not calling back, his behavior, his rude comments
Being laughed at and belittled in front of friends and family
Making sure my kids were close to me in case he got the wild idea to take off with them drunk or high
Being smacked in the face
Being punched in the stomach
Being thrown up against the wall, windows, bed etc
Anything with value "missing"
Hiding my credit and debit cards
Hiding my wallet and check books
Hiding my car keys
Hiding our kid's piggy banks
People calling to find him cause he owes them money
People calling to ask me if he is on drugs
Feeling like it was some way my fault
Being told I am a horrible mother for wanting to work because the kids would be in daycare
Being told I am a worthless mom because I don't work
Always used as an excuse for his family why he needed more money "She spent it all, the kid is sick and we lost insurance, she's stealing it from me...." AAHHHH!
Driving his A$$ around because he lost his license for LIFE because of DUI's
Him taking my truck in the middle of the night to go buy "diapers" only to come back and say the store was out of his size. (Never believed it once)
Fearing he'd be dead from OD'ing
Fear of sometimes wishing it may happen so the insanity stops (Hated those thoughts, felt so bad they even entered my mind)
Losing my self-respect and esteem
Not ever being able to pay a bill on time, and argued every time where all the money went
Finding orange syringe caps on the property
Never having spoons because they kept 'disappearing'
Hearing him vomit every other day and having the sh*ts saying he felt like he came down with the flu, only to leave and come back high and on top of the world
Feeling like I was going insane and not knowing why I couldn't just leave
Always protecting my kids from him
Feeling like I was worthless
Cleaning the house then it being a disaster in the morning because he was up all night high/drunk
Feeling sick inside anytime he wanted sex
Being depressed
Having my clothes burned when he felt like it
OH my goodness...a little trip down memory lane. There is so much more but choosing not to continue the list.
What I don't miss:
Being told a different 'story' over and over again about something that he is trying to cover up
Checking his phone to see if it really was his alarm going off at 3am or a dealer/gf on the side (stupid)
Panic attacks from the stress
Always apologizing for him being late, not showing up, not calling back, his behavior, his rude comments
Being laughed at and belittled in front of friends and family
Making sure my kids were close to me in case he got the wild idea to take off with them drunk or high
Being smacked in the face
Being punched in the stomach
Being thrown up against the wall, windows, bed etc
Anything with value "missing"
Hiding my credit and debit cards
Hiding my wallet and check books
Hiding my car keys
Hiding our kid's piggy banks
People calling to find him cause he owes them money
People calling to ask me if he is on drugs
Feeling like it was some way my fault
Being told I am a horrible mother for wanting to work because the kids would be in daycare
Being told I am a worthless mom because I don't work
Always used as an excuse for his family why he needed more money "She spent it all, the kid is sick and we lost insurance, she's stealing it from me...." AAHHHH!
Driving his A$$ around because he lost his license for LIFE because of DUI's
Him taking my truck in the middle of the night to go buy "diapers" only to come back and say the store was out of his size. (Never believed it once)
Fearing he'd be dead from OD'ing
Fear of sometimes wishing it may happen so the insanity stops (Hated those thoughts, felt so bad they even entered my mind)
Losing my self-respect and esteem
Not ever being able to pay a bill on time, and argued every time where all the money went
Finding orange syringe caps on the property
Never having spoons because they kept 'disappearing'
Hearing him vomit every other day and having the sh*ts saying he felt like he came down with the flu, only to leave and come back high and on top of the world
Feeling like I was going insane and not knowing why I couldn't just leave
Always protecting my kids from him
Feeling like I was worthless
Cleaning the house then it being a disaster in the morning because he was up all night high/drunk
Feeling sick inside anytime he wanted sex
Being depressed
Having my clothes burned when he felt like it
OH my goodness...a little trip down memory lane. There is so much more but choosing not to continue the list.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 311
Mood swings
Constant criticism
Walking on eggshells
Seeing him watch TV, drink beer, and smoke pot all day almost everyday
Not pursuing any hobbies except porn, TV, and very occasionally some healthy activity
His bad attitude and victim mentality
Him blaming his childhood and lack of friends and family support
Letting his not having a life bring me down
Feeling bad for being a successful, happy, sociable, caring, loving woman
Being called names along with emotional abuse
Manipulation, lies, cheating, lies, betrayal, lies, deceit
Blame shifting
Controlling behavior
Watching him slowly kill himself
Seeing him quit his recovery program
The worst one to me...Selfishness, self-absorption, self-destruction, self-whatever
Lack of confidence, low self-esteem, low self-worth (we have this in common)
The spaced out look on his face
Wondering if he is high, stoned, drunk and in what combination
Facebook, emails, calls, texts from random women whom he lied about
Belittling
Bad temper
Falling for his charm
Watching a brilliant man destroy himself
Feeling sorry about his childhood and past
Hearing the same old stories over and over again
Having addiction as an active part of my life for 2 years by choice
The rollercoaster
Empty promises, empty threats- its all the same
What I will miss about him is a much shorter list unfortunately but will always love him with plenty of distance between us...
Constant criticism
Walking on eggshells
Seeing him watch TV, drink beer, and smoke pot all day almost everyday
Not pursuing any hobbies except porn, TV, and very occasionally some healthy activity
His bad attitude and victim mentality
Him blaming his childhood and lack of friends and family support
Letting his not having a life bring me down
Feeling bad for being a successful, happy, sociable, caring, loving woman
Being called names along with emotional abuse
Manipulation, lies, cheating, lies, betrayal, lies, deceit
Blame shifting
Controlling behavior
Watching him slowly kill himself
Seeing him quit his recovery program
The worst one to me...Selfishness, self-absorption, self-destruction, self-whatever
Lack of confidence, low self-esteem, low self-worth (we have this in common)
The spaced out look on his face
Wondering if he is high, stoned, drunk and in what combination
Facebook, emails, calls, texts from random women whom he lied about
Belittling
Bad temper
Falling for his charm
Watching a brilliant man destroy himself
Feeling sorry about his childhood and past
Hearing the same old stories over and over again
Having addiction as an active part of my life for 2 years by choice
The rollercoaster
Empty promises, empty threats- its all the same
What I will miss about him is a much shorter list unfortunately but will always love him with plenty of distance between us...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
Originally Posted by Zoenob 
I don't miss how pathetic I was
I don't miss how much a fool I made of myself
I don't miss how I treated him like God
I don't miss telling him size doesn't matter. No.....Steve I don't think it's average.
Barf!
A**hole!
I don't miss how much a fool I made of myself
I don't miss how I treated him like God
I don't miss telling him size doesn't matter. No.....Steve I don't think it's average.
Barf!
A**hole!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
I'm working on getting some space away from my AH currently, so I'll list the things I'm looking forward to not missing:
Locking up my medication in a safe only accessible by me.
Worrying about half done "projects" around the house ever being done.
Worrying about money disappearing from my bank account with no finite cause or paperwork.
Having to hear 3 versions of the same story and know it is all a lie and misdirection.
Being labeled as the 'crazy demanding biatch' by my AH and my in laws.
Being bad mouthed to my mother and in laws after a fight.
Being barged in on when I lock the bathroom door
Locking up my medication in a safe only accessible by me.
Worrying about half done "projects" around the house ever being done.
Worrying about money disappearing from my bank account with no finite cause or paperwork.
Having to hear 3 versions of the same story and know it is all a lie and misdirection.
Being labeled as the 'crazy demanding biatch' by my AH and my in laws.
Being bad mouthed to my mother and in laws after a fight.
Being barged in on when I lock the bathroom door
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