stepping

OK IT'S BUSINESS TIME!

I feel like a broken, skipping record and I am so sick of it that it literally is making me ill!!! I am starting this thread for accountability (it is playing a HUGE part in my recovery plan as well as support from SR and me trying to help others here)

Back to day 1. I can not say things got back to as bad as they have been BUT I can see it easily getting there as it does EVERY TIME! ....just stupid me attempting moderation for the 67,894th time!

I am just not drinking anymore one day at a time PERIOD!
I have written my plan down and there will be NO EXCUSE for failure anymore!

It is time to start LIVING not just surviving! I am tired of literally wasting away everything! Time, money, health, life, goals, relationships, faith, self EVERYTHING because of a stupid poison that I HATE!!! I am better off without alcohol in EVERY WAY! It brings me NOTHING good!

I feel like I am putting myself out there to you wonderful, understanding (even if I do not deserve it) people at SR; putting my tail in between my legs asking for HELP!!
No regrets for relapses..no looking back...just moving forward to a better life for me!

Purplecatlover

Alcohol is like a bad, really bad abusive relationship. You have to walk away, FOREVER. Give up on the hope that someday it will be normal. It will not. It will try to make you think you can moderate, but it's a lie.
Walk away stepping! Never look back.
You will find peace in finally being set free of the torment.
Life will be better.

langkah

If you were to make a list, what are the top 5 things that you're not willing to do to stay sober and comfortable?

stepping

langkah - There would be nothing on the list. I am willing to do ANYTHING! Why do you ask?

PCL - Thanks! You are SOO right. I am done trying to figure out ways that I can have alcohol in my life like a normie. I am not a normie & I never will be a normie! On another note, I love reading your inspirational and true advice you give on SR.

2granddaughters

If you can walk away on your own, my hats off to you.

I found recovery in AA, you can too if needed.

All the best.

Bob R

Paddyb

Hi Stepping, are you saying you have been drinking?, you have gave me support and words, freking Alcohol is a demon my friend

Sunny27

Believe in yourself stepping.

We are all here for you.

Admitting I will never be able to moderate is what has helped me kick it. I tried and failed so many times and then I had to do something about it if I wanted a different life.

Am behind you all the way, girl - give it your best shot because you owe yourself that.

Sunny xxx

stepping

Yes, Paddy I have been drinking. Just because I was drinking at times doesn't remove the fact that I am a caring person. I feel the deep hurt that this poison causes when I read posts such as yours. I feel your pain, although I can't say I got to the point to where you are now recently, I can say I know what it feels like to feel helpless, hopeless and out of control because of alcohol. I have battled for 7 year plus. I didn't decide one day BOOM I want to stop and then went straight to sober for good. I have had stints of sobriety more here recently than ever. But I kept holding onto the thought I could control it. Truth is Paddy I can not control it..the addiction controls me and you and it will only get worse as time goes on. I care about you and want you to get this strong desire that I have now. I just think now I get it when people say the desire to stop drinking has to be stronger than the desire to pick up. I REALLY WANT RECOVERY!


2grand - thank you and I am not at all opposed to AA if I feel I will need it down the road!

stepping

Sunny we posted at the same time. But ironically I think my post to Paddy covered some things I would have said to you.

Thanks Sunny - you are a great person and mean so much to me!

langkah

'I am not at all opposed to AA if I feel I will need it down the road!'

Good that you're keeping an open mind about that if you should experience difficulty in staying sober. Down the road.

debsam

Langkah - There would be nothing on the list. I am willing to do ANYTHING! Why do you ask?

That's the answer Stepping. Open to ANYTHING. That's what worked for me - this kind of thinking + action, action, action.

jobei

It's a great idea to get "tough" about quitting! I had to kick my own ass a little bit to get started... hope to see you here for a long time to come!

Anna

Stepping, this can definitely be your last Day One.

Firehazard

Hi Stepping and welcome back. Quiting forever is not a option or a helpful mindset for a real alcoholic like me. At some point I lost ALL control of my drinking and it can NEVER come back. However I did hear a glimmer of hope as it was refreshing to hear you say one day at a time because that is the basis of recovery. To stay in this day and not worry about past mistakes or tommorows worries.

As far as AA goes unfortunately it does not work for people who need it, as so many do. Or for people who want it. Just for people who will DO IT
In AA you are at a point we call step zero which is the williness to go to any length to get sober.

Hate to get hard core but GET YOUR BUNS TO A MEETING it may be your life and sanity at stake. Sounds like you have tried it on your own and many other ways. I pray and hope you do.

stepping

Thank you everyone for all the support yesterday I made it through night one. A few wd symptoms but not too bad. Hoping the anxiety will chill tonight. I am working now so I won't be checking n til tonight when I get off. I'm ready for this. I have just made the complete decision that I will not drink. That's it. Period. Its not that difficult of an idea. The rest is just up to me to follow through. I don't eat meat simply. Made that decision years ago and never touched meat again. Now can't the concept be just as easy with putting Down the drink and never touching it again? I dont know. I'm a whacko lol. Just done and way past ready for never drinking again.

stepping

Checking in at post number 251 on SR.

Doing good tonight. Today started out OK then I got SO testy and then aggravated to the point where I wanted to rip someones head off..and I couldn't figure out why... but now I am happy and kinda calm.... just nervous. Oh the emotions are everywhere!! It will pass. I will be OK and I will not drink!

Have a good night SR and thank you for being here!!

Anna

I'm glad that you got through the day Stepping, and yeah the emotions can definitely be crazy in early recovery.

You have a good attitude and I know you can do this.

ReadyAndAble

Yes it will. And yes you will too. Keep it up—and cut yourself plenty of slack in other areas. You're allowed to have mood swings. You're allowed to do everything except drink— and that just makes you miserable anyway, so it's all good!

stepping

Thanks Anna and ready made it through yet another night I like that ready you are allowed to do everything but drink. Figure I won't be myself for awhile but have total faith things will even out. Shoot I'm not myself when drinking. In fact I hate that girl. So a little moodiness is allowed today has started out ok. Tired tired tired but not too bad and not as bad as hungover and feeling like deaths around every corner. Thanks for the support. I'll check n tonight

foodie1

Hang in there Stepping, you can do this!! One thing that helped me in the first two weeks was keeping really busy, like every single second. I had to keep a list of things to do with me at all times, I didn't trust myself with even one spare minute. After that I've found AA to be instrumental. Do you have anything that gives you good sober tools to use in everyday life and a purpose for sober living? Sure doesn't have to be AA, that was just what I chose.

One day at a time, you're doing great!!