angry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
angry
How do you deal with the anger? Sometimes I want to yell and scream and hope he dies. Yes, I hope he dies. Awful? Very. But in my mind all he is doing now is causing pain.if he is dead, my son and I would have peace. What is he doing with his life now? Nothing.
I'm angry. I'm angry he destroyed my family. I am angry he hurt my son and may have hurt his future. I am angry I have to be responsible 100% of the time, while he can pick and chose. I'm angry that he can't act like a man and even respond to my question about child support. I am angry that he thinks it is ok to lie about money during our child support hearing, and never once called or sent me a text saying don't worry I will take care of you financially and ,make sure you are ok. I'm angry we can't co parent. And I am angry that I married such a child and put up with his childish pbehavior for so long. What I wouldn't do for a man who can take care of and have reverance for family.
But I am so happy I have my son. I have a great job. I am happy that I have very minimal (although it is still too much) contact with him. I am happy he left us and I don't have to deal with living with an addict. I love being free. I love the peace in our house. I love my life.
I have accepted he and I are over. I have accepted he is an addict and most likely will not come out of this. But I am so tired of dealing with his crap. Its like every 2 weeks its somthing new with him. When will I get to the point where he can't get a rise out of me. Where I just roll my eyes and think about something else. He causes anxiety and depression and anger. And I am tired of I. But I have to learn how to deal with him bc he is the father of my son and I have to do everything right with the courts. And he wants to see his son. Isn't is awful that I hope he gets worse and forgets about us? He is a thorn in my side, and I am tired. I don't want to ride his roller coaster anymore. I don't care about him anymore. Life is too beautiful. My son is too amazing. I just want peace, calm and happiness.
Venting.
I'm angry. I'm angry he destroyed my family. I am angry he hurt my son and may have hurt his future. I am angry I have to be responsible 100% of the time, while he can pick and chose. I'm angry that he can't act like a man and even respond to my question about child support. I am angry that he thinks it is ok to lie about money during our child support hearing, and never once called or sent me a text saying don't worry I will take care of you financially and ,make sure you are ok. I'm angry we can't co parent. And I am angry that I married such a child and put up with his childish pbehavior for so long. What I wouldn't do for a man who can take care of and have reverance for family.
But I am so happy I have my son. I have a great job. I am happy that I have very minimal (although it is still too much) contact with him. I am happy he left us and I don't have to deal with living with an addict. I love being free. I love the peace in our house. I love my life.
I have accepted he and I are over. I have accepted he is an addict and most likely will not come out of this. But I am so tired of dealing with his crap. Its like every 2 weeks its somthing new with him. When will I get to the point where he can't get a rise out of me. Where I just roll my eyes and think about something else. He causes anxiety and depression and anger. And I am tired of I. But I have to learn how to deal with him bc he is the father of my son and I have to do everything right with the courts. And he wants to see his son. Isn't is awful that I hope he gets worse and forgets about us? He is a thorn in my side, and I am tired. I don't want to ride his roller coaster anymore. I don't care about him anymore. Life is too beautiful. My son is too amazing. I just want peace, calm and happiness.
Venting.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
I identify a lot with your post, I have frequently over the past few years hoped he does or at least disappears on a permanent crack binge. I still feel that way now.
With regard to the anger, I assume its related to detaching. I could be wrong? But I know the less attached I feel to him, and the more powerless I acknowledge that I am, the less angry I feel. Although for a long time he's not got a rise out of me- in the last year of our relationship it was more the kind of situation where I would just sit and cry and fear him- I don't really feel much anger anymore, although I used to be a ball of rage inside. I can't really explain how I feel towards him, it's certainly not indifference, I know it's still love, but every day that I read my literature and keep in touch with friends from FAA, a little more light comes in and I get closer to letting him go.
With regard to the anger, I assume its related to detaching. I could be wrong? But I know the less attached I feel to him, and the more powerless I acknowledge that I am, the less angry I feel. Although for a long time he's not got a rise out of me- in the last year of our relationship it was more the kind of situation where I would just sit and cry and fear him- I don't really feel much anger anymore, although I used to be a ball of rage inside. I can't really explain how I feel towards him, it's certainly not indifference, I know it's still love, but every day that I read my literature and keep in touch with friends from FAA, a little more light comes in and I get closer to letting him go.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 24
I have recently learned something that changed my way of thinking. I also have a child with an addict, who I am going through custody with, and he lies lies lies. More so, Lie and Deflect. He has said some horrible things that are so made up, it makes me look like a terrible mother. So bad as the judge is leaning towards 50/50 and it's set that way temporarily and they have no evidence to back his frivolous claims. The system in my town is completely corrupt to say the least. My poor 2 year old son is being cared for 50% of the time by a IV H user and I cannot do a damn thing about it.
See how ANGRY I could be? At times I am but there is a different approach to handling it that has helped me tremendously. The real source before anger is some sort of Hurt and it goes like this;
HURT --> ANGER --> INJUSTICE --> REVENGE --> BITTERNESS --> UNHAPPY
What gets people is the hurt and anger is Justified because we have such valid reasons to feel this way. We may be right, and fed up with the injustice as others continue to 'get away' with things and continue hurting others. The real point we need to focus on though is how WE handle it. I do not allow another's (especially my ex) wrong doings affect my happiness anymore. I take this approach now.
HURT --> SORROW --> COMFORT --> GENTLE --> MINISTRY --> HAPPY
If you approach hurt with anger, the pattern is drastically different then if you take the hurt in a sorrow approach. When you hit sorrow, you lean to comfort. I picture a child who a bully was teasing running his mother crying and she comforts him by holding him and speaking soothing words. Just the comfort of his mother reassures him he is ok. Which leads our hearts to be gentle, then ministry comes in because we can teach others how we have dealt with similar things with a soft heart. Then we can see purpose for going through what we did. I don't know about you, but I sure take to heart someone offering advise or words who has gone through a similar experience rather then someone who just "thinks" they understand.
See how ANGRY I could be? At times I am but there is a different approach to handling it that has helped me tremendously. The real source before anger is some sort of Hurt and it goes like this;
HURT --> ANGER --> INJUSTICE --> REVENGE --> BITTERNESS --> UNHAPPY
What gets people is the hurt and anger is Justified because we have such valid reasons to feel this way. We may be right, and fed up with the injustice as others continue to 'get away' with things and continue hurting others. The real point we need to focus on though is how WE handle it. I do not allow another's (especially my ex) wrong doings affect my happiness anymore. I take this approach now.
HURT --> SORROW --> COMFORT --> GENTLE --> MINISTRY --> HAPPY
If you approach hurt with anger, the pattern is drastically different then if you take the hurt in a sorrow approach. When you hit sorrow, you lean to comfort. I picture a child who a bully was teasing running his mother crying and she comforts him by holding him and speaking soothing words. Just the comfort of his mother reassures him he is ok. Which leads our hearts to be gentle, then ministry comes in because we can teach others how we have dealt with similar things with a soft heart. Then we can see purpose for going through what we did. I don't know about you, but I sure take to heart someone offering advise or words who has gone through a similar experience rather then someone who just "thinks" they understand.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
One of the wisest, most profound sayings I've personally heard is:
You can't fight anger with anger. You can't fight hate with hate. You can only fight those with love.
Whenever my anger starts to boil, I remember that saying and I ramp myself down.
I get why you're angry. And you've got good reason to be angry. There's nothing wrong with being angry. But the danger with anger is feeding it. Because once you do, it grows...and grows...and grows...until you're blind with rage and then you act out in ways that aren't consistent with how you'd normally behave.
You mention the things you are thankful for, and I credit you for identifying those things. My suggestion? Accept the anger for what it is. When you feel it boiling up inside you, post here, or call a friend and vent. And then, as best you can, let it go. If the anger is too intense, then give it to God and let Him carry it for you.
Be Safe,
ZoSo
You can't fight anger with anger. You can't fight hate with hate. You can only fight those with love.
Whenever my anger starts to boil, I remember that saying and I ramp myself down.
I get why you're angry. And you've got good reason to be angry. There's nothing wrong with being angry. But the danger with anger is feeding it. Because once you do, it grows...and grows...and grows...until you're blind with rage and then you act out in ways that aren't consistent with how you'd normally behave.
You mention the things you are thankful for, and I credit you for identifying those things. My suggestion? Accept the anger for what it is. When you feel it boiling up inside you, post here, or call a friend and vent. And then, as best you can, let it go. If the anger is too intense, then give it to God and let Him carry it for you.
Be Safe,
ZoSo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Thanks. Very useful posts indeed! I will keep on truckin. I like feeling the anger and asking myself why I am hurt. And when I feel like reacting thinking reacting in anger only causes more anger. I just have to realize he hurt me and my son. And I have to be nice. I have to let it go. I just want to be happy. I'm getting there. Slowly. Thank you.
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