Advice please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wolcott
Posts: 3
Advice please
I suppose being 100% honest adds intregity to the message, so
here we go...
I am not sure where to even begin to seek help on how to deal
with my partners drinking habbits. I have in my mind labled him
an alcoholic. Perhaps thats a dangerous thing to do on ones own
with out a professional evaluation.
His drinking habbit is worse during friday, saturday, sundays.
During the week Monday - Thursday after he comes home from work
he may have up to 4 glasses of wine.
Friday he is work at home. I do a radioshow on Friday mornings starting
at 9am, so I leave the house at 8:15 to be at the studio, the host of the
show and I go out for coffee after the show is done and sit and talk, and
I will usually be home no later than 3pm, on rare occasions perhaps 4pm
by the time I get home I can tell that he has already started in on the wine earlier in the day.
Saturdays and Sundays I have seen him start drinking as early as 10:30am. I thought he was just drinking soda, but I went to go take my medication, and we share drinks...so I took a sip of what he had on the counter and it was coke with vodka, sometimes coke and white zin.
I have seen him drink a 5 liter box of White Zin in less than 24 hours on several occasions.
I am not a drinker ... the last time I had anything to drink was...New year eve and I had 1 120z beer, and 1 8oz glass of champaign, I may have had 1 margaretta at dinner once, but I don't recall.
So would you classify this type of behavior as an alcholic? Am I being to Harsh on him? Either way its driving a wedge between our relationship and I don't know what to do....
I have a personality that just likes to keep the peace, so its a lot easier not to say anything then to create a mountain out of a mole hill. But I am afraid that if I don't confront this then I think I am just going to become even more unhappier, and drive the feelings of frustration, anger, the why's down even deeper into my self which I know someday is going to explode in a very unhealthy, unproductive way.
His Mom always asks me if hes been drinking and tries to bring up the subject about getting help, My partner always say... "Don't go there."
In a way I think he too has built up a wall round himself regarding his drinking, and the subject is totally off limits...
I am really frustrated, and there are times when I don't even want to come home from work...I am at work now and I can tell you I am not looking forward to going home because he already started drinking at 9:30 this morning!
His behavior is effecting me and how I feel and act around him, which then feeds his behavior I am sure...which then makes me even angrier that he won't talk about it which then drives me to just be quiet, and not say a word...it becomes a viscious cycle.
I have taken this to heart though, that I am NOT responsible for the drinking ...it is a choice that an individual makes. You can have wine or beer or vodka or you can choose water, soda, juice, tea....its a choice
any advice would be greatly appreciated...
here we go...
I am not sure where to even begin to seek help on how to deal
with my partners drinking habbits. I have in my mind labled him
an alcoholic. Perhaps thats a dangerous thing to do on ones own
with out a professional evaluation.
His drinking habbit is worse during friday, saturday, sundays.
During the week Monday - Thursday after he comes home from work
he may have up to 4 glasses of wine.
Friday he is work at home. I do a radioshow on Friday mornings starting
at 9am, so I leave the house at 8:15 to be at the studio, the host of the
show and I go out for coffee after the show is done and sit and talk, and
I will usually be home no later than 3pm, on rare occasions perhaps 4pm
by the time I get home I can tell that he has already started in on the wine earlier in the day.
Saturdays and Sundays I have seen him start drinking as early as 10:30am. I thought he was just drinking soda, but I went to go take my medication, and we share drinks...so I took a sip of what he had on the counter and it was coke with vodka, sometimes coke and white zin.
I have seen him drink a 5 liter box of White Zin in less than 24 hours on several occasions.
I am not a drinker ... the last time I had anything to drink was...New year eve and I had 1 120z beer, and 1 8oz glass of champaign, I may have had 1 margaretta at dinner once, but I don't recall.
So would you classify this type of behavior as an alcholic? Am I being to Harsh on him? Either way its driving a wedge between our relationship and I don't know what to do....
I have a personality that just likes to keep the peace, so its a lot easier not to say anything then to create a mountain out of a mole hill. But I am afraid that if I don't confront this then I think I am just going to become even more unhappier, and drive the feelings of frustration, anger, the why's down even deeper into my self which I know someday is going to explode in a very unhealthy, unproductive way.
His Mom always asks me if hes been drinking and tries to bring up the subject about getting help, My partner always say... "Don't go there."
In a way I think he too has built up a wall round himself regarding his drinking, and the subject is totally off limits...
I am really frustrated, and there are times when I don't even want to come home from work...I am at work now and I can tell you I am not looking forward to going home because he already started drinking at 9:30 this morning!
His behavior is effecting me and how I feel and act around him, which then feeds his behavior I am sure...which then makes me even angrier that he won't talk about it which then drives me to just be quiet, and not say a word...it becomes a viscious cycle.
I have taken this to heart though, that I am NOT responsible for the drinking ...it is a choice that an individual makes. You can have wine or beer or vodka or you can choose water, soda, juice, tea....its a choice
any advice would be greatly appreciated...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
"either way its driving a wedge between our relationship....its a lot easier not to say anything then to create a mountain out of a mole hill. But I am afraid that if I don't confront this then I think I am just going to become even more unhappier, and drive the feelings of frustration, anger, the why's down even deeper into my self which I know someday is going to explode in a very unhealthy, unproductive way...His behavior is effecting me and how I feel and act around him."
That really says it all my friend. If you value this person and your relationship, you need to get into a counseling situation and change those ground rules that are prohibiting communication (i.e., "don't go there.") It may very well just be the alcohol, or there may be more to it. Only work and communication for this relationship I trust you both value will get you guys through this.
best of luck~~~
That really says it all my friend. If you value this person and your relationship, you need to get into a counseling situation and change those ground rules that are prohibiting communication (i.e., "don't go there.") It may very well just be the alcohol, or there may be more to it. Only work and communication for this relationship I trust you both value will get you guys through this.
best of luck~~~
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Drinking at 9:30 am????
It's a problem for you that is clear.
It is having and effect on your relationship with him, yes it's a problem.
You are afraid to confront him on it, problem.
In my mind, it's a problem when it effects your relationships, your work, etc... etc...
It's hard, I know it's hard.
ugggg xo
It's a problem for you that is clear.
It is having and effect on your relationship with him, yes it's a problem.
You are afraid to confront him on it, problem.
In my mind, it's a problem when it effects your relationships, your work, etc... etc...
It's hard, I know it's hard.
ugggg xo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
I think the turning point for me with my alcoholic husband was my mother telling me I was in the prime of my life, and what shape would I be in 5 years from now if I stuck with my husband and his drinking? That was a good question to ponder. For me, I realized then that I had to make something happen and we separated not long after.
If the drinking is a problem for YOU, then it's a problem.
He may not ever cop to having a drinking problem. Not even if you leave him.
If the drinking is a problem for YOU, then it's a problem.
He may not ever cop to having a drinking problem. Not even if you leave him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Wolcott
Posts: 3
I wanted to give everyone an update....
I have attended 6 meetings at 6 different AL-ANON meetings in the past 3 days.
I feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
Various members have told me that I took the right step, and to continue going
for at least 6weeks....
Since I told my partner that i was going, an odd thing happened, instead of 4 or 5 glasses of wine at night, hes had 1 or 2....not saying that is any better, however its a change in his behavior.
t
I have attended 6 meetings at 6 different AL-ANON meetings in the past 3 days.
I feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.
Various members have told me that I took the right step, and to continue going
for at least 6weeks....
Since I told my partner that i was going, an odd thing happened, instead of 4 or 5 glasses of wine at night, hes had 1 or 2....not saying that is any better, however its a change in his behavior.
t
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
I dare say that most alcoholics aren't "diagnosed" as alcoholics. Maybe later in the disease, when it starts making them sick. Your partner sure sounds like an alcoholic to me. It's progressive.....IT WILL GET WORSE. In the case with my XAH, the progression was slow enough that I didn't realize how bad it was getting. But when I looked back to the beginning of the relationship vs the end, it was HORRIBLE. My XAH lost his home, job, family and car. He was homeless, but still drank. He's in jail now. I'm sure he will celebrate his release in a few months with alcohol.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
