Jeni26

Am so confused at the moment. Am in the midst of a family get together with my brothers wife and family. We always have such wonderful alcohol induced evenings. I have made the excuse that I'm not feeling too good so I can avoid alcohol as its only day 8 for me. They have laughed at that, not really a problem for me, but have all proceeded to get extremely drunk, falling over, shouting and swearing etc and I felt really uncomfortable all this was happening in front of their kids. I used to be a part of this but am so far removed from it now that I feel so very alone. Don't want this to be my life any more but it feels so very scary for it not to be. Am I destined to have to make major life changes? Wouldn't it be easier just to have drunk and been part of the family frivolities? I am just so lost.

Tippingpoint

I have found that it gets a bit easier with each day...sure there will be some days that seem particularly hard but in general terms things get better.

Things get about a million times better if you can ever truly commit to never drinking again in this lifetime. It's amazing how many people quit drinking for months and years but never make a declaration in this regard...seems easier to leave the door open I suppose. Closing that door was the best thing I've ever done...everything was infinitely easier from that point forward.

Spawn

Sometimes in recovery we have to make difficult choices......I too can't be around some family members because of their life-style....in the long run I've been much happier!

Tippingpoint

In situations like the one you're in I have found being sober when everyone else is drunk...and stupid...and rude....and loud, to be something that you can draw power from. Just think of yourself as the first person ever in the world to have discovered the secret that you do not have to drink. It can just be your secret.

Spawn

in most cases you are the company you keep

Spawn

all my new friends and family are non-drinkers

Hevyn

Jeni - I'm sorry you're down. It's not easy to rise above all that. It's hard to let go of the old life that you're used to, especially when it involves family. The way you describe the get-together, it doesn't sound like fun or something to be envious of. I know you feel like an outsider at the moment, but that will change as you grow stronger and more determined to lead a better life.

neferkamichael

Congratulations on the 8 days. Good for you. You'll have to tell them sooner or later, so don't take any crap from anybody. I'm 1 year 9 months sober, 6 months off crack. I suffered terrible for a long time but things are getting better. I enjoy my sobriety and tell everybody I meet I don't drink. It's me I'm changing, can't change anybody else. You''l do it.

eJoshua

I know what you mean, a lot of my extended family get togethers were just excuses for everyone to get drunk.

I had to separate myself from a lot of family functions because I just didn't care to be around that stuff any more. Hang in there, the urge to drink does lessen in time.

Dee74

My family get togethers used to be drink fests - so I stayed away for a while - being around people drinking is bound to be not much fun for a while.

Then, when I was sure I really absolutely liked being sober, I wanted to be this way & nothing would phaze me - I went back.

(Curiously they seem to drink a lot less now since I stopped....hmmm)

It takes a while - after all most of us drank for years - but it does get easier Jeni

D.

stillsleeping

Ugh, what a horrible night, you poor thing. And on day 8 - well done, no massive well done for not caving and joining them. I think people have given you really good advice here. Although I'm doing it gradually, the idea of coming out as life long sober will definitely make a difference. I think we won't feel so lonely once everyone knows what we're doing. And everyone else won't feel so determined to show us what an 'amazing' time we're missing once they understand. I'm on day 29 today (eek!) and am still completely avoiding boozy situations - I'll cope with that when I'm good and ready. And what Dee said about people drinkin less once they know...well, my H has only had a couple of beers since I quit and has now joined me wholesale, and my brother when I told him responded with, yeah I'll probably join you for a bit, I could do with a break myself. People surprise you. I've sure as hell surprised them

So no, I don't think we're resigned to crap and lonely nights. Life moves on, and we're the ones moving it.

Xxx

stillsleeping

Hey hon, so how you feelin today?

xx

ShaneW

The most important thing is to do whats best for your own recovery. If that means skipping get togethers or otherwise fun outtings because they would be counter-productive to your own recovery, then thats what should happen.

I find it a little easier each day, some days a lot easier. For me, I have found it beneficial to just say that I quit drinking to those who knew me as a drinker. When pressed, I say for health & money reasons...which are both true...and every single person I have told has been beyond supportive and geniunely glad to see the changes Im making. Telling the whole story can come later...but for now its important to make your recovery priority #1 over everything.

Also, for me I found posting here on SR a lot and eventually finding my way into an AA meeting to be 2 roadmaps to it becoming easier.

Stay strong, and please keep posting!

micealc

Congrats Jeni...........you are doing great.
Myself and my wife go social dancing every Monday night.
Not one of the 60 or so that attend drink alcohol,just Water or Minerals.
What a turn about for me,every thing I got involved with in the past had to have Alcohol.
There are places to go to that people dont drink to enjoy life....Check them out.

I dont get invited to too many Parties where theres Alcohol,but I dont mind.
Most of my so called friends were what I now call Fair weather Friends.
They needed ,like me one time, Drink to talk or enjoy anything....how sad.

2granddaughters

Jeni, if you do this well, the answer is YES.

Major, positive, sane, sober changes ! That only an alcoholic would fear...

Hang on... the roller-coaster ride is a little disorienting at first but you'll soon be in the groove and enjoying it.

Have some faith and it will be richly rewarded.

All the best.

Bob R (not far from London, ON)

jpgolfer

When we're drunk we're behaving in a manner that alcohol dictates. It very unpredictable. Fights, tears, hugs, love, swears, confessions, etc... Just all over the map. I think when we're the one's drunk it seems completely normal but when we are just watching it, it seems very unstable.

Hang in there. You're quit for a reason. Best of luck!!!

augustwest

just removing drugs and alcohol made me miserable. it was changing most everything else that, along with abstinence, gave me serenity and freedom and over two years of continuous sobriety to this date.

Jeni26

I'm doing just fine. There is a major sombre mood hanging over the drinkers, two if them, husband included have no memory of last nights events. I on the other hand am feeling ok and on my way out to visit a friend for the afternoon for coffee and girly time. Am so pleased to be on this path. An tucking away anxieties for today and gonna take comfort in the fact that for the first time in not sharing the angst of trying to piece together fragments of drunken memories whilst nursiing a hangover. Thank you all who posted esp still sleeping who seems a kindred spirit. U are all such an important part of my new life now xxxxx

stillsleeping

Ah, nice end to a hard night - well done darlin

I like it here too. Am off out into the sun now, see y'all later xx

Zebra1275

We always have such wonderful alcohol induced evenings.

have all proceeded to get extremely drunk, falling over, shouting and swearing etc and I felt really uncomfortable all this was happening in front of their kids.



In my mind these two statements contradict each other.