Need some advice- my wife and booze/OTC medications

Old 03-31-2012, 08:15 AM
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Need some advice- my wife and booze/OTC medications

My wife has struggled with alcohol for about two years. Classic mom sneaking shots of vodka or glasses of wine while cooking dinner. She went to a few meetings in the fall and winter and seemed to stop sneaking wine, vodka at times I wasn't home, and the little plastic bottles of covert booze went away. But recently I confronted her about OTC things like over-using Nyquil. Now she is hiding Nyquil bottles and lying about why one bottle is gone, replaced by another, all while I know one is hidden in her closet right now. So- my question- do I keep letting her know she is not fooling me and that I know she is hiding Nyquil? Of course, my greater concern is that she is also hiding booze somewhere. Thoughts on what I should do?
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:30 AM
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I am still kind of new to this, but it sounds like your wife is still having a big problem. It's great that she went to meetings, is she in therapy or getting additional help? While I may be new to this, I have to say that ignoring it does not help, it won't make it go away, but driving yourself nuts isn't doing you any good either. I would get some help for yourself, and try to figure out what you want and what is best for you and the kids. If she really wants to stop she needs help and needs to commit to it. I found out my boyfriend was using pills 2 years ago and although he stopped he never got professional help and never really took responsibility for his actions. Now he is drinking and still won't get help. I have found that talking to someone with a drug/alcohol problem when they are not ready to give it up is like talking to a brick wall. My therapist says that when a person is ready to get help you know it...they are desperate and willing to do anything to stop. You could help her find some places to get help and support her while detaching so as not to drive yourself completely bonkers, but you can't make her do it and you can't do it for her.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:18 AM
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Drinking Nyquil is just as bad as drinking alcohol. Look at the % of alcohol in Nyquil. I don't think ignoring the problem will help matters at all. Confront her & get help for yourself.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:32 AM
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Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. I recommend reading in the sticky posts. The stickies are located at the top of this forums main page. There are about 14 topics in the stickies that have little padlock symbols in the left column. These are older, permanent posts that are preserved because of their wisdom and inspiration.

This is a link to one of my favorite sticky posts. It contains steps that helped me while I was living with active alcoholism:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:33 AM
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How old are the children in her care?

It is essential you understand that her disease of addiction means that she is--quite literally--out of control of her drinking or drugging.

This means that she cannot keep any promises to you about not drinking when she is alone with the children, nor any promises that she will not drive under the influence with the children in the car. It is VITAL you understand that you cannot trust her to remain sober at any time, anywhere, in the presence of anybody. She is going to drink no matter what.

With that fact of addiction, any clear proof you have that she is an active addict puts the responsibility on you to protect your children from the risks of a drunk parent.

If you are willing to tolerate an active alcoholic raising your children and putting them at risk, then your choice can be to allow her to remain in the home and drink, openly or secretly.

If you are unwilling to accept that scenario, then you can set a firm boundary--"I will not allow my children to be exposed to the risks of an active addict in their home"-- and follow it up with action. But never make threats you do not intend to carry out. You will have to be absolutely in your gut committed to your course of action, willing to carry it out no matter what your AW does or says.

Legal advice would be a good idea. And Al-Anon for support.

Your situation is serious and you have no choice but to deal with it. So many husbands think they can "manage" the AW, but they absolutely cannot.

Welcome to SR. I hope this is the start of your recovery. Many here will offer you excellent feedback and support.
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:48 AM
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I vote for confronting her but be prepared for a lot of lies and excuses. If she's hiding cough syrup I will bet you anything she is also hiding the vodka somewhere too. Possibly the car- which is not what you want to see happen when she is driving the children around.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:39 AM
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I agree, protect those children! Read all the stickies at the top of this forum and the Family & Friends of Substance Abusers, an addict is an addict and knowledge is power.

Keep posting, we are here for you.
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Old 03-31-2012, 03:11 PM
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I'm glad you see the reality of the situation. Now what do you want to do about? We're powerless over other people and there's nothing we can do or say that will stop an alcoholic from drinking. Good luck!
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