Healthyfood

Its day 59. And so what.

I went to the party and felt absolutely invisible. Everyone had drinks, they were chatting and smoking. I just stood there like I was not even there.

Some even avoided me. Why? I had a glass of water. It could be vodka there or something similar. I had a glass to fit in.

Im about to cry. It means that I won't be able to be social in that kind of parties as Im not drinking any more!

Please help.

Dominica2

Healthy,

I am so sorry you feel that way . What are the things that have changed for the better since you got sober? I know that couldn't have been easy. I know that I am not near as loud and social sober, so I know that it would be a very akward situation for me as well. All those people drinking together probably wont even remember half the night or who they were talking to. Just try to think of it that way. Great job on the 59 days! That is truly something to be proud of! Best wishes!

Dom

awuh1

Don’t feel so bad. I went to AA meetings for my first 6 months and did not feel like I fit in. There are very few of us who can’t even feel comfortable with a bunch of other drunks.

Healthyfood

I feel very sad. People avoided me. I felt like crap. I honestly can't stand alco, its fake happiness. I was chatty and happy, but obviously something else put them off me.

Dee74

Healthy

don't make the mistake of thinking that life with always be this way - it takes time to learn new skills - and being sociable without alcohol is one of the biggest challenges we all face.

It will take more than two months of recovery and it will take more than one party

In time, you'll grow more confident - and you may even find, like I did, you'll change and want something more than drinking and smoking parties and you'll make some new friends

I find the standing around drinking and smoking parties dreadfully boring now...they make me want to bang my head against the wall....

D

Healthyfood

Dee,

I felt bored. All they did was drunk and kept topping up empty glasses. I was chatty, but I felt very uncomfortable, because I felt they did not like me.

Not sure why people avoided me. Nobody was interested to talk to me. Quick chat and nothing. I just stood there like stupid. I left so early very upset.

Sapling

Maybe they want to be like you...

Dee74

Maybe it is time to look for new friends then HF?

My old friends avoided me because I made them uncomfortable - to look at me meant they had to look at their own excessive drinking perhaps?, or maybe they just resented me for changing things?

Either way try not to look at it as what you've done wrong - you've done everything right for the last 60 or so days

D

Healthyfood

Sapling

If they wanted to be like me, they would at least speak to me. But nobody seemed interested in me. Im still single and now even can't go to the parties like this, because they are crap and people are shallow.

I never thought before that quitting alco comes with a huge consequences. It means not only new life style, but also having no more friends.

Sapling

All my friends now I hang out with or go to parties with are AA friends...Alcoholics like me....But we don't drink....When I was drinking...And I knew I had a serious problem...I didn't like being around people in recovery either.

Healthyfood

Dee,

Finding new friends is not easy. At the moment Im sooo depressed. Just not sure how to deal with this. I have never left parties early. But today I could not wait to get out.

LDT

We all feel like square pegs in round holes for a while. I think I did for more than 6-7 months. I just considered it part of the therapy/journey. It does get easier. I actually enjoy being sober at parties now. If people are avoiding you at social gatherings I think it's just a reflection of their own insecurity. Maybe our sobriety forces our friends to analyze their own drinking habits.

Dee74

I've been there - it's not easy and I'm sorry if my post implied to anyone it was.
It is possible tho

I'm not the party animal I was - I can't tell you the last time I went to a party...and I'm ok with that.

I can honestly say I only ever really liked parties for one reason anyway - drinking.

I much prefer small get togethers now with people I know and love.

If you are an a genuine enjoyer of parties HF, I'm sure you'll get that back - just give it a little time

D

Healthyfood

LDT

I did not advertise that I had water. They did not know that I was not drinking. Ok some new, but only couple people. May be I should act drunk next time and see what the reaction is then.

instant

I think this is a key issue. You were not doing what everyone else was doing. Boredom is natures way of saying 'look to take on more'. It is an opportunity to review how many such events you want to attend and if you don't do that what else do you do. it sounds boring but I love getting up very early. I do not like sitting around talking now I am sober, I like to be doing things.

Sapling

I guess it's OK to be in a room full of drunks when you're drunk...It doesn't do much for me when I'm sober...As a matter of fact...I haven't gone to one party where drinking was the theme in the 9 months I've been sober...And I don't see any on the horizon...

Purplecatlover

HF, don't let others bring you down. You are doing great. If they are true friends, they wouldn't avoid you. If you're Going to meet someone, why pick a guy at a drinking party? You don't need that extra baggage.
Find new sober friends. Join a gym to meet Healthy people, fit guys! Hang out in bookstores, etc. join a cooking class. There are good people out there, it just takes time. Be patient. Life has a way of working things out.
You're sober & that's the most important thing.

Healthyfood

Dee,

I like parties only because thats how people meet. But after this one I think its pointless to go. I could go there very late and then leave early or act completely drunk and see what happens then.

Healthyfood

Purplecatlover

I joined the gym 2 weeks ago. I agree I need to choose the places where sober people gather. Thank you!

saphira

I've never been a huge party gal in the social context but I've noticed that even when it's just a few friends and me getting together they are starting to pull away and I believe it is 100 percent what Dee said... It makes them uncomfortable because it makes them look at themselves. It makes them feel like they are doing something wrong. Like those people who are secretly happy when you screw up a diet or something... They want to feel better about themselves not see you get healthy. Just keep up the hard work and take pride in what you've done. You've done so great!!