Really Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Really Struggling
Hi all. I have been quiet but still reading along. I want to keep my voice to a minimum for a while, but I am very proud of what SR is doing.
I think I'm at the bitter end of my capacity to deal with rain. It's not even that it keeps me from getting outside, but I hear it on the roof...auditory irritation? We are wet and green in the Northwest.
But I've been agitated and cranky and alone the last couple of days. These are very dangerous things for me. Some of you remember last summer.... Today, for instance, I got wind that hubby's new job isn't perfect and it was everything I could do to come home w/o a bottle of wine. I made it, took a sleeping pill, and napped between SR readings and watching Chopped.
This just isn't easy. Nothing about it is easy.
So...tomorrow I will call my doctor (not the therapist) and try to get some antidepressants. I have some I obtained right after my sister died, but I hear they are very strong so I'm going to ask one more doctor before starting.
Oh well. Just a state of the situation. Sober, sad, disconnected.
I think I'm at the bitter end of my capacity to deal with rain. It's not even that it keeps me from getting outside, but I hear it on the roof...auditory irritation? We are wet and green in the Northwest.
But I've been agitated and cranky and alone the last couple of days. These are very dangerous things for me. Some of you remember last summer.... Today, for instance, I got wind that hubby's new job isn't perfect and it was everything I could do to come home w/o a bottle of wine. I made it, took a sleeping pill, and napped between SR readings and watching Chopped.
This just isn't easy. Nothing about it is easy.
So...tomorrow I will call my doctor (not the therapist) and try to get some antidepressants. I have some I obtained right after my sister died, but I hear they are very strong so I'm going to ask one more doctor before starting.
Oh well. Just a state of the situation. Sober, sad, disconnected.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Here and there
Posts: 31
Hey Missy,
Glad to see you here!! I realize that saying this does not help the way you feel right this milasecond, buuttt, this feeling will pass!!! I promise! Try to do something for you. How about your favorite tunes to wash out the rain and a hot bath. Maybe add some hot tea!
. Great idea to call your doctor. Sending positive vibes your way!!!
Glad to see you here!! I realize that saying this does not help the way you feel right this milasecond, buuttt, this feeling will pass!!! I promise! Try to do something for you. How about your favorite tunes to wash out the rain and a hot bath. Maybe add some hot tea!
. Great idea to call your doctor. Sending positive vibes your way!!!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I'm sorry you're struggling, Missy. I know how hard it is. It's much easier to stay sober when we're on the "pink cloud" and things look peachy. Then life gets in the way. The good thing is that you aren't drinking and that you're being proactive. Seeing your doctor is a fantastic idea, and I hope he/she can suggest something that will help with your depression. Meantime, hang in there and if nothing else keep coming here. We'll do our best to talk you off the ledge.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Missy, I'm from WA as well, and believe me, I completely understand how the rain/weather affects our mood and outlook. For some reason, rainy days make me more susceptable to other stressors.
Good job posting and asking for support. Sometimes, things look better after a good night's sleep.
Good job posting and asking for support. Sometimes, things look better after a good night's sleep.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
((((Missy))))
Sending all the thoughts, prayers, hugs, love, your way.
I have always enjoyed you and what you write. I am not around like I used to be just been really busy.
Yep those things seem to catch me more than not lately. It isn't the easiest either to get through them. If you EVER need to talk you know where to find me.
Hoping you have a wonderful Friday here and a better weekend!~~~
Sending all the thoughts, prayers, hugs, love, your way.
I have always enjoyed you and what you write. I am not around like I used to be just been really busy.
But I've been agitated and cranky and alone the last couple of days. These are very dangerous things for me.
Hoping you have a wonderful Friday here and a better weekend!~~~
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I think an SSRI is a good thing to investigate! I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Years of hiding ourselves behind various chemicals really stunts our growth and it takes a long time to build up those skills and learn how to live. There is a depth of experience, IME that is impossible when you're using. But it takes time to get there. Consistent, sober time.
Sobriety vs drinking life is like eating nothing but twinkies vs being a master chef. You can't become a master chef overnight. Not without practice, patience and effort. You'll have some flops. You'll go hungry
It's not easy. But it is worth it.
Sobriety vs drinking life is like eating nothing but twinkies vs being a master chef. You can't become a master chef overnight. Not without practice, patience and effort. You'll have some flops. You'll go hungry
It's not easy. But it is worth it. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Missy are you attending AA meetings regularly?
You said in your original post that perhaps your husband's new job isn't perfect.... try not to let the "imperfect" things bother you too much or you'll be a nut like me.
Instead of asking the Dr. for meds, I usually ask him if I should be taking meds... sometimes the meds just postpone me from dealing with the real problem (my problem is Bob).
I find that going to a meeting and taking 1 Step is better than sitting home and taking 1 Valium (that I did for 15 yrs along with my booze until 1989).
What does your sponsor think?
I wish you the best, spring is just around the corner and if I don't drink/drug I'll be able to enjoy it in all it's "real" splendor .
Remember, SOBER means (Son Of a B1#ch Everything's Real)
All the best.
Bob R
You said in your original post that perhaps your husband's new job isn't perfect.... try not to let the "imperfect" things bother you too much or you'll be a nut like me.
Instead of asking the Dr. for meds, I usually ask him if I should be taking meds... sometimes the meds just postpone me from dealing with the real problem (my problem is Bob).
I find that going to a meeting and taking 1 Step is better than sitting home and taking 1 Valium (that I did for 15 yrs along with my booze until 1989).
What does your sponsor think?
I wish you the best, spring is just around the corner and if I don't drink/drug I'll be able to enjoy it in all it's "real" splendor .
Remember, SOBER means (Son Of a B1#ch Everything's Real)
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
lack of good sunlight always makes me feel crabby and craptastic too. I don't think I would survive well in that part of the country. just know that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days....(Dear Ann taught me that one).
hang on and hang out with us. find a good trashy book to get lost in too.
hang on and hang out with us. find a good trashy book to get lost in too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Fandy 
lack of good sunlight always makes me feel crabby and craptastic too. I don't think I would survive well in that part of the country. just know that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days....(Dear Ann taught me that one).
hang on and hang out with us. find a good trashy book to get lost in too.
hang on and hang out with us. find a good trashy book to get lost in too.
My day zoomed by in no time but I found that too caused problems in my life....
I'm addicted to most everything in my life, never balance and moderation, always too much or too little.
The world is always against me, I just can't catch a break !!
Wishing all a great day and sunshine in your heart if not in your sky.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
Thinking of you today, Missy.
I appreciate your honesy on SR. I really hope you will get through this without the alcohol. I know it's hard (you and me joined SR right about the same time.) But we can be free from this addiction. Now, if life would just stay out of the way it would be sooo much easier!
Hoping for some sunshine to come your way soon. Hang in there, friend.
I appreciate your honesy on SR. I really hope you will get through this without the alcohol. I know it's hard (you and me joined SR right about the same time.) But we can be free from this addiction. Now, if life would just stay out of the way it would be sooo much easier!
Hoping for some sunshine to come your way soon. Hang in there, friend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Sorry you're struggling Missy. I live in the Dark and Dreary too, aka the Pacific Northwest. I think you're doing the right thing by seeing your doctor and addressing the problem at hand, checking in here for nuggets of wisdom and encouragement, and not picking up. Do you have a sponsor you can talk with too? Take very good care of yourself, be nice to yourself! Happy sunny thoughts sent your way!
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