CorgiDad

Hello everyone,

I'm facing my first major speed bump on my road to recovery. My wife works on the weekends for her job, so that's when I switch over to stay at home dad mode and take over caring for our son. This means that my primary source of support will be absent from 5AM until 7PM on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I am extremely nervous about relapsing so I need some help to figure out how I can prevent that and stay sober. There is absolutely nothing to do in Iowa as regards to cultural activities unless you go to Des Moines (maybe). Our son is 8 months old and my vehicle is a compact pickup with no rear seating (i.e., his car seat has to go in the front) therefore I don't feel comfortable at all about driving around with him in it, especially on the interstate. So that rules out the zoo, science center, etc. Therefore we get to be stuck at home which is a block away from the convenient store and its abundant supply of poison, (Sarcastic yay). I've been brainstorming things to do and here's what I've come up with:

• Break out the stroller and go for a walk while leaving my ID and debit card at home
• Calling a fellow AA member when I get an dangerous urge
• Read from the Big Book
• Read from my Bible
• Get some of my PhD research done while my boy sits on my knee
• Work on homework while my boy sits on my knee
• Crank some Rise Against/Bad Religion/Anti-Flag and rock the f*** out while my boy jumps around in his Johnny-Jump-Up
• Go through my iTunes and delete everything that glamorizes drinking alcohol with my boy on my knee
• Journaling
• Meditate
• Pass the time on SR

Please let me know anymore ideas to keep me away from alcohol if you think of them. Thanks a bunch!

Dee74

I think you need to realise you're your own primary source of support CD - expecting your wife to keep you sober is probably expecting a little too much.

That doesn't mean you need to do it alone - there's support here 24/7...

but why not just focus on having a great day with your son, y'know - throw a ball round, catch some bugs in the backyard, watch some movies and microwave some popcorn....

I know it can seem like it in the early days but you're not a hapless victim waiting for the Alcohol Monster to knock...you can do this!

D

ACT10Npack

Keep yourself busy is the best way to get through urges. Getting yourself bored will make you start urge which a lot of people have the problem with that. It's trough and I'm trying to sober up myself. Good luck this weekend and if you can't do it then you may go with your wife if you can. Just an idea.

Alfie3

Hi, I know where you are coming from. When my wife goes out for the day I always get the urge to go get some beers. I think the fact you have made such a comprehensive list of things to do shows that you are determined not to drink. You will be fine. You've inspired me to get a list together of things to do next time my wife goes out! All the best

instant

You have a good list there to start with, I think you forgot vigorous house work and cooking your wife a nice meal for when she comes hoe weary looking for some affection from her man !!

CorgiDad

Thanks, Instant!

Maybe I'll spend the day learning to cook. The extent of my cooking knowledge right now is frozen pizza and ramen noodles

Jitterbugg

Well...think about the danger in being intoxicated while caring for an 8 month old. When I was drunk, i couldnt even take care of myself...

DoinThis

I made a list too, similar things to yours. I made sure I read it and kept as busy as possible. I did sooooo much with my daughter to keep us both happy. The pool was a favorite but she's nearly 2 so can play more fun than an 8 month old. The first weekend will be hard, I actually felt like I was going mad, but the relief once your thru it is awesome!! And every weekend since is easier and easier. Def get your natural buzz on by exercising. Those corgis will love it!

DoinThis

Yeh u should do something amazing for your wife, clean house, dinner, flowers, it'll make u feel good and keep u busy and she'll love it!!! Win, win!

Dee74

LOL sorry CD I read 8 years...not 8 months - probably a bit early for balls and bugs and movies...

D <not a parent...

CorgiDad

Very very good point, Jitterbugg. I could never forgive myself if that were to happen.

Here's water the old me would do...I'd go to the grocery store with my son and get a six pack along with some typical household items (e.g., milk, paper towels, etc.). That way the cashier or whomever else wouldn't be suspicious when I checked out. God, that sounds like such a horrible f***ing thing to do in retrospect.

Now if I can't get drunk while I'm currently the only person taking care of him, then I would have to wait until my wife gets home to start drinking. If I even were to try that, should would kick my @$$. I'm serious, she's feisty.

Uh oh, CorgiDad, looks like you won't be drinking this weekend. Mwa ha ha ha ha! Thanks guys! SR rocks!

Oh and D, no prob. Even though I would love to play catch, go fishing, go to a ball game, or go to the science center with my boy right now, I think I'd rather have him at 8 months. He is growing way too fast as it is

Sapling

I think your list is good...You mention your AA friend...Do you have meetings in your town you could go to?...Bring the kid. Hang out on this site....Are you working on the steps at all?....I have some great websites I can send you that give you some good ideas on the steps...Even though everything you need to know is in the Big Book. Just don't drink...One day at a time....I found that staying busy working on my recovery didn't leave me time to think about drinking....You need a break...Take the kid out for walk....You can do it....Look what you have to lose if you don't.

CorgiDad

Addendum: If I even were to try that, she would kick my @$$.

Sorry about that. I was posting while in an anxiety induced insomnia and my typing became frequently more erroneous as time progressed.

sugarbear1

How about playing with your son and knowing you can't drink because you are a Parent of an 8 month old who Needs you? You can stay stopped! Lots to do with an 8 month old, do an internet search!

Lost3000

Here's my thoughts:

Is your stroller the running kind with the tough wheels? Then jog if you can. I know Iowa can be really muggy and hot so this might not be something you want to do, unless it's early morning.

Also, have you figured out your triggers? That was huge for me. For me, I commute a lot and during those times is when my trigger, hunger, would hit. So I began to carry food. Just in case hunger hit. So prepare for your triggers. Whatever they are, be ready to combat them.

Being tired is part of HALT (Too hungry, angry, lonely, tired) - triggers. Being tired is not a trigger of mine but I did find that getting rest helped me immensely. So be sure to nap when your kid is napping.

Reading is also huge for me, makes a giant impact for me. In my first month I read mostly about other alcoholics (Diary of An Alcoholic Housewife was my first read and I got through that in a week). I think that book will speak to you a lot even though you are the house-man. Also, Drinking, A Love Story - I related to that book almost every chapter.

That's all I got - other than good luck, you can do it.

CorgiDad

Lost3000,

Thanks for the encouragement. I just learned about HALT at this morning's AA meeting. I thought about the triggers and I determined that my trigger is anger. I remember times in my past life when someone or something pissed me off, so I responded by drinking. It usually went down like, "Upset me will ya?! Well I'll show you! I'm gonna drink this whole bottle of scotch then we'll see who the real jerk is! Yeah, that'll show ya!" Holy crap, that could quite possibly be the most ridiculous and stupid notion in the history of all mankind. I can't believe I used to think that way.

In terms of books, I the Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. I started reading it a few years back but kind of got distracted and didn't finish it. I figure that it would help with controlling anger. And thanks for the other book recommendations. I saw that they're on google books, so I'll plan on downloading and reading them.

Thanks again!

desertsong

Sounds to me like you're on the right track! Boredom was a KILLER for me. It's not like I was at a loss for things to do, but my foggy brain just couldn't think of any, so I drank. Keeping the brain and the body busy are HUGE, especially when the triggers come calling. Good for you!

Lost3000

Well, I can relate. I would get hungry, and drink and drink. I would purposely not make dinner, or plan a late dinner out, so that I could drink. Weird. Or, I would take hours to make dinner, while drinking, not wanting to serve up dinner. Th result was overcooked food. I could go all day like that. Eat a cracker maybe, then a bunch of vodka.

So now you know your trigger. Work on that one, like what you'll do when it comes up.

Lost3000

Oh yeah, other books I have on hand that I read from time to time:

1. How to Quit Drinking Without AA: This one is cool, it has a lot of checklists that I found handy. Also lists, like what to say when offered a drink, things you'd like to do that you never did before, etc.

2. Sober for Good: I love this book. Tales from all kinds of people, how they got sober. Huge ranges from AA to no help at all. Long term people and short term. Great book.

3. Moments of Clarity: Written by nephew of JFK. Stories gathered of famous and not so famous people, including Richard Dreyfuss, and Jamie Lee. I love this book.

On my list is Bottle Talk; Second Chances: Top Executives Share Their Stories of Addiction & Recovery; First Year Sobriety: When All That Changes is Everything; Best Kept Secret; Okay, I Quit, Now What?; Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore.

Happy reading! (p.s. - I read A LOT more now that I'm sober. These are just my alcohol genre books, I also read tons of fiction. I read the Hunger Games in one week while working full-time, with over time. This is an all-time record for me. I NEVER would have done this sober).

IndaMiricale

I think you are well on your way to building your foundation

Great list, I can only think of a couple things which I do that some mentioned cooking which I did for a living, now I am trying to start my own business making pierogi's. Small but really fun and rewarding to do something for myself.

Also maybe just read a good book of what you like, I like murder and conspiricy's ect. Something not related to recovery just to take you imagination away.

Play games with your son, and have a kitchen helper , I could use him LOL.

I also go the gym, pool, and library a lot just to get out and be around people.

Best wishes look forward to hearing more of your great journey.