bayliss

Well...back here again...

I just have a question...I am told that I am "sensitive" or "over-emotional"...I mean...I can definitely get upset quite easily when people are going at me...and for whatever reason feel like I am alone when in arguments...
I know this sort of doesn't make sense, but here is an example...my Mom and I got into an argument this morning because she said that I am "overly sensitive" and that it's "all about me" and I'm "never wrong" and it always has to be "my way"...okay...I don't understand in a way why she is saying this...because I honestly do not believe that this is the case...
But either way...I have such a HUGE, STRONG desire to drink that is not even funny. I am furious...afterwards she even began to ignore me and walked away when I was trying to talk to her and when I finally got upset and raised my voice asking why she wasn't listening she started to laugh - which really hurt my feelings even more then they were already hurt to begin with.

I just want to know how people deal with anger and upsets...it seems like every single time I am particularly angry or upset I just want to grab a bottle and get ****faced.
I am coping with other things a lot better then before but it seems like the anger is hard to deal with.
Crying doesn't seem to help...and I take everything my parents say seriously...and really value their opinion so it just makes it that much more painful for me to deal with.

Just need some advice.
Do I need anger management or something?

soberred

I don't know about anger management but I do know one thing. When you drink, everything seems worse then it is. I tend to over-react and get very emotional when I drink. I found that when I quit drinking for a period of time, I was able to cope with things a lot better.

2granddaughters

I am EXACTLY like that !! Most alkies I know at the meetings are just like that as well, some worse than others.

My life started to improve in all respects when I began to go to AA meetings,
these are the "Promises" in the Big Book of AA

The 9th Step Promises
© Alcoholics Anonymous


If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
1. We will be amazed before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.



Do those promises sound inviting to you??... they sure did to me. And they come true !!

You are not that different from most folks I know at the meetings and if/when you went to the meetings you would feel right at home very soon.

Wishing you the best in whatever you choose to do.

Bob R

langkah

Great you're back, keep trying.

bayliss

I definitely agree with you Soberred...when drinking - things definitely become magnified and more intense.

I just don't understand what it is that I should do. It's like I have lost my footing...and for whatever reason that stupid voice in my head is telling me that drinking is going to solve it and I know that it won't. It will provide a temporary relief but I am going to be back at square one...or square -1.

I don't even want to discuss things half the time because I don't want to trip up that "mine" where I am going to just want to get drunk - and drunk every day...that is why I avoid talking about a lot of things...and when I hear things that I don't want to hear, it just makes it worse.

I just need to figure out how to deal with my emotions...I used to be able to do that just fine before...when the hell did I just suddenly forget?!

bayliss

Thanks for that Bob. It definitely sounds appealing...it just seems so "far away" for me right now...I know that I gotta keep working. I know it's me! Self-sabotage! Why!?!

Thanks Langkah. It's good to be back.

soberred

Drinking is part of the problem. Not the cure. I am speaking from experience.

Anna

Bayliss, good to see you back.

I am not sure how long your sober period was, but I think that as you work on staying sober and recovering, you will find it much easier to deal with day to day issues that are making you angry now.

2granddaughters

I believe you are getting a clearer view of the disease. Yes, I said and believe it's a disease.. just my $0.02 FWIW

It does seem so far away but would you rather be 10 miles from Hell and walking away from it or 1000 miles from Hell and walking toward it.

Some will say that "you aren't trying hard enough"... I had to quit fighting and surrender to AA before I could begin to recover.

I am certainly not going to tell you what to do but as I see it those are about your only 2 choices. Please choose wisely as ,as you know right now, this is not a game.
Hopefully others can offer more choices that I'm not aware of.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

bayliss

Soberred...I know. It definitely is not a cure. I agree with you 100%.

Thanks Anna. I know that with more sober time under my belt things will get better...and I will be able to deal with things on a whole different (and better) level. I just feel like I am in such a dark place right now.

Bob - I am definitely in a better place then I was almost a year ago. Blackouts. Drinking super heavily everyday and in the mornings and the arguments with family and the boyfriend were insane.
I just need a hefty kick in the arse...

I know that this stupid alcoholic voice of mine wormed it's way into my "normal" thinking and is telling me that the only answer is itself - the booze. I know that this isn't the case.
I know that it has warped my way of thinking completely and totally. Now I am feeling sorry for myself...whenever anyone says anything to me, I fly off the handle half the time...and then I go and grab a glass of wine, or whatever it is that is around at the time.
I need to figure out different ways of coping with these intense emotions.

It's funny.
A sober person - when told that they are sensitive - your way or the highway - think everyone is doing things to **** you off - basically self absorbed -- you try and fix things...when you you have a drinking problem...you sit there and think you are a useless piece of ****...that the people in your life deserve better. That you don't even want to try better because you're not good enough and that the only solution is the booze to forget about the crap that is going on in your life.

So warped.

Right now do I want to get better? I am so upset with myself and what I have done to those around me that no...I don't...that is my "alcoholic" voice talking...
But my heart really really REALLY wants to get better. I don't want to do this anymore. I wish to rid of it once and for all. I obviously didn't have the greatest coping mechanisms to use around me that I just fell back into this damn trap all over again.

bayliss

Just want to clarify that I definitely do want to quit drinking again and work on my sobriety again...I was just saying in the previous post that the emotions are so high right now that I am thinking a mile a minute and my sober half and alcoholic half are at war with one another right now.

soberred

I can relate.

2granddaughters

Like 2 dogs fighting in our head. The one that wins is the one we feed the most.

All the best..

Bob

bayliss

Don't we all wish that we could take a pill - that our addictive selves would just be done with all the crap. Why do we put ourselves through this?

To be quite honest...the mind is an effed up thing at times. I will wake in the morning and for whatever reason feel the "need" to have a drink...(I don't get shakes or anything like that...not yet anyway - and hope never to have them) but my head will keep bothering me and bothering me...until I go and finally have one...and then two and then three and then at one point I will think "what the *%&# am I doing??" and just not be able to read, focus, cook, write, surf the net, do ANYTHING, except stare at something or pass out...and there is a day totally and utterly wasted and I HATE that. So why do I keep doing it?

At the end of the day I know why.

But ever since I was little...I never thought this would be me.
I wish I could quit drinking as easily as I did with smoking. It was difficult, of course, for the first week or so...and then I was done with it. Drinking is just so different...so "embraced" in todays society.
It's sad.

GrowingDaily

Everything you've written rings true for me. I've been told the same things, by many people. It's taken me a while to realize they're right. And even knowing they're right often isn't enough to calm my mind & bring me peace. But it gets better daily.

The issues that are at the core of my alcoholism are also at the core of my hypersensitivity. The drinking was just a symptom of the true disease. Any time a situation in my life bears a similarity to the hurtful portions of my life I've drank to forget, I react in the extreme. Of course, it doesn't seem extreme to me. But for everyone else - without the benefit of sharing my past and knowing my soul - I can be a little nuts at times.

Sobriety brings with it a rush of emotions that can be very hard to deal with. But it also frees your mind to view your life in an objective manner. And doing so gives you the opportunity to finally address the meat of the matter and make true progress in life.

GirlFromCO

I don't meant to sound flip, bayliss, but truly the process is only as hard as you make it. You're having a hard time because you haven't decided you are done for good. It's really difficult to make yourself do something when you don't want to - people go through the same thing when they're trying to stick to a restrictive diet. Personally, I went through this for years before I decided enough was enough. I'd be sober for a month, two, six months one time and then "relapses" galore, each more miserable than the last. I say "relapses" with quotes because I didn't want to stop drinking in the first place. The relapses were what I wanted - sobriety was an abnormal state of being.

I've been sober for almost 10 months - this time started out sorta similar to the last times. I didn't want to quit but I had a seizure and it scared me really bad. I was still trying to bargain with myself - I thought after a few months or a year I'd be fine. Luckily fear kept me sober long enough to see that I like life without alcohol, and that's led me to a position of confidence in my new way of life. I know for sure there's no more relapses waiting for me now - I've decided that alcohol is no longer a part of my life. It was a joyous decision, not a burden I took on. I felt like I was letting go of a burden.

So it's not impossible to sober up when your heart isn't in it, but it's hard to keep a promise you didn't want to make in the first place. I guess I'm wondering what appeal drinking still has for you? If you give up drinking, what else would you have to give up? For me, the answer was friends and social stuff. The thing is though that eventually it doesn't matter why you started drinking or why you continued after you knew you were having problems... eventually you drink just because you have to drink, and that's a hard place to be.

Dee74

good to see you back bayliss

actually I still feel needed to go through 'the crap'...that *was* my recovery - I needed to reach a place of accepting who, and what, I was, & I needed to reach that place where I really didn't want to drink again ever.

I also needed to learn to deal with my feelings - I was always sensitive and drinking was really a natural for me - it soothed me, it made stuff not matter....

unfortunately it also left me with a whole lot of other issues - and almost no coping skills to deal with basic situations in life.

It takes time to develop those skills sober - but you will - stay with it bayliss

D

Jitterbugg

Hi Bayliss,
During the peak of my alcohol abuse I was over-sensitive to everything. I was convinced that everyone was out to get me and I would snap at the slightest annoyance. I was such a ***** when I was drunk and I was a paranoid mess when I wasn't. Sober is the only way I can function in society because no one wants to be around me otherwise. That includes family, friends, girlfriends, and co-workers. They all pushed me away for their own good because I was, plain and simple, an a-hole.

eJoshua

Welcome back Bayliss

I don't think anger has ever really been a trigger for me, so I can't completely relate. I do know that alcohol was my coping mechanism for other emotions I was dealing with, though. I'm working some stuff out in therapy, so maybe that would be a good place to start. I don't remember, are you seeing a therapist?

sugarbear1

Alcohol was my self-medicating cure for all of life's problems. I stopped drinking and needed a new cure. I happened to be the real problem.... My anger and my upsets are referred to as resentments in AA. The steps help us resolve these. Before the promises, we are given a set of bedevilments.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 52 in the middle, has the bedevilments:

"We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had feelings of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't be of real help to other people--was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight? Of course it was.......Our ideas did not work....."

It's time to find a plan of action that does work. Create one, do AA, or follow AVRT. Something has to change.

You are okay just the way you are, Bayliss, it's how we deal with the world that needs to change once we take the alcohol away. Solutions DO exist. How willing are you to try some?
I wish you well,