Ridding myself of poisons
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
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Ridding myself of poisons
Now that I am on day 5, I can think a little clearer, shake a lot less, eat a bit more. This is my 4th relapse since I started on May 2010. Each time I come back, people on SR ask me what am I going to to different. I tried AA for a month. Nice people but not for me. I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I ask myself what happened this last time. Weakness? Peer pressure? Quite possibly both. I do know that when I went out that New Years Eve, I had no cravings nor any intentions on drinking. BF doesn't believe I have an addiction. He says it's weakness, selfishness, and childish. He doesn't get it. When he told me I should have a couple of drinks, I should have listened to the person screaming NOOO in my head. But I was weak for him. So we are back to the 2 month relapse. What am I going to different this time? First most importantly, never pick up again. I sent a text to BF yesterday telling him that I have excepted the fact I can never drink again and I hope he can. I love him but at this point in my life, I cannot worry about whether he excepts it or not. Second thing I am going to do is see if my insurance covers counseling. If not, I may have to work some extra days to pay for it. Outside of leaving the booze for good, I decided to give up coffee and smokes. I'm tired of poisons controlling me. I put the patch on this morning and made myself a big cup of hot green tea. I put my exercise machine in my living room so I can listen to the music while I workout. My plan is to go back to the healthy woman I was 7 years ago. Healthy mentally and physically. I vaguely remember her but I know she is there. Am I biting off more than I can chew by quitting the smokes and coffee right now? There is always going to be a stress so there really never is a good time. Now is as good as time as any. I feel like crap anyway. Might as well get through it all at once. As always, thanks SR friends for all you loving support and advice.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by soberred 
Now that I am on day 5, I can think a little clearer, shake a lot less, eat a bit more. This is my 4th relapse since I started on May 2010. Each time I come back, people on SR ask me what am I going to to different. I tried AA for a month. Nice people but not for me. I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I ask myself what happened this last time. Weakness? Peer pressure? Quite possibly both. I do know that when I went out that New Years Eve, I had no cravings nor any intentions on drinking. BF doesn't believe I have an addiction. He says it's weakness, selfishness, and childish. He doesn't get it. When he told me I should have a couple of drinks, I should have listened to the person screaming NOOO in my head. But I was weak for him. So we are back to the 2 month relapse. What am I going to different this time? First most importantly, never pick up again. I sent a text to BF yesterday telling him that I have excepted the fact I can never drink again and I hope he can. I love him but at this point in my life, I cannot worry about whether he excepts it or not. Second thing I am going to do is see if my insurance covers counseling. If not, I may have to work some extra days to pay for it. Outside of leaving the booze for good, I decided to give up coffee and smokes. I'm tired of poisons controlling me. I put the patch on this morning and made myself a big cup of hot green tea. I put my exercise machine in my living room so I can listen to the music while I workout. My plan is to go back to the healthy woman I was 7 years ago. Healthy mentally and physically. I vaguely remember her but I know she is there. Am I biting off more than I can chew by quitting the smokes and coffee right now? There is always going to be a stress so there really never is a good time. Now is as good as time as any. I feel like crap anyway. Might as well get through it all at once. As always, thanks SR friends for all you loving support and advice.
Sounds like you have a good plan.........thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Glad you're back!
Sorry you're struggling to find the "key" to quitting. I second the AVRT suggestion. I haven't tried other programs so I can't speak to other options.
But - for me - once I realized that I am in control of my physical actions and thoughts, I felt empowered. I mean ... I control myself in every other area of my life - I would never shoplift, deliberately run a red light, etc...
..... so why not make the decision that I will never drink again??
You can be the wonderful, healthy, sober person that you want to be!!! Keep posting and letting us know how you are.
p.s. On giving up everything...must admit that I would struggle with giving up so much at once. I *LOVE* my coffee!
Sorry you're struggling to find the "key" to quitting. I second the AVRT suggestion. I haven't tried other programs so I can't speak to other options.
But - for me - once I realized that I am in control of my physical actions and thoughts, I felt empowered. I mean ... I control myself in every other area of my life - I would never shoplift, deliberately run a red light, etc...
..... so why not make the decision that I will never drink again??
You can be the wonderful, healthy, sober person that you want to be!!! Keep posting and letting us know how you are.
p.s. On giving up everything...must admit that I would struggle with giving up so much at once. I *LOVE* my coffee!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by soberred
I tried AA for a month. Nice people but not for me. .
Certainly it "wasn't for me" either. It totally went against everything that the disease told me was the truth. It went completely against my nature. It was the most uncomfortable thing , in the beginning, that I had ever done in my life.... so I thought I'd dismiss it as "didn't work" or "not for me". Luckily my sponsor encouraged me not to give up just before the miracle happened as it had done for him. My sponsor's sponsor had told him to do 90 meetings in 90 days and that did the trick for me as well.
That's what I'm trying to do for you, soberred.
I am not going to tell you what works and what doesn't... just what worked for me. And it wasn't easy in the beginning. We are talking life and death here.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Bob R
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Glad you are back! Have you read about AVRT?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by soberred
I've read about AVRT and agree with some of the ideas and read some of my big book. I'm not an atheist. Matter of fact I have a very strong faith.
I'm also *not* an expert on AVRT
- there are many others much more experienced and knowledgeable than I. You may want to check out the AVRT thread in the Secular Connections area - they will be able to answer any questions you have. Also, the RR book is very informative and worth the read!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by soberred
I think maybe if I found a meeting that I felt a little more comfortable with I may attend more. I know I need something.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
AVRT is not just for atheists. I have faith in Jesus.
I think of the Addictive Voice as the devil. To me that's exactly what it is.
So I can use my faith & strength in God to shoot him down.
God gives us free will to choose right or wrong. I know beyond a doubt alcohol is VERY WRONG for me.
So I made the decision, accepted that I will never drink again.
I have not heard much from the AV anymore. He knows he's lost this war.
I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but AVRT has helped me the most.
I think of the Addictive Voice as the devil. To me that's exactly what it is.
So I can use my faith & strength in God to shoot him down.
God gives us free will to choose right or wrong. I know beyond a doubt alcohol is VERY WRONG for me.
So I made the decision, accepted that I will never drink again.
I have not heard much from the AV anymore. He knows he's lost this war.
I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but AVRT has helped me the most.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
Soberred, I don't smoke so I don't know about the cigs, but right now I have to have my coffee! It's the one thing I can look forward to enjoying.
Wishing you the best. It sounds like you really want sobriety and you can do this!
Wishing you the best. It sounds like you really want sobriety and you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Purplecatlover
AVRT is not just for atheists. I have faith in Jesus.
I think of the Addictive Voice as the devil. To me that's exactly what it is.
So I can use my faith & strength in God to shoot him down.
God gives us free will to choose right or wrong. I know beyond a doubt alcohol is VERY WRONG for me.
So I made the decision, accepted that I will never drink again.
I have not heard much from the AV anymore. He knows he's lost this war.
I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but AVRT has helped me the most.
I think of the Addictive Voice as the devil. To me that's exactly what it is.
So I can use my faith & strength in God to shoot him down.
God gives us free will to choose right or wrong. I know beyond a doubt alcohol is VERY WRONG for me.
So I made the decision, accepted that I will never drink again.
I have not heard much from the AV anymore. He knows he's lost this war.
I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but AVRT has helped me the most.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
I think its really interesting that you mentioned quitting coffee (and cigarettes, understandably). I have been considering quitting coffee as well, but I am torn about it. I really love my morning cup, however there is definitely a "drop off" around 4pm-ish. I also know that the caffeine can't be good for me and I'd prob be less socially anxious without it. Coffee also has many benefits such as antioxidants and it helps to get things done. How long have you been off of it? How are your energy levels? Do you feel better?
I quit smoking for 2 weeks prior to my relapse on March 17, when I smoked and drank (ugh). I've been back to smoking ever since. I want to quit that again, too, but for now I am focused on staying away from the drink. I'm not a heavy smoker and I DEFINITELY think drinking coffee makes me crave them ten fold. I may try to get off all "mind altering" substances at some point, too. I don't know that I could handle all that withdrawal at once, though! Keep us updated on your progress with it.
I quit smoking for 2 weeks prior to my relapse on March 17, when I smoked and drank (ugh). I've been back to smoking ever since. I want to quit that again, too, but for now I am focused on staying away from the drink. I'm not a heavy smoker and I DEFINITELY think drinking coffee makes me crave them ten fold. I may try to get off all "mind altering" substances at some point, too. I don't know that I could handle all that withdrawal at once, though! Keep us updated on your progress with it.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by janiebluebird
I think its really interesting that you mentioned quitting coffee (and cigarettes, understandably). I have been considering quitting coffee as well, but I am torn about it. I really love my morning cup, however there is definitely a "drop off" around 4pm-ish. I also know that the caffeine can't be good for me and I'd prob be less socially anxious without it. Coffee also has many benefits such as antioxidants and it helps to get things done. How long have you been off of it? How are your energy levels? Do you feel better?
I quit smoking for 2 weeks prior to my relapse on March 17, when I smoked and drank (ugh). I've been back to smoking ever since. I want to quit that again, too, but for now I am focused on staying away from the drink. I'm not a heavy smoker and I DEFINITELY think drinking coffee makes me crave them ten fold. I may try to get off all "mind altering" substances at some point, too. I don't know that I could handle all that withdrawal at once, though! Keep us updated on your progress with it.
I quit smoking for 2 weeks prior to my relapse on March 17, when I smoked and drank (ugh). I've been back to smoking ever since. I want to quit that again, too, but for now I am focused on staying away from the drink. I'm not a heavy smoker and I DEFINITELY think drinking coffee makes me crave them ten fold. I may try to get off all "mind altering" substances at some point, too. I don't know that I could handle all that withdrawal at once, though! Keep us updated on your progress with it.
I started drinking green tea. It has amazing health benefits, I really like it and it has enough caffeine in that I can get a boost without the terrible caffeine withdraw headache. Coffee seems to increase my anxiety and cravings as of late. I love my coffee too but its just not worth it.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Hi Sobered, It sounds like you are removing alot of negative items from your life and that is GREAT. Way to go!! It brings to mind the void that is created by taking away so many cruthes. Finding new positive things to replace them is of utmost importance I feel. Hope that helps.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Firehazard
Hi Sobered, It sounds like you are removing alot of negative items from your life and that is GREAT. Way to go!! It brings to mind the void that is created by taking away so many cruthes. Finding new positive things to replace them is of utmost importance I feel. Hope that helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
congrats on your decisions. you're doing what you think will work for you. One to one counseling can be great and most insurance plans cover it with stipulations. (mine gave me a list of social worker counselors that accepted their plan and my twice weekly sessions were a co-pay of $15.00. i found an amazing person who was within walking distance from my work parking and she had evening hours).
I don't think you need another lecture on AA, i think you are making a sound decision based on some good self-judgement. Thanks for sharing your plan, I appreciate that.
I don't think you need another lecture on AA, i think you are making a sound decision based on some good self-judgement. Thanks for sharing your plan, I appreciate that.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
You may have made that judgment a little too soon.
Certainly it "wasn't for me" either. It totally went against everything that the disease told me was the truth. It went completely against my nature. It was the most uncomfortable thing , in the beginning, that I had ever done in my life.... so I thought I'd dismiss it as "didn't work" or "not for me". Luckily my sponsor encouraged me not to give up just before the miracle happened as it had done for him. My sponsor's sponsor had told him to do 90 meetings in 90 days and that did the trick for me as well.
That's what I'm trying to do for you, soberred.
I am not going to tell you what works and what doesn't... just what worked for me. And it wasn't easy in the beginning. We are talking life and death here.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Bob R
Certainly it "wasn't for me" either. It totally went against everything that the disease told me was the truth. It went completely against my nature. It was the most uncomfortable thing , in the beginning, that I had ever done in my life.... so I thought I'd dismiss it as "didn't work" or "not for me". Luckily my sponsor encouraged me not to give up just before the miracle happened as it had done for him. My sponsor's sponsor had told him to do 90 meetings in 90 days and that did the trick for me as well.
That's what I'm trying to do for you, soberred.
I am not going to tell you what works and what doesn't... just what worked for me. And it wasn't easy in the beginning. We are talking life and death here.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In a Good Place
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by soberred
Now that I am on day 5, I can think a little clearer, shake a lot less, eat a bit more. This is my 4th relapse since I started on May 2010. Each time I come back, people on SR ask me what am I going to to different. I tried AA for a month. Nice people but not for me. I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I ask myself what happened this last time. Weakness? Peer pressure? Quite possibly both. I do know that when I went out that New Years Eve, I had no cravings nor any intentions on drinking. BF doesn't believe I have an addiction. He says it's weakness, selfishness, and childish. He doesn't get it. When he told me I should have a couple of drinks, I should have listened to the person screaming NOOO in my head. But I was weak for him. So we are back to the 2 month relapse. What am I going to different this time? First most importantly, never pick up again. I sent a text to BF yesterday telling him that I have excepted the fact I can never drink again and I hope he can. I love him but at this point in my life, I cannot worry about whether he excepts it or not. Second thing I am going to do is see if my insurance covers counseling. If not, I may have to work some extra days to pay for it. Outside of leaving the booze for good, I decided to give up coffee and smokes. I'm tired of poisons controlling me. I put the patch on this morning and made myself a big cup of hot green tea. I put my exercise machine in my living room so I can listen to the music while I workout. My plan is to go back to the healthy woman I was 7 years ago. Healthy mentally and physically. I vaguely remember her but I know she is there. Am I biting off more than I can chew by quitting the smokes and coffee right now? There is always going to be a stress so there really never is a good time. Now is as good as time as any. I feel like crap anyway. Might as well get through it all at once. As always, thanks SR friends for all you loving support and advice.
I have a little vacation place that is a two hours drive. I can drink there and no one would know it. My mind is trying to convince me to go after work today and drink. I cant think of anything else right now
I can picture myself on the porch drinking and smoking--in fact, I am fighting off going to get a six pack for the drive down there. Hard times today
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