Day one...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: France
Posts: 74
Day one...
Hi all,
This is my first day sober, although I've tried it before - I know/hope this time its permanent. Truly.
My story is that I'm 28, I've got a 5 yr old child that I raise alone and am an expat in Paris working from home, I'm successful, functional etc. I've been a single parent since I was pregnant and started drinking after a year of breastfeeding. Before I had my child I was always a heavy wine drinker, and spent years happily alone, or out with friends drinking and smoking.
After I stopped breast-feeding and started drinking wine again it was pretty much every second night staying up for hours to 'work' or 'research' which would work for the first 2 glasses and then spiral into scribbles, phone calls, drunken emails, cooking and finishing the bottle of wine. I've woken up every morning for my child, bright eyed and attentive to chat and fix breakfast, I've given her a loving home, we've traveled the world, she goes to school, birthday parties, museums. etc etc - I'm a great, fun, energetic, healthy mother until my child goes to sleep - and then, I'm an alcoholic.
The reason why this is the first day of not drinking for the rest of my life is because there was an incident yesterday. My child has just started a new French school and in the afternoons (for the first time) I've sometimes been having a glass of wine or beer with a large lunch - as with the culture. Yesterday however I had a small bottle, and then another 2 glasses at a cafe close by. All of this I did, and I'm deeply ashamed, BEFORE walking to pick my daughter up from school at 4:30 in the afternoon (normal time) and walking to the playground and then home, and cooked dinner, watched a film together and then went to bed. The problem: I don't even remember picking her up from school, I vaguely remember the park, and the only reason I know I cooked is because the kitchen is a mess and when I woke up the film was up on my laptop. It's disgusting, I know. It's the worst thing I've done as a parent and I'm horrified.
I need help, I need to stop drinking completely. I have no family here, and they are terrible at communicating, so I don't bother trying to talk about my feelings etc. I have made a few friends here, but I wouldn't want to scare them off by talking about my problems, I have a supportive ex-boyfriend who skypes me all the time, and a bunch of friends who skype and write often. I will go to an AA meeting here in two days from now, but knew I needed to commit to this NOW - hence signing up here, and I also sent two close friends an email admitting I am an alcoholic.
I'd love to hear from anyone who is out there, I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life alive and well!!!
Thanks -
This is my first day sober, although I've tried it before - I know/hope this time its permanent. Truly.
My story is that I'm 28, I've got a 5 yr old child that I raise alone and am an expat in Paris working from home, I'm successful, functional etc. I've been a single parent since I was pregnant and started drinking after a year of breastfeeding. Before I had my child I was always a heavy wine drinker, and spent years happily alone, or out with friends drinking and smoking.
After I stopped breast-feeding and started drinking wine again it was pretty much every second night staying up for hours to 'work' or 'research' which would work for the first 2 glasses and then spiral into scribbles, phone calls, drunken emails, cooking and finishing the bottle of wine. I've woken up every morning for my child, bright eyed and attentive to chat and fix breakfast, I've given her a loving home, we've traveled the world, she goes to school, birthday parties, museums. etc etc - I'm a great, fun, energetic, healthy mother until my child goes to sleep - and then, I'm an alcoholic.
The reason why this is the first day of not drinking for the rest of my life is because there was an incident yesterday. My child has just started a new French school and in the afternoons (for the first time) I've sometimes been having a glass of wine or beer with a large lunch - as with the culture. Yesterday however I had a small bottle, and then another 2 glasses at a cafe close by. All of this I did, and I'm deeply ashamed, BEFORE walking to pick my daughter up from school at 4:30 in the afternoon (normal time) and walking to the playground and then home, and cooked dinner, watched a film together and then went to bed. The problem: I don't even remember picking her up from school, I vaguely remember the park, and the only reason I know I cooked is because the kitchen is a mess and when I woke up the film was up on my laptop. It's disgusting, I know. It's the worst thing I've done as a parent and I'm horrified.
I need help, I need to stop drinking completely. I have no family here, and they are terrible at communicating, so I don't bother trying to talk about my feelings etc. I have made a few friends here, but I wouldn't want to scare them off by talking about my problems, I have a supportive ex-boyfriend who skypes me all the time, and a bunch of friends who skype and write often. I will go to an AA meeting here in two days from now, but knew I needed to commit to this NOW - hence signing up here, and I also sent two close friends an email admitting I am an alcoholic.
I'd love to hear from anyone who is out there, I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life alive and well!!!
Thanks -
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Welcome WK
You have done exactly the right thing signing up to SR. That is the most difficult move. Giving up drinking is hard, but it is worth it, and you will get lots of support here. I used to drink 1-2 bottles a day, and now have been 9 weeks sober, I have never felt better for a long time, and I embrace sobriety with joy.
AA is good to go to as well, use every tool you can, you will feel the benefits
Billy
You have done exactly the right thing signing up to SR. That is the most difficult move. Giving up drinking is hard, but it is worth it, and you will get lots of support here. I used to drink 1-2 bottles a day, and now have been 9 weeks sober, I have never felt better for a long time, and I embrace sobriety with joy.
AA is good to go to as well, use every tool you can, you will feel the benefits
Billy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi workingknee 
it's the slow part of the day here at the forum, but I wanted to welcome you to SR
You've made a great decision to stop drinking and I know you'll find a lot of support understanding and ideas here
good to have you with us!
D
it's the slow part of the day here at the forum, but I wanted to welcome you to SR
You've made a great decision to stop drinking and I know you'll find a lot of support understanding and ideas here
good to have you with us!
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I am so happy for you to have made the decision and committed yourself to it - the energy in the last few lines of your post is so exciting!
I really wish you the best and hope and pray that you can get out of the prison of addiction before you accumulate more terrible memories of drunken parenting - of these, I myself have far too many. They are a real torment.
I think it was very smart to tell a few close friends. Now you have a reality check outside.
Congratulations and keep posting about how it goes!! I wish you every success.
I really wish you the best and hope and pray that you can get out of the prison of addiction before you accumulate more terrible memories of drunken parenting - of these, I myself have far too many. They are a real torment.
I think it was very smart to tell a few close friends. Now you have a reality check outside.
Congratulations and keep posting about how it goes!! I wish you every success.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Welcome here. There's a decent AA group that meets several times each week (evenings and noon) in the basement of the American Church. Best to attend as often as you drank each week. Meetings are in English, lots of expats and natives attend because the group is friendly and has a good focus and feeling.
A ton of meetings all over town, check online for info.
A ton of meetings all over town, check online for info.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
Hi hun, I'm a mum also and since living interstate and having had a baby my drinking escalated out of control too. Expect the first month to be one of the hardest things you've ever done but also expect to feel better than you've felt for a long time after that! U can do it! A lot of my new friendships here (in my new state) are growing because I have more motivation to do stuff rather than stay at home and drink at night. I'm 8 weeks now and I often feel so good I think 'wow, this is the feeling I was searching for with every drink!'. All the best
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Getting sober sounds like a great move, it sounds like you have so much to offer. Welcome to SR. I love this place.
You have reminded me........alcohol is not a performance enhancing drug
and it is so easy to forget that it is an addictive substance
You have reminded me........alcohol is not a performance enhancing drug
and it is so easy to forget that it is an addictive substance
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR...You're making a great decision. AA saved my life and changed it like I didn't think was possible...It can change yours too...You just have to go get it. This is a great site for support...Be sure and use it as well as AA. Best wishes for you and my prayers are with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: France
Posts: 74
Thank you all so much for the information and words of encouragement, it makes me feel like this really is going to work, having a community out there sharing their own struggles and support. I do get really frightened sometimes, what if I do it again, what if I fail at this... think myself into submission - - - I really hope this all works for me and I can really be a great role model for my child, day and night. Looking forward,,,
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I think we all had those same fears at first - I know I did. I really couldn't imagine a life without drinking and was afraid to commit because I'd failed so many times to do it on my own. Coming here has made all the difference - it's been a life-saver for me! I'm enjoying being a mom again, too (rather than always thinking, planning or trying to deal with the effects of alcohol).
Take it a day at a time and come here often. We're all behind you!
Take it a day at a time and come here often. We're all behind you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
I definitely had those fears too WK - I had twenty years of trying and failing....
I've been sober now 5 years....from this side of the fence I see you can't fail - not if you're really committed and prepared to do what it takes to get into, & stay in, recovery
D
I've been sober now 5 years....from this side of the fence I see you can't fail - not if you're really committed and prepared to do what it takes to get into, & stay in, recovery
D
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 25
Hi working knee,
First off, welcome to SR. I'm a new member myself and I can already say that you've made the right decision coming here. Everyone here is extremely supportive, friendly, and wise.
Second, I can really relate to your dilemma. My wife wife and I have a beautiful, 8 month old baby boy. She works full time and is our main source of income while I work on my PhD. So I function as the stay at home dad for the majority of the time. I take care of our son, keep the house somewhat clean, do laundry, do dishes, take care of our dogs, work on my coursework, work on my research, teach, grade homework, and help her with her own coursework (she's attending college too). So with all of this pressure bearing down on my being, I thought that I needed a "reward" at the end of the day. Well, that reward was usually anywhere from a six pack of beer to an entire bottle of whiskey. I didn't want a little buzz, I wanted to drink myself to oblivion. That way I could escape my hectic life and drift off to some alcohol induced, alternate reality. I never perceived this to be a problem until, like you, I had that rock bottom revelation which for me came in the form of multiple alcohol induced seizures after last Saturday night's "reward" which was a bottle of wine and 12 beers. It truly was the worst day of my life. When I started to regain consciousness, I was in the ER getting stitches where I gashed my head open during one of the seizures and my wife, who had found me and called 911, was sobbing. All I did was bawl my eyes out and repeat over and over, "I've failed my family." That was my wake up call that made me start to change my ways for myself and my family.
I know that the rock bottom event f***ing sucks but I am actually grateful for it. It made me stop and get help before my alcoholism could wreak anymore havoc on my life. It could have continued for years and I could have destroyed my marriage, lost my son, lost my job, or even lost my life.
Sorry to ramble on, but anyway congratulations! You've taken the first step. You have a disease and you want to get help.
AA is great. Everyone there proactively wants to help you get better. Although keep in mind that each meeting is different so go to multiple meetings until you find the one that works for you (I learned that from MarylandRick). The first meeting I went to was really disappointing. It seemed like most of the people there were only there because the court had ordered them to. There were what I assume were high school aged kids there that cracked jokes the entire time and that absolutely infuriated me. The second meeting I went to was awesome. I met some great people who were all there for the sole reason of getting sober. I also got a copy of the Big Book, which I'm looking forward to start reading.
Also, I know it's cliche, but exercise helps immensely. Even just walking outside will help anxiety and quell any urges. I like to go on strenuous bike rides with hardcore punk (straight edge, mind you) blaring into my ears. The physical activity will release endorphins in your brain which is a amazing yet healthy feeling you can't get while drunk.
So, good luck on your journey. Feel free to send me a personal message. Getting sober alone is damn near impossible. And remember, in the words of stillsleeping, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." God bless.
First off, welcome to SR. I'm a new member myself and I can already say that you've made the right decision coming here. Everyone here is extremely supportive, friendly, and wise.
Second, I can really relate to your dilemma. My wife wife and I have a beautiful, 8 month old baby boy. She works full time and is our main source of income while I work on my PhD. So I function as the stay at home dad for the majority of the time. I take care of our son, keep the house somewhat clean, do laundry, do dishes, take care of our dogs, work on my coursework, work on my research, teach, grade homework, and help her with her own coursework (she's attending college too). So with all of this pressure bearing down on my being, I thought that I needed a "reward" at the end of the day. Well, that reward was usually anywhere from a six pack of beer to an entire bottle of whiskey. I didn't want a little buzz, I wanted to drink myself to oblivion. That way I could escape my hectic life and drift off to some alcohol induced, alternate reality. I never perceived this to be a problem until, like you, I had that rock bottom revelation which for me came in the form of multiple alcohol induced seizures after last Saturday night's "reward" which was a bottle of wine and 12 beers. It truly was the worst day of my life. When I started to regain consciousness, I was in the ER getting stitches where I gashed my head open during one of the seizures and my wife, who had found me and called 911, was sobbing. All I did was bawl my eyes out and repeat over and over, "I've failed my family." That was my wake up call that made me start to change my ways for myself and my family.
I know that the rock bottom event f***ing sucks but I am actually grateful for it. It made me stop and get help before my alcoholism could wreak anymore havoc on my life. It could have continued for years and I could have destroyed my marriage, lost my son, lost my job, or even lost my life.
Sorry to ramble on, but anyway congratulations! You've taken the first step. You have a disease and you want to get help.
AA is great. Everyone there proactively wants to help you get better. Although keep in mind that each meeting is different so go to multiple meetings until you find the one that works for you (I learned that from MarylandRick). The first meeting I went to was really disappointing. It seemed like most of the people there were only there because the court had ordered them to. There were what I assume were high school aged kids there that cracked jokes the entire time and that absolutely infuriated me. The second meeting I went to was awesome. I met some great people who were all there for the sole reason of getting sober. I also got a copy of the Big Book, which I'm looking forward to start reading.
Also, I know it's cliche, but exercise helps immensely. Even just walking outside will help anxiety and quell any urges. I like to go on strenuous bike rides with hardcore punk (straight edge, mind you) blaring into my ears. The physical activity will release endorphins in your brain which is a amazing yet healthy feeling you can't get while drunk.
So, good luck on your journey. Feel free to send me a personal message. Getting sober alone is damn near impossible. And remember, in the words of stillsleeping, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." God bless.
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