RuggedManiac

My father was an alcoholic.

First and foremost, let me just say that I'm proud of my father. He's my hero for what he accomplished in his life. He grew up with nothing and made something out of himself. He met adversity full force and did a lot of things for a lot of people. For those he cared about, he did a lot of things for. He was generous.

He was a great father to me. He spoiled the heck out of me, gave me everything, bought me everything, was always giving me advice and telling me to do what I wanted in life and not listen to naysayers, to go after my dreams and not listen to those who say the said dreams could not be accomplished. He told me that knowledge was in everyday life, but you have to seek it. He also told me to never stop learning and never become arrogant over what I do, because at the end of the day, I'm only human just like everybody else.

He died at the age of 49 from cirrhosis of the liver and renal failure.

He had his vices. That's for sure. This is the hard part, writing this. He died when I was 13. He owned a business; gave a lot of people many job opportunities. When the business was in trouble at times, I guess that drinking was an outlet.

I've never told this to anybody. Or, rather, what I mean is, I've never told anybody that he was an alcoholic. I don't even like writing the words, or the sentence, rather. It's difficult to write, so excuse me if this is really inarticulate.

I just got out of a 3-year relationship with a girl that was once amazing. The relationship was even once amazing. When we broke up, it was a nasty breakup (she cheated on me). She yelled at me, and immaturely told me that my father was an alcoholic. The fact that she said that made me so angry that it will be easier to get over her (instead of remembering the good times, I have the lasting memory of her saying that as it reverberates over and over again in my head).

He didn't excessively drink every day to the point of being insanely intoxicated. No. He never got 'drunk'. No. He did, however, have a drink every day, but he always acted the same, whether drinking or not drinking. He was always my dad. We shot basketball, passed football, ate popsicles (spelling), ate potato chips and watched movies, laughed, cried together when my uncle died, played video games... the list goes on.

But he drank every day. Jim Beam Black Double Aged, I believe, because a couple of weeks ago I had some, mixed with Diet Coke, and the smell took me right back to my childhood. Is it weird that, in a way, the smell was comforting? Am I weird for saying that? It was comforting because it reminded me of a great time in my life. I bought a bottle a week ago. Haven't opened it.

But again, that's what he drank every day. It eventually killed him. I guess, to him, it didn't seem like he was doing any damage. But I still remember the last days of his life, the yellow eyes, the strong man I always knew looking so weak. It really killed me inside.

I don't even know why I'm writing this? For support, I guess? He died about 9 years ago. He will always be my hero, but I wish that he was still here.

I feel like a piece of crap son for saying the word 'alcoholic' to describe him. I apologize...

Sapling

You can see the love for your dad coming out of that post...Don't worry about the word...A lot of us are alcoholics.....I know I am.

sadsoul2011

Thanks for sharing!

Your dad sounds like an amazing person and father! He obviously loved you very much and you him. All the emotions you've expressed are so real and touching. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you find healing and comfort in all the wonderful memories. I'm sure your dad is watching over you and is very proud. :ghug3

RuggedManiac

Thanks for the replies. I know I probably posted this in the wrong subforum. I guess I was quick on the trigger to post it because I just wanted to talk about everything.

I've talked about his death before, but I've never talked about it in the same manner or used the word 'alcoholic'.

eJoshua

I'm sorry for your pain. Calling him an alcoholic doesn't make you a bad son. I'm sure if he were still alive today he would want you to recognize his faults so that you didn't repeat them. That's the goal of any good father.

I'm sure the death of a parent is a very difficult thing to come to terms with. It sounds like you would benefit from working a recovery program of your own to help you recover from the pain your dad's addiction and subsequent passing had on you. I would highly encourage you to check out Alanon if you haven't before. Also stop by the friends and family section of our forum and you will find a lot of other people that are dealing with having had an alcoholic parent.

Best wishes to you in your grieving and recovery.

2granddaughters

RuggedManiac, are you an alcoholic?

Bob R

Dee74

Hi ruggedmaniac

The love and respect you had for your dad really does shine through.

I think it does all of us good to remember that we're all human beings - alcoholics & addicts or not, we have our good sides, and our not so good - and we all have our crosses to bear and challenges to meet.

Thanks for sharing your memories and your thoughts - and welcome to our community

D

Squizz

Wow! Sounds a lot like my dad. Except for one difference: My dad is the worst kind of alcoholic: a FUNCTIONING alcoholic. Down to the tee, owns a business, etc. Great dad all the way around.

Just still can't understand why I can't "handle my booze". Ah well, at least he lets me leave work to go to meetings. So he's coming around in a sense.

But about your father, I'm really sorry to hear you lost him at the age of 49. That's too young for anyone to die. And the way you described his drinking leads me to believe one of two things:

1)You're minimizing the amount of alcohol your father drank.
or
2)Your father was genetically predisposed to liver complications.

Because if your father drank as little as you claim..........I mean, even if he WAS a daily drinker, I find it highly suspect that he would die from liver failure at such a young age. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but it just seems like something here isn't adding up. I mean typically speaking, if someone dies at the age of 49 from liver failure, they're usually a fall-down drunk.

"He didn't excessively drink every day to the point of being insanely intoxicated. No. He never got 'drunk'."

See I find that hard to believe.

And I say this, because a lady I used to see at the bar was a complete and utter slop-show. She had stage four cirrhosis of the liver, and hasn't had a drink in 10 months. She was about mid-fifties, as well.

Regardless, at the end of the day, none of this really matters. What DOES matter, is that your father was deprived some of the best years of his life due to this awful disease of alcoholism. May his soul rest in peace. And I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future, take care!

RuggedManiac

You are right. He always told me, "Please don't ever drink. It's nasty stuff." I remember one time, I was probably 5, 6 or 7 (can't really remember the exact age), he had a glass of JB and Diet Coke sitting on the counter. He said, "Want a drink?" I smelled of it and said, "Ew! Gross!" He grinned, and said, "Go ahead." I took a sip and spit it out into the sink. I can't remember what else he said. I think he said that it was no good and made a joke. He was always humorous, to try to lighten the mood and put a smile on everybody's face. Even when he was dying and in so much pain, he was humorous with the nurses and his doctor. They wrote my mother a letter after he died saying that his death impacted them.

Thanks for the reply. I'll be sure to check the other subforums out.

I like whiskey, bourbon and rum. I drink regularly with friends (by regularly I mean a couple of times a month), but I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic. I will admit that I have drank alcohol to rid feelings of anxiety. I know it's a dumb thing to do. I haven't did that since December, however. I've learned to resort to exercise, specifically resistant weight training. It''s helped a lot. I'm not completely sure, but I think my dad had anxiety problems. But again I'm not totally sure. My mom has issues with anxiety, but she never drank (except for margaritas every now and again). Can anxiety be hereditary? I wonder. I get extreme anxiety sometimes, as if my stomach is on fire, I start sweating. It's ridiculous, and 90% of the time it's unwarranted.

Hope that I'm welcome here, and I hope that I learn lessons from what everybody has to say around the forum. I'm not an alcoholic, but I've been affected by alcoholism without a doubt.

2granddaughters

I'm glad to meet you...

Bob

RuggedManiac

Thanks for replying. I appreciate your kind candor and support!

Thanks for replying, Squizz. I should have mentioned in the original post that there's a family history, yes. My dad's father died in 1989 and had liver problems, but there were a plethora of things involved (black lung, and more). My dad had a brother that died in 1989, too, and I don't know all the details, but he was a constant alcoholic. Now, my dad's mother died a few months before he did. She never drank, but apparently she had major liver problems. To the exact extent, I'm not sure. The sad thing is that I'm barely close to his side of the family even if it's a large family. They hardly contact me.

He has another brother that's still living today, he's about 66-67 I believe. He doesn't drink, and never has been a drinker, but he has liver problems.

Sapling

That's one of the nastiest parts of this disease...How far the damage we do to ourselves stretches out to affect other people..

DisplacedGRITS

An alcoholic isn't a bad person. An alcoholic is a sick person.