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If it isn't me the it's....

Old 03-27-2012, 07:52 AM
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If it isn't me the it's....

I am a recovering addict, and I seem to accomplish great things when I am reclusive . After learning to change people places and things and spending over two ears working on it I find that I have a few "clingers". It seems to me everytime I start getting better things going on in my life one of the clingers lets call them Sam and Apple come barreling in. Wanting to know what I'm up to where I've been and Oh my gosh I've got the greatest (pick your poison) in the world and I want to do it with you. I always say no except for once or twice over ten months ago, but the sub-conscious repercussions are hell. I find that I have nightmares that are so real about useing I can feel it taste it smell it I wake up sweating and still tasting it feeling a small amount of the effects seemingly lingering, and it is destroying me lately. My boyfriend doesn't sleep well because I'm not sleeping well, and I'm worried sick about Sam who has no self-control or will to change. It's like watching my past in fast forward and a couple of her "poisons" I would never have touched even in my darkest most just make it go away moments. and I'm kind of lost.... IDK what to do how to help her or how to help myself.
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Old 03-27-2012, 07:57 AM
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Welcome to SR LostInLife89....This is an easy one...Forget her...You can live without a friend like that...Literally...Take care of yourself...Nothing else...Are you working a program of recovery?...NA maybe?
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:01 AM
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Welcome

You dont have to be lost in life anymore. Keep reading and posting.
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:02 AM
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I work A.A. I didn't feel comfortable at N.A. and I only just recently committed to A.A. because of the dreams.
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by LostInLife89 View Post
I work A.A. I didn't feel comfortable at N.A. and I only just recently committed to A.A. because of the dreams.
That works...I have a lot of addicts in my morning meeting...It's working for them...That's all that counts...One of the many changes I had to make...After 35 years of drinking...Was changing who my "friends" were...Some of them had to go...It was like they were happier if I drank...Sounds like you have the same problem....Cut ties....If being clean is what you want....You have to do it...Have you gotten a sponsor and worked the steps?
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:13 AM
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I'm at the doctor's office right now so I'm missing my meeting today, and tomorrow I think I'm getting a sponsor. I find that I can cut ties, but I don't get much respect from Sam and Apple cause I know they are happier when I'm useing because they are all I have when I am. They seem to know just what to say to tear me apart or get right under my skin to worry me sick for them, and get my brain going hay-wire.
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:16 AM
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Originally Posted by LostInLife89 View Post
I'm at the doctor's office right now so I'm missing my meeting today, and tomorrow I think I'm getting a sponsor. I find that I can cut ties, but I don't get much respect from Sam and Apple cause I know they are happier when I'm useing because they are all I have when I am. They seem to know just what to say to tear me apart or get right under my skin to worry me sick for them, and get my brain going hay-wire.
They got to GO!....Make that clear...Get a sponsor and work the steps..You can get out of this...I was broken...And I did.
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Old 03-27-2012, 08:21 AM
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Yup yup I'm working on it, trying to. I have to go my doc just walked in... thank you everyone : )
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Old 03-27-2012, 02:20 PM
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Hi lostinlife

I had a few friends who I spent years with and got close to - but we were poison for each other, always - subconsciously or not - encouraging each others' addictions.

It was a toxic relationship, pure and simple.

I moved on - and I'm glad I did...I found a better life and better me than I ever would have allowed myself to, living that old life

D
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Old 03-27-2012, 02:55 PM
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Are you sober now? Does doctor know about your using and drinking? It may help you to be honest with your doctor!
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:41 AM
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My docotor knows and I'm having a procedure on wed. that will require me to spend the night in the hospital. I told my doctor I didn't want to wake up hooked up to a morphine drip or having been given a shot of w.e for pain that IF I decide I can't handle the pain then I will take low doses of some medication. I refuse to be pumped up and out of it on some bullsh*t nobody asked me about
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:02 PM
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Just wanted to add my welcome to the others....

I'm sure you're not looking forward to Wednesday, but good for you for thinking ahead on the meds and talking to your doctor. As far as "Sam" is concerned, the best thing you can do is be an example and take care of you. I'll send a prayer for her (you too) - hang in there!
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