My mother
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
My mother
Don't know where to start as this is my first post. I don't want to bore anyone with a long story as I'm sure you all know how it is, so I will make it short.
My mother has been an alcoholic for the past 15 years. My siblings and I have tried many times to help her with no avail. A few moths ago she drank lots and popped all he blood pressure pills as she wanted to commit suicide, she has never done that before. She made it thru, thank god. Well anyways she has still been drinking. Last night she drank 9 tall boys, that is a lot, she is a very tiny woman, maybe 100 lbs soaking wet. She call me last night at 1 am. I did not answer as I did not hear the phone ringing. So she called my sister. She told my sister that she is throwing up blood. My sister called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. They made her wait hours and she was not seen, so my moth decided to leave. I'm very worried about her. I don't know what to do anymore.
I know she wants to change, she has finally admitted that she is an alcoholic and that she needs help. She will be going to a treatment center in May, it is quite far away, but that's the only time they will have a bed for her. I know that her living situations make the situation harder for her now, but she lived with me before and I just could not deal with it as I have a family of my own and two children. I'm at my wits end. Question, is throwing up blood a really bad thing, has anyone here have a loved one do that?
My mother has been an alcoholic for the past 15 years. My siblings and I have tried many times to help her with no avail. A few moths ago she drank lots and popped all he blood pressure pills as she wanted to commit suicide, she has never done that before. She made it thru, thank god. Well anyways she has still been drinking. Last night she drank 9 tall boys, that is a lot, she is a very tiny woman, maybe 100 lbs soaking wet. She call me last night at 1 am. I did not answer as I did not hear the phone ringing. So she called my sister. She told my sister that she is throwing up blood. My sister called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. They made her wait hours and she was not seen, so my moth decided to leave. I'm very worried about her. I don't know what to do anymore.
I know she wants to change, she has finally admitted that she is an alcoholic and that she needs help. She will be going to a treatment center in May, it is quite far away, but that's the only time they will have a bed for her. I know that her living situations make the situation harder for her now, but she lived with me before and I just could not deal with it as I have a family of my own and two children. I'm at my wits end. Question, is throwing up blood a really bad thing, has anyone here have a loved one do that?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello ScaredDaughtr, Welcome to SR!
This is a great place for support and information! I'm so glad you found us, but I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what brings you here.
I suppose to answer your first question, yes, throwing up blood for anyone is an indication of something serious. Perhaps she can be convinced to return to the emergency room so that a doctor may examine her.
The person who sent me to these boards originally was my stepson. He's an alcoholic and poly-substance abuser. I wish that I could tell you "here are the tools you need to fix your Mom", but I can't. None of us is powerful enough to "fix" the alcoholics or addicts in our lives. No amount of begging, pleading, threatening or ultimatums will work. Your mom will have to want to get sober more than anything else, and she'll have to do that work herself.
A very important concept for those of us who love someone struggling with addiction is something called the 3C's:
You did not cause the addiction.
You cannot control the addict.
You cannot cure the addict.
I hope you will stick around, keep reading (especially the information in the "stickies" posts at the top of each forum), and learn all you can about addiction.
Welcome, again. You are not alone.
HG
This is a great place for support and information! I'm so glad you found us, but I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what brings you here.
I suppose to answer your first question, yes, throwing up blood for anyone is an indication of something serious. Perhaps she can be convinced to return to the emergency room so that a doctor may examine her.
The person who sent me to these boards originally was my stepson. He's an alcoholic and poly-substance abuser. I wish that I could tell you "here are the tools you need to fix your Mom", but I can't. None of us is powerful enough to "fix" the alcoholics or addicts in our lives. No amount of begging, pleading, threatening or ultimatums will work. Your mom will have to want to get sober more than anything else, and she'll have to do that work herself.
A very important concept for those of us who love someone struggling with addiction is something called the 3C's:
You did not cause the addiction.
You cannot control the addict.
You cannot cure the addict.
I hope you will stick around, keep reading (especially the information in the "stickies" posts at the top of each forum), and learn all you can about addiction.
Welcome, again. You are not alone.
HG
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
I have no experience to offer - I was the alcoholic - but I wanted to welcome you ScaredDaughter - you'll find a lot of support here, from folks who've been there, like HG - her advice is great 
One day, 5 or so years ago, I had a moment of clarity...and I changed my life.
I hope, and will pray, your mother has a similar experience
D
One day, 5 or so years ago, I had a moment of clarity...and I changed my life.
I hope, and will pray, your mother has a similar experience
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((ScaredDaughtr))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here.
I'm both a recovering addict and have loved ones who are still active in addiction, like my stepmom (I live with her, my dad, and my niece that they've raised). I know addiction inside and out, lived it, etc. but it still didn't prepare me for being the LOVED ONE of an A (addict/alcoholic).
The great folks here have helped me, tremendously. I still fall into codie-land, where I think that I can say or do the right thing and stepmom (or whoever...lots of A's in my family) will suddenly "get it" and do right. I just don't stay there for long any more.
I know that I didn't become an RA (recovering addict) until the consequences got too much for me to deal with. My ex bf never did get it...he died. I know, however, without one doubt that I couldn't have stopped him from doing what he was determined to do.
I know you love your mom, but you have yourself and your own family to take care of. That, IMO, is priority one. A lot of people here find al-anon meetings really helpful. I've never gone to a meeting, but I know that having f2f support has helped a LOT of people.
I'm just grateful to the friends and families here. I turned to drugs to deal with the first A bf, and today? I don't have to do that because I can come here, ask questions, vent, whatever. I do have f2f people who are supportive of me, though.
You're not alone, we are here for you and there are probably meetings where you can get a real life hug from someone who understands. In the meantime, I am sending...
Hugs and prayers (via cyberspace)
Amy
I'm both a recovering addict and have loved ones who are still active in addiction, like my stepmom (I live with her, my dad, and my niece that they've raised). I know addiction inside and out, lived it, etc. but it still didn't prepare me for being the LOVED ONE of an A (addict/alcoholic).
The great folks here have helped me, tremendously. I still fall into codie-land, where I think that I can say or do the right thing and stepmom (or whoever...lots of A's in my family) will suddenly "get it" and do right. I just don't stay there for long any more.
I know that I didn't become an RA (recovering addict) until the consequences got too much for me to deal with. My ex bf never did get it...he died. I know, however, without one doubt that I couldn't have stopped him from doing what he was determined to do.
I know you love your mom, but you have yourself and your own family to take care of. That, IMO, is priority one. A lot of people here find al-anon meetings really helpful. I've never gone to a meeting, but I know that having f2f support has helped a LOT of people.
I'm just grateful to the friends and families here. I turned to drugs to deal with the first A bf, and today? I don't have to do that because I can come here, ask questions, vent, whatever. I do have f2f people who are supportive of me, though.
You're not alone, we are here for you and there are probably meetings where you can get a real life hug from someone who understands. In the meantime, I am sending...
Hugs and prayers (via cyberspace)
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
I'm a nurse, and just wanted to say that throwing up blood is common in alcoholics because long-term drinking is so damaging to the lining of the throat and stomach. This isn't really the place for medical discussions but there's good information on the Internet. Try the Mayo Clinic website or Medline Plus for reliable basic information.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you found us, but sorry about the reason that sent you here.
Have you considered attending Alanon meetings for face-to-face support in your local community? Alanon meetings are support group meetings for friends and family members of alcoholics, even if the alcoholic is no longer drinking, and the meetings are based on the same 12 steps as AA (alcoholics anonymous).
I find the meetings to be welcoming, friendly, and a wonderful resource for information.
Please continue to post, vent and share your feelings as much as needed. We are here to support you!
I'm glad you found us, but sorry about the reason that sent you here.
Have you considered attending Alanon meetings for face-to-face support in your local community? Alanon meetings are support group meetings for friends and family members of alcoholics, even if the alcoholic is no longer drinking, and the meetings are based on the same 12 steps as AA (alcoholics anonymous).
I find the meetings to be welcoming, friendly, and a wonderful resource for information.
Please continue to post, vent and share your feelings as much as needed. We are here to support you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Update
Thank you all so much for your insight and help on my issue. I took my mother to the hospital yesterday. Her blood pressure was sky high, the hospital staff and doctors were amazing and non judgmental. Marytherboo, you were exactly right, she is ruining the line of her stomach and esophagus, and also tore a bit of her esophagus. The doctor told her that if she continues to drink she will die, that scared her. The great thing is............. My mom is admitting she is an alcoholic and she want help to overcome the addiction. And the crazy thing is I actually believe her this time. This time is so different, it's as if something in her brain clicked.
She will be entering a treatment center in may as that's the only time a bed will be available for her. She is also seeing an addiction councilor and a psychologist.
My mother was very adamant saying that she will no longer even smell a beer, let alone drink one. She now realizes that there are people out there to help her, and that she is not alone, and MOST of all I think see now feels worthy as a person to become sober and be the best person she is able to be. As I'm writing this, I feel a sense of ease, like weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I can actually breathe a sigh of relief, with a smile on my face. I KNOW THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT, I TRULY BELIEVE THAT SHE WILL BE GOING DOWN A NEW GOOD PATH! I'm sure it will be a difficult one, but I will be there to help her whenever need be. I am so thankful for forums like these and for all those who are suffering and sharing their stories.
I'm so happy to know that I will be getting my other back, she has been lost for 18 years. God bless..... Xoxoxo
She will be entering a treatment center in may as that's the only time a bed will be available for her. She is also seeing an addiction councilor and a psychologist.
My mother was very adamant saying that she will no longer even smell a beer, let alone drink one. She now realizes that there are people out there to help her, and that she is not alone, and MOST of all I think see now feels worthy as a person to become sober and be the best person she is able to be. As I'm writing this, I feel a sense of ease, like weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I can actually breathe a sigh of relief, with a smile on my face. I KNOW THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT, I TRULY BELIEVE THAT SHE WILL BE GOING DOWN A NEW GOOD PATH! I'm sure it will be a difficult one, but I will be there to help her whenever need be. I am so thankful for forums like these and for all those who are suffering and sharing their stories.
I'm so happy to know that I will be getting my other back, she has been lost for 18 years. God bless..... Xoxoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Oops
Ooops, forgot to mention. My mom said she will never drink again, I'm curious about the withdrawals she will go thru? As she has never quit long enough to go thru withdrawals.... She wants to go thru withdrawals on her own. The doctor did tell her that some extreme alcoholics like her that quit cold turkey without detox can die from the withdrawals, that freaks me out. He also gave her a card and said if the withdrawals become bad to call that number and they will help her with detoxing. So, if anyone knows hat some withdrawals could happen please share?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((ScaredDaughtr))) - I'm glad your mom was seen and treated well at the hospital. I was a nurse before my addiction ruined it, and the doctor is right - alcohol withdrawals can be very serious, even fatal. Though some people can do it on their own, I do hope that she calls that number about the detoxing if she needs to.
Her body is used to having alcohol in it, it takes time, and she's going to feel pretty bad. However, recovery is entirely do-able.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Her body is used to having alcohol in it, it takes time, and she's going to feel pretty bad. However, recovery is entirely do-able.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you for the updates on you and your mother!
I am happy to hear that she wants to take control of her life and begin recovery. With support from her counselor, and her program she may be successful.
I agree with the doctor. Detox can be deadly. Every cell of her body has become addicted to alcohol. Organs have been damaged due to alcohol. Sudden withdrawal from the source of calories, energy, protein (alcohol) can send the body into severe reaction. Speaking with her addiction counselor and family doctor may help her come up with a safe plan for detox.
I want to caution you against believing that she is done with alcohol. She has almost a month before she enters rehab, and she has just been warned about the dangers of cold turkey withdrawal from alcohol. She may justify continued drinking as "I will stop while I am in rehab" or because she doesn't want to go through withdrawal.
After a scare, a lot of alcoholics quit, but the addiction starts to tell them:
"it won't be like last time"
"I can control the drinking this time"
"I know when to stop"
"I won't drink tomorrow"
They rationalize taking another drink, and then the cycle starts all over again. That's how strong the addiction to alcohol is; there is no rational reason to continue to drink - but they do anyway.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican - and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I am happy to hear that she wants to take control of her life and begin recovery. With support from her counselor, and her program she may be successful.
I agree with the doctor. Detox can be deadly. Every cell of her body has become addicted to alcohol. Organs have been damaged due to alcohol. Sudden withdrawal from the source of calories, energy, protein (alcohol) can send the body into severe reaction. Speaking with her addiction counselor and family doctor may help her come up with a safe plan for detox.
I want to caution you against believing that she is done with alcohol. She has almost a month before she enters rehab, and she has just been warned about the dangers of cold turkey withdrawal from alcohol. She may justify continued drinking as "I will stop while I am in rehab" or because she doesn't want to go through withdrawal.
After a scare, a lot of alcoholics quit, but the addiction starts to tell them:
"it won't be like last time"
"I can control the drinking this time"
"I know when to stop"
"I won't drink tomorrow"
They rationalize taking another drink, and then the cycle starts all over again. That's how strong the addiction to alcohol is; there is no rational reason to continue to drink - but they do anyway.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican - and I am a recovering alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Sober for 5 days
Thanks for all the replies, I just wanted to give you an update on my mother.
She has been SOBER FOR 5 DAYS now. I'm so very proud of her. I told her about this website, she has been lurking around and has found it very helpful although she has not posted anything yet.
She has been doing well with withdrawals. She has the urges, shakes, anxiety but is managing. Im just so happy and proud of her.
ScaredDaughtr
She has been SOBER FOR 5 DAYS now. I'm so very proud of her. I told her about this website, she has been lurking around and has found it very helpful although she has not posted anything yet.
She has been doing well with withdrawals. She has the urges, shakes, anxiety but is managing. Im just so happy and proud of her.
ScaredDaughtr
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Please encourage her to find some support... this website is great but if she could make some meetings and meet other men and women facing the same struggles it can be very helpful.
Counseling can also be very, very helpful especially in early sobriety.
Keep us posted... we care!
Counseling can also be very, very helpful especially in early sobriety.
Keep us posted... we care!
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