ressurectJ

i was at work today and noticed that for some reason my past keeps bubbling up in my mind ..Like i keep thinking about being back at my old job even though i have had a new one now since Dec, its like i cant let go of it mentally .i took a shot in the dark about it maybe being attached to my passed life .Because i was at that old job for bout 7years and i was drinking during that time.
i think for the most part to cope with being there .i hated being there .another thing that keeps coming is my past relationship with and Ex that i was together with for two years .After we split i noticed i was thinking about her constantly .we split in 05 and its like i can't stop reliving that part of my life for some reason .ive been kicking myself lately trying to figure out .exactly why these thoughts and images keep popping up in my head ..it's like i keep reliving certain aspects of that past existance in my head like some how some way there is a chance i could go back and fix things..Its kind of a pain in the ass .Because i've been trying to live by the philosophy of ..Living life a Day at time .Which is something new to me (anyone could help me be more focused day to day i'd be grateful)

i think i could never focus on the present because that part of me that wanted to jump ahead .Was also fiending for that next drink.I constantly get it .in spurts . it Is usually the same thing each time .its weird because sometimes ill often wonder what's going on at my old job with all the people i knew .Even though i hated being there i did it because it was something i needed to do for income .

While i was there i'd be thinking about how i was going to save up so i could quit and go somewhere else but usually would winde up spending alot of money on going out to eat and boozing .(getting paid by-weekly didn't help the situation much either )..anybody else keep reliving the past mentally in their head from time to time ?..is there any better way to deal with this ?

I'd like to stop living in the past so much and just be more in the present as much as a i can..Any pointers on how to be more focused on just living Day to Day??? without the past continuously popping up or the future as well

PS: another recurring thought is just of when i moved out of my house in 07 drove cross country to L.A to be and actor ..which didn't fare well so i wounde up back at home in mass.alot of that keeps propping itself up as well ..just figured i'd add this one in as well .almost forgot to

ODAT63

a friend told me once to live in the present I need to notice things like where I am sitting, standing, if stop at a red light notice it, the trees etc. It does work but you must try hard. Good luck to you.

Wolf_22

ressurectJ, your post reminds me a lot about what I've gone through for the past 4 to 6 years. I won't both you with all the gory details, but one thing I would advise is use your weapons...

You have access to things. You probably have a means of transportation, financial resources, personal tools... You have everything you need in order to "move on" and make yourself into the very person you keep striving to be. Now, obviously, we don't know each other so maybe the assumptions I've made up to this point are false. If they are (i.e. - you don't have transportation, money, etc.), then please forgive me. In any event, you still probably have ways to get outside and go do things. If you feel like you don't have the energy to do anything, then hey, it's okay to take a nap! ;.)

Long story short, it's okay to remember your past as long as you've worked through it to a point that you can allow it to be inside you without fear of it damaging you. To me, it sounds like you're still dealing with some of the pain you experienced. That's okay. It's normal and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it if you are or have been.

My ex-girlfriend left me about 5 or so years ago, right when I began my first career job post graduation in a city where I was forced to move away to from the town she stayed behind in order to finish school. Instead of enjoying life, I later found myself watching her move on in life with other men through her Facebook images...

It's a pain I'm still recovering from to this day and something I often fight internal battles about in my mind. Anyone in my shoes would be in the same situation just like they would be in your situation. That's why it's kind of impossible for anyone to really appreciation the pain some people go through with things like this--people experience things differently.

Anyway, just try to find a way to encapsulate everything into a compartmentalized "lock box" inside your mind. I sometimes find that writing about this kind of stuff helps. Other times, I work-out or jog, go for drives in the country; whatever. Do whatever it takes and sooner or later, you'll find that you're unconsciously moving on. When you come back around to thinking about those bad thoughts, just remember that it's okay, but keep trying to move forward and the more often you rinse and repeat, the sooner you'll be that ideal you're striving for.

Katiekate

Hi there, I read your post and I could relate to what you were saying.

I came off of benzos a couple of years ago, when I was off and recovering I went through quite a period of time where things from the past would bubble up, I was greiving alot, for a very long time, I really was beside myself, I was in counseling at the time and I would go see my counselor and just weep and weep , and tell her I thought I was crazy, or I was never going to be well, all this stuff that is coming up is from the past on and on and on.

I would ask her if this was ever going to go away, was I going to be like this forever. She would just smile at me, and say no, you won't, you were on a drug for a very long time that helped you to cope, or bury, or not feel your feelings, your psyche remembers and is catching up, it needs this time to catch up. Your brain is healing, it will get better. Give yourself some compassion and give youself the room and time it needs to heal and catch up.

It was very healing, I went with it, I let myself feel everything and in very healthy ways let my being express it's feelings. It was very healing, it did go away. It was daunting and scary and hard, but what I know now is that I need to do it.

scrambled2012

Being sober, my short term memory improved. I also started to remember things from many years gone by. The longer i don't drink, the more I remember.

These memories don't make me happy, but they are real. Your post describes many of them well.

I think its the human condition, to feel pain when you are finally old enough to have lived a part of your life, and to think back on it, the things that were not perfect. To learn from the past, we must remember it, not run away from it...and applying what we have learned, means living in and appreciating the fleeting nature of the present...appreciating the coworkers you have now, this moment in time, b/c you have gained the wisdom to know these moments don't last forever.

It is painful. It is the human condition. Only the unwise would say you are alone in this experience.

ainsley1

So is it gone now? How long did it take?

Katiekate

Yes it's gone, it lasted for about 4 months at is worst and then started to subside. I was very sick for several months, the healing was not
linear by any means.

In the end, I am grateful to have had a great counselor and the will to continue to believe that I would heal.

I did. You will too. xo

NYCDoglvr

I remember being like that during the first six months or so of recovery. First of all, it passes. Bringing your mind back to the present isn't too difficult: simply breath slowly through your stomach (not the chest) and you'll feel your focus come back. Stay busy!!