last night
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last night
I can hardly believe what happened last night and still in shock today. AH was drinking as usual and had been all afternoon. He helped the neighbors set up their swingset and we came in and got the kids to bed. I did some dishes and he went to the bathroom and I hear a big crash and go in there and he's picking himself up out of the bathtub. I ask him if he's o.k. and what's wrong with him and he asks me what's wrong with me! Then he starts apologizing that he's not sexually compatible or something and starts going off again about the affair that I had a year ago. And how I can do other guys and not him....it was so scary I left the house for an hour and he was passed out when I got back. I was so tired and exhausted.....well I did have a fling just a couple outings with another guy and I know he's never going to stop thinking about this especially when he's drinking. He's the one who wanted me to stay no matter what and wanted to move on with our relationship but I'm beginning to think I need to get out of here. It's just wrong for me to put up with this anymore....
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He's just pretending like nothing happened .... the kids are home from school now and I'm not even sure if he's drinking but hes outside so I'm sure he is....I cleaned up my room and packed some clothes in a bag ....
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by TCB5568 
... and starts going off again about the affair that I had a year ago.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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Originally Posted by littlemutt
This reminds me a bit of my XABF. Not with an affair specifically, but he was always pointing out the things I did that could bring me off the moral high ground. I never even tried to take the moral high ground, but he made sure that wouldn't happen by reminding me of my college drinking stories, or my lapses in judgement in high school (the fact that he had to reach back to college and high school should really say something), or how I cheated on another ex (not him and not recently.)
Yep, it's all b.s. Exit stage left.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Whether the kids are yours ...legally, biologically ...whatever.....you need to get THEM to safety before you figure out what you are going to do. You have a moral and ethical obligation to them whether they are your children or not...and no matter how old they are. I was a child of an alcoholic and the scariest times for me was when my mom thought I was old enough to "handle" him drunk. I wasn't. I will never be ... and neither will they! Get them OUT!!!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Trust me when I say this TCB....it is NOT going to change. And you're running the risk of at least one of your children developing some sort of issue. Trust me, it WILL happen. If it hasn't already. Don't wait for the day you realize, sitting in the Principals office at your kids school, a place that you've seen so many times it feels like home, that he isn't going to change and it's up to YOU to now heal your kids, yourself, and start over. All over. Do it now, before you add to it.
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Originally Posted by booksanddolls
I would never do that. I have two 3 yo and I will leave them with my AH's brother or a friend, but not at home with him. He's not a abusive drunk but I don't trust him not to neglect them.
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Hugs, TCB. I'm starting to think there's a book out there somewhere with this stuff in it; maybe titled something like: Alcoholic/Abusive Tactics, Tips, and Statements to Drive the Ones Who Love You Crazy. I'm still astounded at how many times similar stuff comes up.
XAH would pull nearly the same thing. Fall or hurt himself while drunk. If I asked if he was OK, the responses I'd get would run the gamut of "Leave me alone!" or a rant about how I deserved so much better, or how he KNEW I was getting it some where else, or that he was sorry that he was so sexually inadequate that I didn't want him, or any combination of the above. If I reassured him in any way shape or form, I was in for a drunken mauling; if I pushed him away because he was drunk - or if I didn't reassure him - I'd get the 'you're a frigid b-tch' rant or the 'you must be cheating' rant or worse.
It sucks. I completely understand you being scared, and you have every right to have been.
If you haven't already, please make a safety plan. Please be safe.
Wishing you continued strength and a hope for safety and serenity.
XAH would pull nearly the same thing. Fall or hurt himself while drunk. If I asked if he was OK, the responses I'd get would run the gamut of "Leave me alone!" or a rant about how I deserved so much better, or how he KNEW I was getting it some where else, or that he was sorry that he was so sexually inadequate that I didn't want him, or any combination of the above. If I reassured him in any way shape or form, I was in for a drunken mauling; if I pushed him away because he was drunk - or if I didn't reassure him - I'd get the 'you're a frigid b-tch' rant or the 'you must be cheating' rant or worse.
It sucks. I completely understand you being scared, and you have every right to have been.
If you haven't already, please make a safety plan. Please be safe.
Wishing you continued strength and a hope for safety and serenity.
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This was at quarter to twelve and the kids were all asleep. I drove around and parked for an hour and came home. I don't normally leave them here in the night ever but just needed to get away from his mouth for right then..one hour just to make sure he was passed out when I came back
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I was trying not to argue and fight with him while he was drunk. I didn't know what else.to.do but go for a drive ...I couldn't even be in the same house with him. Figured if I left, he would calm down and go to bed.My jaw still wont even close completely from wisdom tooth and teeth started chattering uncontrollablly.had to bite my tongue to stop...
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Yep... I've taken much of the same treatment. I'm 32 and still get ridiculed for things I did in college (nothing major - partied a lot, cut class, etc. - nothing the normal college student did not do), how many men I've slept with (and it's not that many), etc. Also, I met AH when I was 26 and graduated college at 22, so clearly anything I did do in college had absolutely nothing to do with him or our relationship. He will use anything he can against me regardless if it has anything to do with him or how far in the past it was... I agree with littlemutt... they will do anything to try to knock you off of your moral ground (what they love to also refer to as "high horse," "perfect," etc). ANY mistake you ever make, you better believe they will use it against you. 
Originally Posted by littlemutt
This reminds me a bit of my XABF. Not with an affair specifically, but he was always pointing out the things I did that could bring me off the moral high ground. I never even tried to take the moral high ground, but he made sure that wouldn't happen by reminding me of my college drinking stories, or my lapses in judgement in high school (the fact that he had to reach back to college and high school should really say something), or how I cheated on another ex (not him and not recently.) Anyway, it was just enough to once in a while question whether I had a leg to stand on when telling him that his drinking was a problem for me. Glad to hear you're not falling for it.
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Originally Posted by mayalewiston
Yep... I've taken much of the same treatment. I'm 32 and still get ridiculed for things I did in college (nothing major - partied a lot, cut class, etc. - nothing the normal college student did not do), how many men I've slept with (and it's not that many), etc. Also, I met AH when I was 26 and graduated college at 22, so clearly anything I did do in college had absolutely nothing to do with him or our relationship. He will use anything he can against me regardless if it has anything to do with him or how far in the past it was... I agree with littlemutt... they will do anything to try to knock you off of your moral ground (what they love to also refer to as "high horse," "perfect," etc). ANY mistake you ever make, you better believe they will use it against you.
"I'm not a cheater and I'm sick of you calling me one! YOU cheated on your husband!"
I always reply: "Yes that was 20 years ago and I haven't cheated on anyone since. You cheated on me dumbo so that makes you a cheater."
He always replies back: "I'm not a cheater. I never cheated on my wife, you cheated on your husband! You're a f***ing cheater! Not me! I don't trust you because you lie and cheat"
Amazing. They will bring up anything.
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Originally Posted by mayalewiston
Yep... I've taken much of the same treatment. I'm 32 and still get ridiculed for things I did in college (nothing major - partied a lot, cut class, etc. - nothing the normal college student did not do), how many men I've slept with (and it's not that many), etc.
And, yes, I agree that abusive men typically try to knock their partners off their 'high horse.' With XAH it alternated with putting me up on a pedestal. From "You're so smart and beautiful." to "Look at you, you're lucky I'm here with you." or "You think you're so smart. You just read to make me feel stupid. I know it." Which just made me so confused, I'd think: He can't really be bad, sometimes he tells me I'm pretty. Sometimes, he's proud that his wife is smart. Sometimes he tells people I'm his wife.
Anything to keep me off-balance and the control in his hands.
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