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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
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hello my name is tony and i am an alcoholic.
im in early recovery,7 months to be exact and my girlfriend found this site and showed it to me. ive had some ups and downs lately and this week im struggling a lot with letting go of the past. ive brought up things about her past and i feel awful ive said theese things.we have been dating a month.i dont know why i can say things i dont mean and i was wondering if anyone has any help
im in early recovery,7 months to be exact and my girlfriend found this site and showed it to me. ive had some ups and downs lately and this week im struggling a lot with letting go of the past. ive brought up things about her past and i feel awful ive said theese things.we have been dating a month.i dont know why i can say things i dont mean and i was wondering if anyone has any help
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR Tony...You've come to the right place for support....Congrats on 7 months....I'm curious if you did that on your own or you working some recovery program?...The reason I ask...Is I am a member in good standing of Alcoholics Anonymous and it is a wonderful program for not only dealing with the alcohol issue...But dealing with the wreckage of your past as well..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
i was in treatment and a memeber of A.A since i was there. my problem was i was bringing up my girlfriends past and she hated me doing it. i feel bad that i even would do such a thing even though i knew i should just let it go,move on and start a new life together.
Thank you for the speedy reply by the way and the warm welcome.
Thank you for the speedy reply by the way and the warm welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
No problem...You don't need to bring up your GF's past...Your's is the one you should be dealing with...It's all in those 12 steps...That's how you do it....Get a sponsor and work them...It'll change the way you think about life.....It sure did for me and many others.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I also had trouble figuring out how to live my life without alcohol and I had some bumps in the road. I found a few books on spirituality that really helped me to learn how to forgive myself and others too, and how to feel compassion for people in my life. There are many methods of recovery and I know you will find support if you look around here. 
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
I've done two things due to alcohol - said things I didn't mean, and avoided saying things I did.
For example, my current wife is the love of my life. But I've said & done things tp her that were unfair & hurtful, due to alcohol combined with the underlying problems that caused my abuse of it in the first place.
In contrast - my ex wife was a worthless, cheating, slothful POS. Alcohol allowed me to endure a situation I never would have subjected myself to otherwise. If I had sobered up earlier, and learned to respect myself, I would have kicked her to the curb in an instant. She wasn't worth my time.
In both cases, alcohol caused or contributed to the problem. But the root of the problem - and the solution - was radically different.
I don't know what your girls past is - but you've only been dating a month. Maybe your sobriety is allowing you to see things for what they really are? Maybe you're realizing that she's not the right person for you? Not saying that's the case, but it's worth some further introspection.
For example, my current wife is the love of my life. But I've said & done things tp her that were unfair & hurtful, due to alcohol combined with the underlying problems that caused my abuse of it in the first place.
In contrast - my ex wife was a worthless, cheating, slothful POS. Alcohol allowed me to endure a situation I never would have subjected myself to otherwise. If I had sobered up earlier, and learned to respect myself, I would have kicked her to the curb in an instant. She wasn't worth my time.
In both cases, alcohol caused or contributed to the problem. But the root of the problem - and the solution - was radically different.
I don't know what your girls past is - but you've only been dating a month. Maybe your sobriety is allowing you to see things for what they really are? Maybe you're realizing that she's not the right person for you? Not saying that's the case, but it's worth some further introspection.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Welcome. I am 4.5 months sober and finding that there are so many raw emotions involved in sobriety. Add the complications of a new relationship to that and there's bound to be even more confusion. If I could encourage you to do just one thing, it's to focus on yourself and your own recovery. If your relationship is meant to be, it will still be later, but right now your number one priority has to be yourself. I understand it's hard to be in relationships while we're still learning who we even are and what we even want. It's a good opportunity to examine the way we are and the way we relate to other people. But on the other hand it can be a distraction and take the focus off ourselves. I am struggling with this same battle and it's hard but all I know is that I have to focus on myself and my own recovery, so I am passing that advice onto you. Best wishes, and congrats on your seven months... keep going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR Tony
I believe the past is what it is, for all of us - we can't change a second.
Maybe you need to focus not on your GF's past but on your feelings about her past?
What does your sponsor say?
D
I believe the past is what it is, for all of us - we can't change a second.
Maybe you need to focus not on your GF's past but on your feelings about her past?
What does your sponsor say?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 5
thank you all for the excellant advice. i have talked about the situation with someone and i believe i have to just focus on myself.its still early stages in my recovery and finding new emotions. part of my problem is that im trying to push the person away by causing her to get angry with me because im afraid of finding happiness. that might sound weird but i can see the problem now.
if its ment to be its ment to be so ill focus on myself and use the steps. ill hand my will over.
Thank you everybody
if its ment to be its ment to be so ill focus on myself and use the steps. ill hand my will over.
Thank you everybody
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Good for you Tony...I think focusing on yourself is a great idea....Because that's where the problem lies....It's not your drinking....It's your thinking....Enjoy your sober journey. Be sure and use this site for support and to keep us up to date on how you're doing.
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