alaina02

My Alcoholic partner was working a great program for a while and our relationship was fantastic. She has been working 7 days a week and 13 hour days and seems to have fallin out of touch with her sponsor. I try to stay out of her "program" because its not my business. Her atitude is changing back to old ways and she is constantly yelling and screaming. I dont want to participate in an unnecessary fight. I try to walk away. Whats the best thing to do in a situation like that?

Cyranoak

You've taught her she gets to speak to you like that by allowing it. Don't allow it. Ever. When my wife starts that **** I tell her, explicitly, you don't get to speak to me that way and I leave IMMEDIATELY with no discussion with her. Since I started that a couple of years ago she very rarely does it. And, when she does, I'm right outa there.

If there's an Alanon meeting soon I'll usually go, but if not I hit my local bar-- the real reason God invented bars is so men have somewhere to go, talk with other men about their crazy wives, and watch sports (and in my case have a beer or two and maybe a burger).

Works every time.

Cyranoak

P.s. Plus, I love the irony of it. There's just something I love about going to a bar to get away from my alcoholic wife.

fourmaggie

are you going to AL ANON? this is will help you

blwninthewind

My spouse is similiar...went all in for awhile..now rarely goes to meetings, hasn't talked to his sponser in a long time...and is a general PITA unless he wants something...and he always wants something (kwim????)...as though sex will save us? I don't get it.

I just won't engage. I say "yes dear" or "whatever you want"...I NEVER express my opinion or share my view ...it's just not worth my time.

choublak

Not so much arguments per se, but pseudo-philosophical discussions that make NO sense whatsoever...I'd shoot him a dubious look, then go somewhere...that way, all they have to talk to is themselves.

Said discussions don't happen anymore.

Diva76

Once upon a time, when I was dealing with a similiar dynamic, someone once shared the following with me...

"Don't enrage, don't engage..."

In my experience, I found that when I did engage with my former partner, the spotlight was now on me and he was no longer accountable...

Ah....what memories....

Hope this helps....

MeredithD1

In an Al-Anon meeting, someone said that when we engage in arguments we know are coming from the alcohol (as opposed to a "regular relationship thing"), we participate in the alcoholic using us to dissipate his/her guilt over drinking.

Another way of looking at is is that an A can start an argument with the partner in order to feel justified in drinking.

When I disengage, I give myself the integrity of NOT attempting to argue with logic when the A will not hear it; I also release the A to look within himself, rather than project upon me.