yo466

Things are going pretty well for me, got a promotion to manager at work, got my own place, have 18 months sober, feeling good about myself. One problem I have been having is with my parents. My dad seems to think that it was better when I was drinking than not. We were sort of "drinking buddies" when I was an active drinker, and I have been hanging out with him less and less, especially since I moved out. I cannot stand being around him anymore, drunk or sober. When he is drunk he is all happy, but he doesn't have a conversation with you he rambles on and on. When he is sober he's a miserable a-hole.

Two examples, they just got back from Florida from vacation so I hadn't seen them in about a month so after work I stopped by. My dad was trashed, going on and on, it's amusing for a while, but it gets old quick. My mom hurt her back and was feeling miserable, so he decides to stay up until 1 AM, be loud as ****, drunk dialing people and so on. Now fast forward to today, it's my day off, I'm in the area, I'll try to stop by and see how they are doing. I walk in and the first thing he says is you got my $200? (i borrowed $200 before they left to cover an oil bill I had) I give him back the money, and I ask what's going on trying to have a conversation and I get basically zip, zero. Not how's work, what you've been up to, etc.

So I decide to try again, I said what I did today, had a busy Sunday played golf, did some errands, talking to this chick, whatever and I get zip, zero. I said OK, well just wanted to drop off the money, I played with the dog for about 5 minutes (which is one of the only reasons I am starting to go over there now and left. And when I left I wanted to smash my fist through my car window. I am so sick of the Jeckyll and Hyde routine and I am pissed that they seem to have no concern as to how my life is going.

They've never once said, it's good you got sober, you look better, whatever, nada, zero. I am not even looking for that really but it's seems like they liked me better when I was a drunk, I don't get it. I don't rub it in my Dad's face that oh, I'm cool sober guy and you drink too much. I have never once said anything to my Dad about his drinking. I wouldn't care if these were just random people in my life, I'm not that sensitive, but these are my parents and the whole thing seems bizarre to me. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and rave.

aasharon90

For me, raised by working middle class parents,
one of 4 kids, 2nd oldest, i could never understand
why I was chosen to be physically, emotionally,
verbally abused at the hand of my sick mom. She,
a high functioning prescription/alcohol user inflicked
harsh pain on me due to her own demons. A Dr.
Jeckle/Mr.Hyde peronality and instant amnesia when
necessary.

A family unit who'd rather deny and turn a head
rather than acknowledge any dysfunction, i always
knew it existed.

When I got into recovery 21 yrs ago, family thought
i was looking for attention. Like, i didnt have a drinking
problem and it was all in my head. Even when i mentioned
abuse. Im the sick one.

I eventually had to divorce myself from my family
due to the unhealthiness of it. To learn to live a new
way of life without poison numbing past issues i was
raised into, I could no longer subject myself to that
unhealthy inviroment.

For me, my recovery, my sobriety mean alot to me
to ever allow anyone, including family to mess with
it. I had to change things in my life in order to become
healthy and to keep going back to a sick inviroment then
that would put my recovery in jeopardy.

After 21 yrs sober, im not willing to destroy a healthy solid
recovery foundation I have built up for myself to live upon.

Whether family will ever understand me, it's not up to me
to find out. I cannot control what they think or say about
me.

Today, it's not about them any longer. My sobriety is.

GirlFromCO

Maybe you expect too much from them. You said you've been sober 18 months - you know what it's like to be there. They can't see much farther than their own bellybuttons right now. It sucks because your parents should always be there for you to encourage you and notice all the hard work you've done... but it doesn't sound like you're going to get that from them.

yo466

Girl-

Yeah, you're right. To tell the truth I really don't expect anything, but it's the roundabout way that's it's presented in that annoys me the most. Just tell me the truth to my face, that's all I ask, good or bad. Thanks for the post.

Dee74

hey yo

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My parents have never given me what I wanted, even before I started drinking - over the years I tried to change, I tried to get them to change...all to no avail.

I finally worked out, after I got into recovery, I may not be perfect but I like who I am and I love my life.

If people don't get that that's their problem and I'm probably best to keep them, if not out of my life entirely, at least at arm's length - that goes for parents and family members as much as it does for anyone else I think