psilyguy

Man I am so sick of this... I have been through so much crap with my last DUI, been on probation, drug and alcohol tested, was the most sober I've been in many years. I can safely say I've cut WAYYY back on where I was, but decided to put this to the test... I bought a breathalyzer and have been using it every day for the last 2 weeks. AND THIS IS FD UP! Once I go below a .15 BAC I can't sleep, I can't eat, vomiting the last few days (which I have tried to seriously cut down alcohol) and tonight going back to the hard alcohol, and now I feel normal... I hate this I Fn hate it. I know it's only me that can make a change, but just did another BAC and it says .18. I thought I could taper this, I thought I could fix this, myself, and I know some of you will say go to the doctor... but I'm stuck with this disease... I've fought cancer, I've been through a divorce, you name it... F this and I love all of you in this situation, not in a sense that I agree with it, but the fact that it is so powerful. All I'm asking is to send good Karma... I love my wife & daughter so much... Today I felt like the biggest piece of S!

Dee74

You're not stuck with this disease, psilyguy.
There is no cure, sure - but you can remove the problem....look around

It's just down to how much you're prepared to do really.
How much do you want to be free of all this, man?

D

sugarbear1

I'm going to say it because you are loved across the internet: Please go see a doctor

This is serious at this point. You will sleep again, and you will sleep well. Continuing this vicious cycle is just another slow suicide...I've been there.

Get some help for you, your wife and your daughter.
Hugs,

awuh1

You can do it but you're going to need some help. The Docs gave me Librium initially and I had a schedule to follow to gradually reduce the amount I was taking. I could not,
and did not, have a drop of alcohol through the whole process. I was at least comfortable. If you see a doc tell um the TRUTH about how much your drinking etc. Get the help.

instant

It took a long time for me to get right once I got the toxin out of my system. It is not easy but it is so worth it. I will pray for you.

NewBeginning010

I had to truly reach a point of being sick & tired of being sick & tired and ready to do whatever it takes to get out of it. It sounds like you are at that point, how about attending an AA meeting or slowly cutting back?

Going to see your doctor & being honest about your drinking might be best right now, maybe even the ER or a detox center.

Keep us updated & take care ~ NB.

MemphisBlues

Man, you gotta get just one thing right: you are like me, powerless over alcohol. The road to sobriety is long and hard, weeks of physical and mental suffering, but once you get a few sober weeks under your belt, you are ready to tackle the why to the drinking.

Please see a doctor. You can't taper, obviously. Look at the consequences around you -- DUI, drug testing, alcohol testing...Ask yourself what type of sanity is it to buy a breathalyzer and gauge what blood-alcohol content you have in order to feel normal.

You sound as crazy as I was. I did far crazier things than blow into my own breathalyzer, believe me.

Once i admitted I was powerless over booze once I drank it, I found a new freedom. Granted, detox wasn't pretty. Mine was deadly. That's why I pray you get some medical attention.

Sapling

I'd say sverything you need to know has already been said here psilyguy....Pretty simple....Talk honestly with your doctor...Go through detox safely...Follow up with some kind of rehab if you think you need it and commit yourself to a recovery program like AA or something and put ypur life into it....Or you can sit around and feel sorry for yourself thinking you're the only one in this world that this has happened to and there is no way out of it...When you have a lot of people here...Just as bad as you are...Get out of that horrific life and start living life the way it was meant to lived.....Take your pick....You say you feel like the biggest piece of S!.....Then do something about it.

Hollyanne

Did you refuse treatment for the cancer because it was uncomfortable?
No, so get your butt to a doctor and get this thing off the ground.
You can do this! Plough through it. Get on your knees, get humble.

Spinach

The way through this is within you. Just start with some help from your Dr. Then use every tool and help in the book. AA AVRT whatever helps . You can get your life back and quite quickly will see how much easier your life is without it.
John.

psilyguy

Thanks all... it's getting worse, as I'm drinking less... again vomiting last night after drinking a glass of milk, could hardly get out of bed this morning. I could be bought for a nickel right now, my wife is over at the neighbors house and I'm embarrased to even go over there. I feel like I've been slugged in the gut with a baseball bat... Yes I cracked a beer and it's eased the pain... I know I should go see a doctor but if you want to read my previous posts I've had bad bad experiences with doctors and pills. Suppose I'm on the downward spiral myself, and alone. My beautiful wife is tired from me being sick all the time.

I have really tried to master this thing called sobriety but it feels like the more I step away, the more it makes me sick. FFFFF

Sapling

Yeah...My beautiful wife got tired of it too...She left. What have done to try and master it so far?

Dee74

That reminds me so much of me - I wouldn't see a Dr because of bad experiences in the past - but still turned to alcohol, in spite of all *those* bad experiences....

I'm not sure how I expected things to change by doing the same things?

My not seeing a Dr left me in a bad way, psily - I really recommend you get some help.

D

Blowfish

It sounds like you need to check yourself into a detox clinic. Don't be embarrassed about it either, I've had to do it and so have many others. Detoxing from alcohol can be fatal. If you can't afford it, then head to the ER - they have to take you. Call 911 if you can't get a ride there. You are really in the fight of your life here and it IS a medical emergency. I wish you all the best

holdfold

Hi Psil,

I was and am very much a 'non Dr or pills' kinda guy ... but ... when the drinking was way out of control I was taken to the ER ... no messing. It is not just the effects you experience with vomiting, shakes, sweats etc ... it is also about what you don't see with blood pressure, setting up for a seizure, etc etc. They have seen this many times and in my experience treat you with dignity and compassion so lessen the first steps of getting the alcohol out of your system and controlling the withdrawls to minimize the danger.
I don't mean to scare you, but for your sake and your family seek help now ... today ...... there is no shame and it really does help to get you started on the right road ... I did it both by myself and with medical help after I relapsed and the later was much more helpful. If for any reason, the staff could explain what to expect and what is 'normal'.
Let us know how you get on.

wicked

I had those symptoms 15 years after I quit drinking, had a colonoscopy and endoscopy
last week. The pain was from a hiatal hernia. Try looking outside the idea of "I will die of pain without alcohol." or "I cannot live without alcohol." cause pretty soon that will be true. Give it up.

You do not want to be sober yet. That is the F----- truth. My truthful opinion.

Beth

keepfinding2

I feel for you psilyguy. Wish you the best. Many of us here can relate to your situation. You probably do have more experience than the rest of us. You've beaten Cancer, a real disease. Now you can beat this fake one. Best of luck to you.

IndaMiricale

I also am one of the ones that drank right away or even as I rolled over to get to sleep. And detoxed at home and in the ICU and ER. As we all do say see a doctor and that is so serious. We lose people due to being stubborn in detox to often.

Do it , you can , if you fought of cancer get working on this. Keep us posted .

Elisabeth888

I hope you can find a way out. I am sure you know there are many options to choose from for your recovery path.

It sounds like you really should seek medical help to detox. There are probably doctors out there that will let you do it outpatient, but if you drink while on those meds, you are playing with your life.

desertsong

I can't add much to what the others have said, but with those symptoms, you really should do a medical detox. Much, much safer and will be more comfortable too. And if you're more comfortable, you won't have the urge to use more alcohol to smooth out the withdrawals. Go to the doctor tomorrow, or to the ER tonight. They will take good care of you.