Bad AA experience
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 10
Bad AA experience
I have been offered a 3 month residential treatment program based on the 12 step program in the UK but I have to attend 'by myself' an AA meeting to get into the acceptance phase.
Tonight I thought was the night. I walked up the street feeling very anxious about my first AA meeting. I got there and the entrance was very intimidating. About 10 people, very unkempt, smoking and making anyone wanting to go in very unwelcome. I turned around and went home.
Are most AA meeting like this? Please let me know what your first thoughts were like. It is important for me.
I feel so deflated because my 3 month rehab depends on this but if this is what happens at a meeting then I would rather not bother.
Tonight I thought was the night. I walked up the street feeling very anxious about my first AA meeting. I got there and the entrance was very intimidating. About 10 people, very unkempt, smoking and making anyone wanting to go in very unwelcome. I turned around and went home.
Are most AA meeting like this? Please let me know what your first thoughts were like. It is important for me.
I feel so deflated because my 3 month rehab depends on this but if this is what happens at a meeting then I would rather not bother.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
There are not! Can you check into another meeting somewhere else?
Maybe it was just a bad day for those people. Everyplace I have ever been the people are welcoming. I don't think it makes any difference where you are in the world.
Maybe it was just a bad day for those people. Everyplace I have ever been the people are welcoming. I don't think it makes any difference where you are in the world.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Find a real AA meeting!
Did you talk to anyone? What did they say to make you uncomfortable? Were they reacting to you? Were you smiling and saying hello? Did you stay for the meeting? If you hadn't stayed for the meeting, how can you make a judgement call on people hanging outside? Were they new, too? Maybe they were just dropped off from a rehab? Might have just been your anxiety level. ? If you haven't spoken to any of them, you don't know what was going on, maybe they had to attend a funeral for one of them today, who knows?
Try a different meeting, or try that one again, as alcoholics, we lead rough lives and when we aren't smiling, we can be a pretty intimidating lot!
Best wishes!
Did you talk to anyone? What did they say to make you uncomfortable? Were they reacting to you? Were you smiling and saying hello? Did you stay for the meeting? If you hadn't stayed for the meeting, how can you make a judgement call on people hanging outside? Were they new, too? Maybe they were just dropped off from a rehab? Might have just been your anxiety level. ? If you haven't spoken to any of them, you don't know what was going on, maybe they had to attend a funeral for one of them today, who knows?
Try a different meeting, or try that one again, as alcoholics, we lead rough lives and when we aren't smiling, we can be a pretty intimidating lot!
Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 282
I really feel for u because that is not normal! Please try again. Yeh maybe a 'better' part of town. My experience people were very welcoming and well presented. I STILL feel nervous tho but I love listening to people stories. All the best 
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Hey UK7, I know a big emphasis is THE FIRST MEETING but hey it is in reality only a bunch of folks that sit and may or may not talk for one hour. You can do it.
Not much will be expected of you. Try not to worry about the magpies outside the meeting hall.
Not much will be expected of you. Try not to worry about the magpies outside the meeting hall.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
What you ran into was probably a bunch of people hanging out and talking amongst friends before the meeting. A lot of people in recovery smoke too, so that's why many of them were outside the entrance. If a 3 month rehab depends on you attending a meeting, I would suggest focusing on what you can accomplish if you go into the meeting and see what it's all about.
AA meetings are the most friendliest places I've ever been too. People will be happy you are there and will definitely be willing to help if you let them know it is your first meeting. Everyone has been in the same place you are, and it does take a lot of courage to go into your first meeting. All I have to say is that I just went for it and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.
AA meetings are the most friendliest places I've ever been too. People will be happy you are there and will definitely be willing to help if you let them know it is your first meeting. Everyone has been in the same place you are, and it does take a lot of courage to go into your first meeting. All I have to say is that I just went for it and it has been one of the best decisions of my life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Try the Secular Forum here in Sober Recovery
Go to the Secular Section of the Forums and find the threads on AVRT and Rational Recovery.
Also do a web search for AVRT and Rational Recovery.
I have been to many great AA groups and many good meetings. They can be intimidating to a newcomer, and some people aren't as friendly as others, but your recovery is YOUR recovery, and AA itself states YOU have just as much a right to be at a meeting as any other AA participant, no matter how long they have been going, or how new you are.
AND, please check out the alternative to AA based recovery, AVRT. It may be a better fit for you.
Also do a web search for AVRT and Rational Recovery.
I have been to many great AA groups and many good meetings. They can be intimidating to a newcomer, and some people aren't as friendly as others, but your recovery is YOUR recovery, and AA itself states YOU have just as much a right to be at a meeting as any other AA participant, no matter how long they have been going, or how new you are.
AND, please check out the alternative to AA based recovery, AVRT. It may be a better fit for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
can only echo what has been said- if scruffy lookin folk were not the types you drank with, then you might also try a different time of day - around here the noon meetings attract plenty of professionals ....
me, being a bottom feeder, felt most comfortable in the beginning with others of my ilk, so i get it when you are looking for a 'comfort level' . later on though, i saw that wisdom came wrapped in the most unexpected packages...
me, being a bottom feeder, felt most comfortable in the beginning with others of my ilk, so i get it when you are looking for a 'comfort level' . later on though, i saw that wisdom came wrapped in the most unexpected packages...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Windsor Ontario
Posts: 2
Bad Meeting
Hey man, AA is like anything else in the world...and nothing is perfect.
I have complained before about people smoking directly outside the entrance to a meeting in a big group, it feels intimidating to newcomers. But all meetings are different, you will find one that is right for you. In fact you will find many, you just have to go back. Try a daytime meeting if your program allows it, you will meet lots of longtimers and they can give you advice on other good meetings, contacts and help you find a sponsor.
I have complained before about people smoking directly outside the entrance to a meeting in a big group, it feels intimidating to newcomers. But all meetings are different, you will find one that is right for you. In fact you will find many, you just have to go back. Try a daytime meeting if your program allows it, you will meet lots of longtimers and they can give you advice on other good meetings, contacts and help you find a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
I have to say I understand. I never found the kind of welcoming AA meetings people talk about here. And often I was the only one there without a tattoo or piercing.
However, I learned a lot at meetings. So even though it is not a method of recovery I want to go back to, I do not feel like I wasted my time in the years I was part of it. Listen to what people say. Some you will admire. Some you will despise. But there is nothing you will be obligated to do but listen. You do not need to become friends with these people. You do not need to do anything other than listen in a meeting.
It may help you. It may not. But meetings are only one-hour long. You can stand it--and it may help you.
However, I learned a lot at meetings. So even though it is not a method of recovery I want to go back to, I do not feel like I wasted my time in the years I was part of it. Listen to what people say. Some you will admire. Some you will despise. But there is nothing you will be obligated to do but listen. You do not need to become friends with these people. You do not need to do anything other than listen in a meeting.
It may help you. It may not. But meetings are only one-hour long. You can stand it--and it may help you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I don't care what kind of a gathering it is, I hate the door-smokers. Passing through that, you pick up the smell and it's bad. Plus it makes me want to start smoking again.
A different building structure will put the smokers in a different location, so just go shopping. And if you want, bring a friend with you. Just make sure it's an 'open' meeting, which means anyone can attend.
Best wishes to you and I think you'll enjoy the meeting itself, if you can get in the door.
A different building structure will put the smokers in a different location, so just go shopping. And if you want, bring a friend with you. Just make sure it's an 'open' meeting, which means anyone can attend.
Best wishes to you and I think you'll enjoy the meeting itself, if you can get in the door.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by UK7 
About 10 people, very unkempt, smoking and making anyone wanting to go in very unwelcome.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Brighton, UK
Posts: 164
"I have been offered a 3 month residential treatment program based on the 12 step program in the UK but I have to attend 'by myself' an AA meeting to get into the acceptance phase."
you've had a godsend there mate! get back to tha meetings, think you'll find that feeling of thinking your unwelcome is all in your head , you probably just need some initial moral support n back up to get the ball rolling, where abouts are ya? i'll take ya to a meeting myself and introduce ya around, theres nowt to be anxious or feared up about mate, you'll be made to feel very welcomed i assure you
pm me
johnny
you've had a godsend there mate! get back to tha meetings, think you'll find that feeling of thinking your unwelcome is all in your head , you probably just need some initial moral support n back up to get the ball rolling, where abouts are ya? i'll take ya to a meeting myself and introduce ya around, theres nowt to be anxious or feared up about mate, you'll be made to feel very welcomed i assure you
pm me
johnny
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
You haven't even been to a meeting right? You didn't like the looks of the folks outside and you went home right?
If so, you have yet to have an AA experience and as such cannot judge it to be good or bad.
Go to a meeting. Even if you feel uncomfortable. I don't know too many people who were overjoyed at the prospect of their first meeting. If you find after a few meetings you still don't like it you don't have to go, but you owe it to yourself to try, don't you think?
If so, you have yet to have an AA experience and as such cannot judge it to be good or bad.
Go to a meeting. Even if you feel uncomfortable. I don't know too many people who were overjoyed at the prospect of their first meeting. If you find after a few meetings you still don't like it you don't have to go, but you owe it to yourself to try, don't you think?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Originally Posted by Sapling
I saw this a lot...Everytime I walked into a bar...Find a different meeting...There should be one somewhere that you will like....By the way...It wasn't the meeting you didn't like...It was the entrance.
I agree with the rest of the posters. Find another meeting.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I'd walk to that same meeting again. We try not to have contempt prior to investigation. Then I'd join the Group Conscience and change where people are hanging out to smoke....being proactive for the next suffering alcoholic who might leave to go back home to drink......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 143
Force yourself to go! Either that one or another one. Your rehab depends on it. Just do it. Just that one, today. You CAN do it!
Post back after you return home after the meeting. i want to hear how it went.
PJ
Post back after you return home after the meeting. i want to hear how it went.
PJ
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
UK7,make a call to the AA helpline,you will be put in contact with someone in your area of the same sex,they will speak with you and either come out to see you or if you are not comfortable with that meet you outside the meeting.If you want to PM me I have all the UK helpline numbers and what time the lines are manned. I do a lot of phone service,you may even be in my area,certainly the meetings I attend always have smokers outside.
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