Please help...
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Please help... Hi all!
I am a 22 y.o prescription drug addict. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and my dad actually just got off hospice for cirrhosis and hepatorenal syndrome.
My mother provides me with most of my drugs (I use opiates more than other types.)
I was sober for 2 days and I relapsed today. I have a bf who loves me very much, and my mom is just extremely codependent.
I suffer from bipolar disorder and am on seroquel for that.
I really want to quit the drugs. I'm starting to feel very trapped in this. I can't seem to detox myself, as the withdrawals become hellish. It's the mental stuff (worst anxiety ever and an overwhelming sense of dread, and cravings) that I cant get through. The drugs make me an abusive b*tch to everyone I love and I am already suffering health issues from the drug use... I do not want to do maintenance therapy. I would like to get into some kind of rehab or counseling, but I have no income and too many assets to get government help. I am out of ideas, but I feel like I'm running out of time.
Also, I am not a very religious/spiritual person so I can't seem to do 12 step program stuff.
I am a 22 y.o prescription drug addict. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and my dad actually just got off hospice for cirrhosis and hepatorenal syndrome.
My mother provides me with most of my drugs (I use opiates more than other types.)
I was sober for 2 days and I relapsed today. I have a bf who loves me very much, and my mom is just extremely codependent.
I suffer from bipolar disorder and am on seroquel for that.
I really want to quit the drugs. I'm starting to feel very trapped in this. I can't seem to detox myself, as the withdrawals become hellish. It's the mental stuff (worst anxiety ever and an overwhelming sense of dread, and cravings) that I cant get through. The drugs make me an abusive b*tch to everyone I love and I am already suffering health issues from the drug use... I do not want to do maintenance therapy. I would like to get into some kind of rehab or counseling, but I have no income and too many assets to get government help. I am out of ideas, but I feel like I'm running out of time.
Also, I am not a very religious/spiritual person so I can't seem to do 12 step program stuff.
Last edited by WarriorQueen; 03-24-2012 at 12:22 PM. Reason: Forgot...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((WarriorQueen))) - Welcome to SR! Though I did my share of abusing the heck out of opiates, I never had withdrawals and eventually ended up addicted to crack. I know there are a LOT of people here who are recovering opiate addicts, many threads on the substance abuse forum.
When I first came here, I read a ton of threads. I'm sure others will be along soon to offer there ES&H (experience, strength and hope) but you are definitely not alone. SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
When I first came here, I read a ton of threads. I'm sure others will be along soon to offer there ES&H (experience, strength and hope) but you are definitely not alone. SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I dont know where you are but in Cleveland we have rehabs and it does not matter if you can pay or not. Including whatever assets you have. They are there just really have to look.
I am not religous either but I didnt know if I could work 12 steps or not till I tried it. And guess what I can take all the good of it I want and leave anything else. But I cant imagine doing this without the fellowship now.
Best wishes and keep us posted.
I am not religous either but I didnt know if I could work 12 steps or not till I tried it. And guess what I can take all the good of it I want and leave anything else. But I cant imagine doing this without the fellowship now.
Best wishes and keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Also, I am not a very religious/spiritual person so I can't seem to do 12 step program stuff.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by WarriorQueen 
Also, I am not a very religious/spiritual person so I can't seem to do 12 step program stuff.
Do you like being the WarriorQueen??... how's it working.
I surrendered and began to recover.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
I live pretty close to Athens, GA. I'm not even sure where to try to find what I am looking for. As my parents are addicts and in denial, and i know that my bf cares, but neither my parents or he really see/understand what I'm dealing with, and none of my old friends will talk to me now as I actively pushed them all out of my life and they don't care. I am afraid to go into an inpatient rehab or at least into a healthier environment because I am afraid of what may happen at home while I am away.
I am truely grateful that places like this exist on the internet.
You guys are great. I have been reading the forums here for a long time.
I am truely grateful that places like this exist on the internet.
You guys are great. I have been reading the forums here for a long time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sweetie, you can't control what happens with your mom and dad. I turned to drugs because I was so wrapped up in other people's stuff (mainly a bf at the time). I had no clue that it was okay to take care of me! I've been working on that along with my addiction recovery for 5 years.
In those 5 years? I've seen babies born, many, many loved ones die, and some major dysfunction in my own home but I can't fix all that. The best I can do is work MY recovery, reach out when I'm struggling, give back when I can. Doesn't mean I don't LOVE my family, it just means I have to stay out of their stuff. A good friend of mine from here has often reminded me "if you weren't there, the same stuff would be going on" and she's right.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
In those 5 years? I've seen babies born, many, many loved ones die, and some major dysfunction in my own home but I can't fix all that. The best I can do is work MY recovery, reach out when I'm struggling, give back when I can. Doesn't mean I don't LOVE my family, it just means I have to stay out of their stuff. A good friend of mine from here has often reminded me "if you weren't there, the same stuff would be going on" and she's right.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,745
Have you considered seeing an addiction counselor? I see mine once a week and she's a tremendous help. My counselor encourages my sobriety, not a particular program. She's in my corner no matter what I do to stay sober.
My counselor encourages my sobriety, not a particular program. She's in my corner no matter what I do to stay sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Hi and welcome WarriorQueen
You'll find a lot of suggestions and advice here - and there's so good stuff here already.
I hope you'll find something you can work with - I really think if we want change we need to make changes, y'know?
good to have you with us
D
You'll find a lot of suggestions and advice here - and there's so good stuff here already.
I hope you'll find something you can work with - I really think if we want change we need to make changes, y'know?
good to have you with us
D
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Thank you all so much!
Impurrfect- 5 years? That's amazing! Great job!
I've been an addict since I was 15, and with the exception of a few weeks here and there and the 5 months that I stayed sober around 3 years ago, I have been in active addiction since then. I want to turn this around before I do more damage to myself and the ones around me. One day using out of 3 is better than 3 days using, so I'm going to start over tomorrow. It's time for this to end.
And I know that whatever will happen is going to happen whether or not I'm there. They made their own choices. But I can't shake the feeling that I could prevent something from happening. I've always felt like the adult at home, even as a small child. I feel immense guilt if I'm not there. But I also know that staying there just keeps me sick.
least- Yes, I have considered an addiction counselor. That would be awesome. The only issue is finding the money to go. I don't really know if there is any assistance that I can get because of my assets. When my dad was on hospice, my name was put on our properties and vehicles. But due to the stress I've been under, I lost my last job when I had a breakdown and I don't feel that I am stable enough to work so I have no income.
Dee74- Yes, if we want to change we do have to make changes. If I want to get better, I have to do the work. I know it wont be easy but it's necessary now.
I know I will never be able to touch pills/opiates again, and I know that it's something I will always have to be upfront with people about to keep myself accountable. I'm fine with that. But I'm also afraid. I'm sure you all get why. Sobriety is a world unknown... but I think I'm ready.
Impurrfect- 5 years? That's amazing! Great job!
I've been an addict since I was 15, and with the exception of a few weeks here and there and the 5 months that I stayed sober around 3 years ago, I have been in active addiction since then. I want to turn this around before I do more damage to myself and the ones around me. One day using out of 3 is better than 3 days using, so I'm going to start over tomorrow. It's time for this to end.
And I know that whatever will happen is going to happen whether or not I'm there. They made their own choices. But I can't shake the feeling that I could prevent something from happening. I've always felt like the adult at home, even as a small child. I feel immense guilt if I'm not there. But I also know that staying there just keeps me sick.
least- Yes, I have considered an addiction counselor. That would be awesome. The only issue is finding the money to go. I don't really know if there is any assistance that I can get because of my assets. When my dad was on hospice, my name was put on our properties and vehicles. But due to the stress I've been under, I lost my last job when I had a breakdown and I don't feel that I am stable enough to work so I have no income.
Dee74- Yes, if we want to change we do have to make changes. If I want to get better, I have to do the work. I know it wont be easy but it's necessary now.
I know I will never be able to touch pills/opiates again, and I know that it's something I will always have to be upfront with people about to keep myself accountable. I'm fine with that. But I'm also afraid. I'm sure you all get why. Sobriety is a world unknown... but I think I'm ready.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I was terrified of what would happen to me *if* I were to someday stop drinking. I imagined a great dark pit, cold and dark and bottomless. A silent scream would form in my mind whenever I thought about it.
The short story is that I quit drinking and learned that the fear of sobriety was due to the booze. The anxiety was due to the booze. Ditto for depression, guilt, shame, insomnia, blackouts, apathy, nausea, and a huge loss of self respect. How did I learn this? I put that bottle down.
That pit that I imagined has been replaced with a full life. It is painful at times, but there is joy and light and love too, and they are there in abundance. You can have that too, WarriorQueen. I think you deserve it. How about you?
The short story is that I quit drinking and learned that the fear of sobriety was due to the booze. The anxiety was due to the booze. Ditto for depression, guilt, shame, insomnia, blackouts, apathy, nausea, and a huge loss of self respect. How did I learn this? I put that bottle down.
That pit that I imagined has been replaced with a full life. It is painful at times, but there is joy and light and love too, and they are there in abundance. You can have that too, WarriorQueen. I think you deserve it. How about you?
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
So you are saying you would prefer to continue downhill rather than try to change?
Do you like being the WarriorQueen??... how's it working.
I surrendered and began to recover.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Do you like being the WarriorQueen??... how's it working.
I surrendered and began to recover.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
I know the 12 Step program places a very high importance on "higher powers". I would do the 12 step program with no trouble but I get stuck on step 2 and 3...
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,860
Hi WarriorQueen, welcome to the forums of SoberRecovery
After carefully reading your first post (quoted below) on this thread I see you do indeed want to be recovered from your drug problem.
You are correct, 12 step programs are faith based and if that is not for you...NO PROBLEM. You can recover from your drug problem without G*d or HP's. In fact you can be religious or not, spiritual or not and still practice a recovery program where you will live a healthy life drug free.
Being here at SR can be a recovery program in of its self. There are members here that have done such. Posting regularly, using some of the forums like the Newcomer's Daily Support Threads - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information can help. Support other members in their efforts of recovery, helps them as it can help you in your quest to be clean of drugs.
Aside from 12 step recovery there are other options. have a look at the links below and see if anything there may be of help to you. Hope to see you around here at SR more.
SOS Recovery' and 'LifeRing Recovery
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools from cbtrecovery.com
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety. (from dbtselfhelp.com/index.html)
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (Google book preview including the Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
So you are saying you would prefer to continue downhill rather than try to change?
Do you like being the WarriorQueen??... how's it working.
I surrendered and began to recover.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Do you like being the WarriorQueen??... how's it working.
I surrendered and began to recover.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Originally Posted by WarriorQueen
Bob, thank you for taking the time to read my post and to reply.
I know the 12 Step program places a very high importance on "higher powers". I would do the 12 step program with no trouble but I get stuck on step 2 and 3...
I know the 12 Step program places a very high importance on "higher powers". I would do the 12 step program with no trouble but I get stuck on step 2 and 3...
Originally Posted by WQ
I would like to get into some kind of rehab or counseling,...
Being here at SR can be a recovery program in of its self. There are members here that have done such. Posting regularly, using some of the forums like the Newcomer's Daily Support Threads - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information and The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information can help. Support other members in their efforts of recovery, helps them as it can help you in your quest to be clean of drugs.
Aside from 12 step recovery there are other options. have a look at the links below and see if anything there may be of help to you. Hope to see you around here at SR more
.SOS Recovery' and 'LifeRing Recovery
SMART Tools and SMART Articles
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Addiction Recovery Tools from cbtrecovery.com
DBT Life Skills For Emotional Health Great tools for maintaining sobriety. (from dbtselfhelp.com/index.html)
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction. By Jack Trimpey. (Google book preview including the Addiction Voice Recognition Technique or the AVRT)
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Thank you all for your replies. :ghug3
Zencat- Thank you for your reply! There is a lot of good info there. =)
In my last post I said that i was going to start over...but I never did.
In the next couple of days I will be going out of town for 2 or so weeks with my boyfriend where I will have no access to the drugs... Is there any kind of program that I can do online and not have to pay for the books or a way I can get them for low cost? (I'm completely broke...)
Zencat- Thank you for your reply! There is a lot of good info there. =)
In my last post I said that i was going to start over...but I never did.
In the next couple of days I will be going out of town for 2 or so weeks with my boyfriend where I will have no access to the drugs... Is there any kind of program that I can do online and not have to pay for the books or a way I can get them for low cost? (I'm completely broke...)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
I dunno about anyone else WQ but I stopped without any books or financial outlay - just SR.
I *really* wanted to leave my old way of life behind and to be sober.
Don't be waiting to start recovery. Start it. There's a lot to read here and elsewhere on the WWW too - use Google - there's a lot of online meetings around too, for all schools of thought
I think all of us need a commitment to stop and a commitment to change...whatever programme you use falls in line behind that commitment, and the desire to be sober, IMO.
D
I *really* wanted to leave my old way of life behind and to be sober.
Don't be waiting to start recovery. Start it. There's a lot to read here and elsewhere on the WWW too - use Google - there's a lot of online meetings around too, for all schools of thought
I think all of us need a commitment to stop and a commitment to change...whatever programme you use falls in line behind that commitment, and the desire to be sober, IMO.
D
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by WarriorQueen
I would like to get into some kind of rehab or counseling, but I have no income and too many assets to get government help. I am out of ideas, but I feel like I'm running out of time.
Is a car / house / boat more important than your survival and future happiness?
Just an idea. Not sure if this is a viable option. But looking back, if I could have turned my life around for the price of everything I owned when I was younger, I would have jumped at the opportunity in a heartbeat. The path I chose just led me to the same end (no assets), but I was still a drunk
Lady Blaze
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 85
Dee- That sounds like what I'll have to do...
GrowingDaily - No, I really have no rights to the properties since my mom and dad are listed on them... So they are really just road blocks
At the moment I am 2 hours away from home and am going on day 3 sober... the wds start soon =(
GrowingDaily - No, I really have no rights to the properties since my mom and dad are listed on them... So they are really just road blocks
At the moment I am 2 hours away from home and am going on day 3 sober... the wds start soon =(
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
WarriorQueen, welcome to SR. You found the right place to be. Yesterday 1 year 10 months no booze. Today 7 months no crack. If I can do it anybody can. Gets easier as the days go by. Good luck, prayin for ya.
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