December2011

There is a lot of post about whether or not a spouse should leave a drug addicted parent. I know that just like we cannot prevent a person from doing drugs we cannot prevent someone from exposing their kids to a drug addicted abusive parent. My question is, does the state ever get involved and force the non-addicted parent to leave the addict partner or loose custody?

When I was a kid there were many times the neighbors called the cops because of the noise at our home e.g., us getting abused, but they never did anything about it. I know back then times were probably different.-just wondering.

Taking5

The state can definitely take custody, I've never heard of any cases where the state said "leave or we'll take the kids".

Windmills

I'm in the UK and social services made me sign a contract which basically said if he relapses, I had to leave or they would look into removing our daughter. There was more to the picture than solely addiction though. Unfortunately they didn't really do much to keep a check on the situation and had I not asked for their help in leaving I would probably still be under the radar.

Thlayli

The state could probably do it but there would have to be pretty solid evidence that the child was in immenent danger. That's not always easy to get.

laurie6781

Since you live in FL, I do believe the DHS will take it very seriously if you make an 'anonymous' call for help for the children.

And the state if very serious about it. If they take the children away, the non A parent will have to go through hoops and hoops to get them back.

If you believe the children are in danger, and let's face it, any child(ren) with a practicing A in the home is in danger, if it were me I would make the call. And yes I have made the call, both here in NM and in FL. When a drunken neighbor would start berating his wife and children in a drunken rage every night starting about 6pm. I taped his RANTS from my house next door, and presented copies of the tapes to DHS.

DHS went and talked to them, gave him 24 hours to move out, asked me to keep taping, in case he came back. DHS went to court and got an RO against him, since the wife was reluctant. I will say that once he was 'out of the house' she did go ahead and file for and get a divorce. This was fairly recent, August of 2010 and her divorce was granted late last year, and since she first filed, his visitation has been 'supervised' (order of the Family Court Judge), also that he has to pay for the supervision, and has to call the 'supervisor' 72 hours in advance about proposed visitation. He has not made any attempt in almost 1 1/2 years now to see either of his children.

You don't need a tape. Just call and say "on such and such date at early evening I saw so and so as high as could be, in front of his/her children, also on and give the dates if you can. Explain that he/she gets 'high' at home in front of the child(ren), the child(ren) hear the fights, and that this certainly cannot be good for the child(ren). You have the option to make is an anonymous report or not.

Hope that helps a bit.

Love and hugs,

December2011

Thanks guys, I guess it is better safe then sorry. Wow Laurie, you really did a good thing. I wish a would have had you as a neighbor when I was a kid Makes me wonder if that mom ever would have got away on her own.

I think there is that stigma about minding your own business here in the USA. I wonder what it is like in the UK, Windmills? I mean attitude wise.

My sister has lived in Germany for a long time, and she says that a big difference there is that people are expected to report their neighbors, and have no problem with it. There is no taboo like we have in the USA about minding our own business to the nth degree.

I am not saying be the neighbor to call the landlord and or cops about every little thing, I hate that, but children should be protected. Not to be cliché, but the children are the future.

TY guys and Cynical , I read the whole doc you sent. Thanks

bluebelle

Yeah, good job, Laurie. I also wish that other people would get involved when it involves abuse/neglects, etc. When I was a kid, I know that the neighbors would hear what was happening, but nobody ever reported it to the police. I think there was an idea that people should stay out of other people's business or something. I also wish that the neighbors had reported what was happening in my home. I think things are better now in terms of education about abuse--I hope.

KuanYin

Same here, December and blue, I wish neighbors would have called someone or done something when I was growing up, too.

On the DCF calls, I have made two. Once was regarding a situation in which I gave them my name and contact info. The other time, I felt that for my own safety, it needed to be anynomous. Word of Caution: In this state, even if you *67 your phone, DCF can still see your number, and in the case where I politely declined to give my name and contact info, and explained why, the next day after I'd placed the anomyous call, I had a DCF Investigator call my number (that I'd blocked), and demand that I tell her more information, accuse me of a felony for making a "false report", etc. It was horrific. I spent several days working up the guts to make that call and then to have that happen??? If I ever have to call DCF again it will be from a pay phone.