Clors

It's after midnight and I don't know how to go to bed. I am so used to falling asleep on my chair numb. 12 years of drinking myself to sleep. I rarely remembered what time I fell asleep.
Now I have to make a conscious effort of actually going to bed to sleep.
This feels so unnatural. The last 4 nights were easy enough as I felt exhausted somehow.
Tonight is difficult. I don't want to take a pill to go to sleep. It may lead me to drink tomorrow.
and
yet I am struggling right now thinking there is still a bottle of wine here somewhere, I know it because I usually have a back up in case I went dry.

Maybe just one good drink.
Maybe not.
This too shall pass. I will just keep reading until one of my options show up.
Maybe I will get tired.

thelastdrop

I feel your pain. Things I like to do are laying in bed with a book or watching a movie on my laptop while laying down.

I know this is cliche but drinking a glass a milk does the trick for me too. It's tough making the transition but you'll adjust in time.

EDIT: maybe you can consult a physician about taking Mealtonin? It's worth a shot to restore your circadian rhythm.

sugarbear1

I listen to a speaker tape on my mp3. It stopped the noise in my head. Even if I just lay still for a long while, it seemed to help me.

desertsong

Clors, I'm struggling with insomnia too. I take hot baths, drink chamomile tea, read, and listen to calming music to get ready for bed. Doesn't always work though ... so I have just learned not to fight it. If it means that I have to stay up until 2-3 am until I'm good and tired, that's fine ... I'd rather fall in bed dead tired and sleep well for a couple of hours than go to bed at a normal time and toss and turn all night.

A drink isn't the solution but you already know that. Our bodies have been so used to having "help" getting to sleep that it takes time to readjust and learn how to sleep normally again. It's tough but it will pass. My sleep patterns are finally starting to even out again, although I do still have 2-3 nights a week (like tonight) where I struggle to get tired. Hang in there.

Clors

Thanks thelastdrop,
I think I just read to drink beer in this article and then I left the page in panic
Now I am juggling in my mind if I really saw it. Maybe I am getting tired.
I will look at it again tomorrow maybe.

Clors

Sugarbear and Desertsong , thank you also for the input. It feels real good getting replies and not feeling alone.

thelastdrop

Hey clors, my apologies I should've read that article more closely...

I had only jumped to the paragraph about melatonin. You're not crazy..that was my fault. My suggestion about melatonin might be worth looking into still. Or as others have said drinking tea.

Best

desertsong

Good night, Clors. Hope you get a good rest tonight. And if you can't sleep, well, come on back to SR. Chances are I'll be up for awhile. lol

dawnrunner

This might sound bizarre, but I keep a book about the ancient Roman army beside my bed. Whenever I need to sleep and can't, a few pages of Roman military history will do the trick. Their organization, their weapons, their marches, their rank orders, their inventories of supplies....they are the most sleep-inducing bunch of soldiers. They march me right off to dreamland. Ave atque vale.

freshstart57

OK, Dawnrunner, that really does sound a little unusual. I'm jus' saying.

Clors, there are natural approaches to chasing sleep. You might do some research on melatonin and decide if it is right for you. It certainly helped me in my earliest days of sobriety. But that is a short term solution. My experience was to try to eliminate my immediate sources of anxiety, and I quickly decided that I needed to get rid of all the alcohol in my house. Even the empties went.

Now, when I have difficulty falling asleep, which is very very rarely these days now that I am sober, I focus as much of my attention as I can on my breathing, by identifying the immediate sensations of intake and exhale. My nose feels warm and cool air alternately, my chest rises and falls, my diaphragm drops and relaxes, my ears can hear the rhythm of the air as it moves in and out. My concentration gets interrupted by 'the committee' sometimes, but I gently return my mind back to my breathing.

I think I could use a nice nap right about now.

Anna

It will feel more natural to have a bedtime routine before long. Try to follow the same plan each night, and though it's hard, try to not worry about it.

2granddaughters

Clors, you are going to have to decide whether you want to get better or get worse. We can sit on the fence for only so long.

If you had one of the girls from your AA past call you and say that she was really struggling (if she told you YOUR story), what would you advise her to do? .....
Now, take your own advice.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

IndaMiricale

It is frustrating I always had terrible insomia when quitting. I also always took lots of hot showers , read , come here and just wait till I finally would fall asleep.

It will change for ya it just takes time.

Here's to going to bed and waking up , sure beats passing out and coming to.

Clors

Thank you all for the inputs. The great news is I woke up sober this morning and wow did it feel wonderful? yes it did.
I don't know why I felt so proud because I really needed all of you to fight that urge to get my emergency kit out.
This is so true that recovery starts when one alcoholic talks to another alcoholic...thank you for that.
I know I should get rid of every drop or reminder of a drop out of here.
I am so afraid of detaching from it in case I really need it one night and I do something worse then getting that last bottle out.
I have found myself in dangerous places before just to get what I needed. So that really scares me.
It's like having money for a rainy day.
I also know I have to get in contact with an AA member and get it going and you are right I would bring and old friend to a meeting myself if I got a call of someone on the verge of relapse or in distress over alcohol.
It seems easier to help someone else then help yourself.
Last night I got my empty wine glass ready just in case but then I filled it with juice and finally went to bed sober and woke up sober.
Thank you to all.
This is hard.

sissy07

Another vote for melatonin....knocks me out. Also benedryl works. The most effective thing that I have found to combat insomnia is exercise - not just before sleep, but in the morning (especially if you have to walk up early to do it) or exercise through the day.
Best of luck, but this is common among alcoholics in early sobriety. Take care.

2granddaughters

It's easier at the meetings ....... good to hear from you !

Bob R

Clors

I understand the votes for melatonin and what not but I am fed up of prescriptions and pills and the only pills I want to take right now is my milk thistle, flax seeds, raisin seeds, and cranberry pills.
I have seroquel and ativan and trazodone and gabapentin and all of those I refuse to take anymore.
So this battle is double hard on me.
I have been on and off my meds because it was simpler to drink and I preferred the feeling.
I now believe that my depression was caused entirely by my drinking and that is what I am trying to find out.
I have made a drastic change in my diet as I eliminated dairies and wheats and sugars and xtra salt altogether and no junk at all.
My liver is what made me quit this time. Just a few days in and I have lost a few inches off that fatty liver and a few pounds too.
My patience is low and I am starting to pull my hair.
I am very edgy and only slept a few hours and I feel exhausted again.
I walk 4 times a day as I have a dog who needs to walk so I drag myself out.
I feel confused and foggy but I feel great to be sober just for today because I know the difference as I remember how great my life was when I was sober and a grateful alcoholic.
I am trying very hard to fight this battle as I am not ready to die.
Thank you for all the input as I really need all the support I can get. I do not have a single friend left due to my drinking.
I know that I need to get to AA or I will drink again and maybe today as I feel overwhelmed with my feelings right now.
I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. Being sober brings a lot of nightmares to the surface.
I am sorry if this post sounds insane I know it is.

2granddaughters

It doesn't sound insane, just sounds like an alcoholic sharing our natural thoughts/feelings.
Only a normal person would think it was insane... makes perfect sense to me.

I was a Valium (15 yrs) user along with my booze (30 yrs). Missed the V more than the beer in the beginning.

You'll be back "on the beam" in no time once you make that AA call.

Bob

artsoul

It really is scary at first, but remember you only have to deal with today. Pick something today to look forward to: a nice meal, a warm bath, a new book, or just camping out with us! Pamper yourself, collect some positive quotes......

It's like playing a new instrument: it gets better with practice. You have to keep reminding yourself that you'll be able to play a beautiful song if you keep at it. Each day sober, each craving we get through, adds to our strength and sanity. I honestly never thought I'd stop thinking about (or wanting) a drink - I had to go on faith and what others said (that it would get better), and I'm so glad today that I did.

Don't buy into the fear, OK? (A great little ditty: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real).

artsoul

It really is scary at first, but remember you only have to deal with today. Pick something today to look forward to: a nice meal, a warm bath, a new book, or just camping out with us! Pamper yourself, collect some positive quotes......

It's like playing a new instrument: it gets better with practice. You have to keep reminding yourself that you'll be able to play a beautiful song if you keep at it. Each day sober, each craving we get through, adds to our strength and sanity. I honestly never thought I'd stop thinking about (or wanting) a drink - I had to go on faith and what others said (that it would get better), and I'm so glad today that I did.

Don't buy into the fear, OK? (A great little ditty: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real).