Sober wife, no love life.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East
Posts: 27
Sober wife, no love life.
Is anyone experiencing a similar issue?
My wife has been sober for close to 120 days, and believe me it's a blessing. The problem is our sex life (or lack of one) She really wants nothing to do with me, even though I've been very supportive through all of her ups/downs.
I did have her removed from the house a while ago, had a protective order for the kids sake. It needed to happen, and she says she would have done the same if the tables were turned.
I just don't understand why she can't even show me the smallest amount of affection. Now we are sleeping in separate rooms, never talk etc. Not sure if this bothers her at all, I'm guessing she likes it this way.
I have no clue what's going on, as she never freely gives up information. So can someone give me a bit of insight? We didn't have the greatest sex life when she was drunk either.
Could it be possible she's holding resentment towards me?
My wife has been sober for close to 120 days, and believe me it's a blessing. The problem is our sex life (or lack of one) She really wants nothing to do with me, even though I've been very supportive through all of her ups/downs.
I did have her removed from the house a while ago, had a protective order for the kids sake. It needed to happen, and she says she would have done the same if the tables were turned.
I just don't understand why she can't even show me the smallest amount of affection. Now we are sleeping in separate rooms, never talk etc. Not sure if this bothers her at all, I'm guessing she likes it this way.
I have no clue what's going on, as she never freely gives up information. So can someone give me a bit of insight? We didn't have the greatest sex life when she was drunk either.
Could it be possible she's holding resentment towards me?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
It is possible the resentment thing but the sober thing dosent help. When i was with my exhb when he was drinking, he wanted sex all the time! Then when he got sober, i felt like he forced it. Then when he was on pills, NO SEX LIFE. Is it possible that she may have switched her drinking for something else? Sometimes ani-depressants can SERIOUSLY take away your sex drive and its almost impossible to get in that mood. I would try talking to her and keep an eye out for pills she may be taking. Also, if you think it may be resentment, try spicing things up and take her out on a REAL DATE...like dinner and a walk in the park or beach or something...make it romantic when she comes home. Candles, music,massage...you never know. If she asked whats the occation, say your proud of her for stepping up. Even if she dosnt have sex with you that night, she will remember it and the spark will come back 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 58
Hi Lonestar
I'm just speaking from my experience and I am in no way an expert. All I know is that my sex drive took a major dive as well. I think it's because I was so use to being messed up I didn't know how to do anything sober at first.
Just be patient with her and try to talk to her. Try not to nag her or belittle her about it though, that won't help your situation. It sounds like you love her so if you do just be patient and kind.
Sometimes a woman just needs a little tenderness in order to open up, maybe try to snuggle on the couch, take things slowly. All I know is it took me a long time before I could let down my guard sober (especially in that area)
I'm not sure if she resents you. I was really nervous and self conscious because I was always messed up when i had sex. Don't give up on her. Just be patient and keep trying to get her to open up.
Hang in there and try not to take it too personally, I know it's hard for you too. You feel rejected.
Stay strong my friend!
Olivia
I'm just speaking from my experience and I am in no way an expert. All I know is that my sex drive took a major dive as well. I think it's because I was so use to being messed up I didn't know how to do anything sober at first.
Just be patient with her and try to talk to her. Try not to nag her or belittle her about it though, that won't help your situation. It sounds like you love her so if you do just be patient and kind.
Sometimes a woman just needs a little tenderness in order to open up, maybe try to snuggle on the couch, take things slowly. All I know is it took me a long time before I could let down my guard sober (especially in that area)
I'm not sure if she resents you. I was really nervous and self conscious because I was always messed up when i had sex. Don't give up on her. Just be patient and keep trying to get her to open up.
Hang in there and try not to take it too personally, I know it's hard for you too. You feel rejected.
Stay strong my friend!
Olivia
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
When my XAH got sober that whole year maybe we did it twice, he had to take viagra, he just couldn't be there for me, I felt neglected, unloved, ugly, undesairable etc, it is an ugly place to be, I had so much resenment, finally he asked me for the divorce, however, regardles the pain I am still going thru, I believe that God did for me what I could not do for myself, I am much serene and happy and dating a normie that makes me feel alive again.
Good luck to you,It is very difficult what you are going thru right now.
Good luck to you,It is very difficult what you are going thru right now.
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