lambdachi

For the first time in I don't know how long I have gone an entire day, night, and next morning without a sip of alcohol. One. Stinking. Day. And already I am feeling an overwhelming urge to call or visit several people and try to apologize or explain some things. Is that normal for people to want to do after making the decision to stop using?

I want to visit my parents and apologize for all the worry, heartache, and false sense of failure as parents that I have put them through the last 10 years. I tortured them.

I want to call my ex-fiance (who called off our engagement due to my alcoholism) and tell her that I didn't love alcohol more than her, I just thought I couldn't live without it. I broke her heart.

I want to call my amazing little sister, give her a hug and apologize for being such a lousy influence and older brother. I failed her.

I guess what I am saying is this: I am kicking myself harder than you can imagine about the fact that I had all this love and positive energy in my life and I tossed it all for alcohol. Not because I didn't care or was unappreciative, but because I literally could not see what I was doing to them or myself. I could be living such an amazing life right now and instead I am using a vacation day from work to detox alone in my apartment. It's really making me want to drink to forget. I know that every addict has a long list of regrets....I am just starting to realize mine now. If anyone has any suggestions for how to deal with these feelings or ways to go about making peace, please share. I'm all ears. Thanks. Hope you are all doing well.

bdiddy5522

Congrats on your first day sober! Keep going.

As for making amends so soon, it has been my experience that waiting is best. First off, are you going to get involved in a recovery support group? I sincerely hope you do.

The reason I suggest waiting to make amends is because you may not be emotionally ready to handle their responses yet. Making amends is about "clearing your side of the street" but just as you need to get some things off of your chest, the person you are apologizing to may also feel the need to "tell you how you made them feel". And what they have to say may not be pleasant. If they lash out (which some of them do) in your fragile state, than may cause serious harm to you and send you right back to the bottle.

A recovery group will prepare you to handle this situation when it is time. I hope this makes sense. And again, congrats on your sobriety.

kurtander

Good job on your first day I was there not to long ago keep up the good work. I would write letters to the people you have hurt so you can let it out keep them for a week or a mouth and read them back to yourself and if you feel the sameyou can give them to them keep in mind you do not want to hurt anyone when making amends I am on day 24 I reminder all to well the first 24 it gets better

lambdachi

Thanks a lot, bdiddy and kurtander for both the advice and encouragement. You are both right. I am going to give myself some time to process it all and get a little further along in my recovery before trying to make amends and explain myself. I just want to start making things better right now, you know? I'm sure that's natural. But as they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day". Day 2 is going so-so. I am going to have to turn the cell phone off tonight though to avoid the calls from the Friday night drinking crew. One day at a time...

Sapling

Maybe that's why that's the ninth step in AA...Another reason is...What if you only make it three days and you're right back to where you were...? I think getting some time under your belt would make the amends more meaningful also.

ranchero500

You should wait. It's been one day and no one would believe your promise to quit.
Strengthen yourself first by adding days, change your thinking and lifestyle. Keep your body and mind busy.

As the days add up, you will start feeling very proud of yourself and your self-respect will grow. This will flow over into every thing you do. People you have hurt will respond better as they naturally find out about your quitting.

I am still getting the occasional 'WOW' from friends and family. And I'm only on day 45. Some find it hard to believe but the time frame adds tremendous credibility.

Really quitting requires dedication, and that dedication only shines bona fide with time. Be patient. Be dedicated.

When times get tough
count your blessings and just breathe.

soberwingz

Congrats on your sober time! Going one day sober is a hugh accomplishment when you are an active alcoholic. I remember the fear I felt when I even considered going a day without drinking.

My best advice is to remain focused on not drinking right now. There will be plenty of time for apologies as the weeks and months unfold. Sometimes making apologies can get complicated and be a bit stressful. Sometimes saying we are sorry can be more damaging as well.

I'm really excited for you. Stay sober, be patient, and put together a plan to maintain your new sober life.

Keep us posted.

Firehazard

Welcome Lambda, Nice work on the 24 hrs and it is completely natural to wish to be

remorseful and to fix some things that you may have damaged. The opportunities will

come in time. For now it is best to keep things simple getting better by getting another

twent four hours under your belt and begin to build more healthy habits.

Taking5

Congrats on day 1 and there is some great advice here, lambdachi.

Dee74

Congratulations lambdachi and yeah - I agree with the advice here.
A lot of us look back and we want to erase or fix or make amends for the past as quickly as possible.

Thats a natural reaction, but like others have said - look to your priorities.

Day one is great - but you'll probably need all your energy for a while to spend on yourself.

Get sober, stay that way - then we can start to look to cleaning up some of the debris

D

sugarbear1

I certainly wanted to make everything go back to when I wasn't drinking immediately.

Give time time. First, stay stopped. Everything will fall into place, specifically, all of those things you need to take care of, one by one, will be taken care of! Relax and just change some little things, one at a time!

ONE beautiful day sober! Awesome and Priceless! Keep moving forward!

Db1105

Congratulations!

eJoshua

I think there's a lot of wisdom in waiting to tell people much -- that's true for making amends and even just for talking to others about your problems. By the end of my addiction I was not a very good judge of the proper time, place or people to share my emotions with. I just kind of threw a bunch of emotional garbage in a lot of people's faces. When I got sober it took me some time to process what I was going through before talking about my recovery with anyone who wasn't an addict/alcoholic themselves.

Congrats on 24 hours! That is quite the accomplishment.

twolivestouched

YOU are amazing! Good for you 24 hours is a great start. YOU are on your way to an incredible new life!

I think that writing letters is a great way to get your feelings out and it’s a great thing to go back and read on day 3 or 15 when all you want is a drink. Go back and read your own words to remind you of what you are risking losing again.

wicked

One. Miraculous! Day.
Fixed that for you.
:ghug3

Beth

awuh1

Your experience reminds me of a story.

There was a doctor who had tried for years to get sober. He was visited by a guy who spoke to him in a way he could finally understand. The new friend slowly weaned him from alcohol for several days before the Doc was due to perform a surgery. On the morning of the surgery the friend gave him a beer and took him to the hospital. The friend and the doctors wife waited for him to return. Many hours passed, but doc did not return home. They feared the worst. Afternoon turned to night. Finally, at nearly midnight and the doc walked through the door. It turns out he had performed the surgery that morning…. and it had been a success. Afterwards he had the impulse to go around and offer to make right the damage he had done to a host of people in the community. He did this the entire afternoon and night. For the most part they accepted his offers to make amends. This is the day celebrated as the founding of the organization called Alcoholics Anonymous. The doctor was referred to as Doctor Bob, the cofounder of AA.

Your impulse puts you in good company. …. Nevertheless, I would wait a bit to take this step.

IndaMiricale

Well done

Just work on you for now , like others said just get some time under your belt and then work on the past.

Good love, Inda

OCDDan

I'd chill, don't do anything, just sleep if possible

DoinThis

The best apology u can make for you and your friends/family is to keep going. Get sober and stay sober! Then they will listen to u. Sounds like your really ready, all the best

6palms

What you can do with this new found energy and desire is spend time with your parents today sober, clear headed and happy. Take them to lunch, or just stop by and spend quality time...call your sister just to check in and see how she is doing. This first week of my recovery I have done all the little things that I should have been doing all along...going to the park with my son, watching tv with my wife, getting up early to get the newspaper...little changes that make you feel accomplished and better.

Save the deep stuff for a bit later, when you have "proven" yourself to yourself...

congrats on day 1!!