strawberrygirl

So, I was just outside having a cigarette and I started crying for the best reason ever: I realized that for pretty much the first time in my life I'm starting to feel like I like myself.

My addictions started at about age 11 with anorexia. I replaced anorexia with bulimia at about age 13. Replaced bulimia with cutting at about 14 when my Mom caught on and sent me to my first therapist. Replaced cutting with the prescription drugs my therapist prescribed me and had my first overdose and hospitalization right after my 15th birthday. Added drinking to the mix as I got older.

I have spent twenty years hating myself and battling myself. I never achieved any real sobriety until last July and made it over five months...relapsed but caught myself quickly, luckily, this time...and here I am back on day 25. And for the first time in my life I'm feeling like I actually like myself. It sounds crazy and egotistical to me to hear myself say that. But it also feels really f###ing good.

janiebluebird

Its a good reason
Keep taking good care of yourself, you deserve it.

Sapling

That makes me feel good....Good for you...Time to love yourself and take care of yourself.....You have a lot of help here.

mhgone

No I think it sounds awesome and congrats. I have had dual addictions and have found alcohol and the most convenient. But when you look at the big picture, it just wastes your life. Congrats on your happiness and ongoing journey!

NewBeginning010

Sooooooo Happppyyyy For you SBG

Doenst it feel great to let go of the shame & start to feel again... especially feeling goood about yourself. You Rock!

This is for you:

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

artsoul

What a wonderful thing to share - that's great, strawberrygirl! I like myself today, too...... That's something no amount of alcohol or drugs ever gave me. I think that shows us we're moving in the right direction......

recoverywfaith

That is so awesome.

lambdachi

I hope to god I have that moment one day. Good for you!!! Keep it up!

leo21

No it's not crazy, nor egotistical to think that.
In fact, it's beautiful!!

Way to go!!

Purplecatlover

That's how we're supposed to feel. Drinking, drugging, eating disorders all numb us to where we don't know who we are anymore.
Once you break the cycle of addiction, you realize who you are supposed to be.

I'm very happy for you! We all deserve to be happy, free & love ourselves.
Keep up the good work. It gets better

Dominica2

Strawberry,

You deserve to be happy! I am so glad to hear you are feeling awesome. Don't feel guilty. This is why we are living...to be happy. :o) Congrats on day 25!

Firehazard

Hi Stawberry, So good to hear this from you. We are worth IT

sissy07

Man, I just loved reading your post. I still have some things to work out, but I do know what you mean. Congratulations on your sobriety, your strength, and the love in your heart.

Taking5

There is a word for this which is thrown around in the rooms of AA a lot, and you just experienced it: GRATITUDE.

Dee74

I remember when I had that moment too strawberrygirl.
After a lifetime of self hate? it was incredible

Thanks for a wonderful post

D

Dimitri

I think realizing that we get to like ourselves for who we are is one of the most important discoveries a person can make.

instant

SG

Learning to live with myself took me years, I still work on it. I loved your miracle moment- they do happen!!