OheemJah

I'll be a month sober on Sunday. This is the longest that I have gone since I was 17 or so (I'm 31). I feel so lost, I feel like a lot of my relationships are unraveling before my eyes. It's almost as if my drinking helped me shrug off certain issues, and now everything is so clear.

I feel like a lot of people don't know what I'm going through. I live with my boyfriend and he truly is an amazing man. He has NEVER drank, I think once when he was 14. I just feel like he doesn't understand my emotions and what I am going through. It seems so much easier to drive to the liquor store, get a bottle of vodka, have a bloody mary or two and feel less stressed out.

I don't miss feeling like **** every morning, I don't miss feeling like I'm gaining weight, I don't miss the vodka flu every other week, and I don't miss not remembering things. I DO miss feeling buzzed and happy, and I DO miss temporarily not giving a s***.

I just wish I could drink like a normal person, and am upset I was born like this. Why can't I just have two drinks once a week? Why can't I just enjoy myself without going over board? As messed up as alcohol made me feel, at least I had temporary relief,... now, I have zero relief. I don't know where to go from here.

Sapling

Hey OheemJah....Why not an AA meeting?...Meet some happy sober alcoholics and ask them how they did it....I was born that way too...AA worked for me and many others....Not drinking...And happy with life. It sure can't hurt.

Anna

Where you go from here is forward. You can learn to live and to cope without benefit of alcohol. And, you can learn to deal with the stuff in your life without alcohol. Take things slow and make reasonable goals each day. Everytime you accomplish one of your goals you will gain confidence in yourself.

And, it's really hard for others to understand what we're going through. That's why I come here and I know that here at SR, people understand.

johnny2times

hi OheemJah, dont be sad, be proud of youself for being sober now, let those issues go..they belong in the past, the future is what matters, have u looked into aa yet? get with the program as soon as you can, surround yourself with the good people of aa and replace the booze buzz with the aa buzz...its much better/healthier and you'll feel so much happier very soon

2granddaughters

AA gets another vote from me as well.

The folks at AA will understand you and you will feel right at home.

All the best.

Bob R

OheemJah

Thank you so much for the kind words! I want to try AA, however, I am so shy and would probably be too timid to say anything. I've been trying to run everyday, that has been a little relief, and I need to surround myself with sober people (which I have). I figure, if I can quit smoking, I can quit drinking!! I am hoping the first month is the worst.

Dee74

Hi OheemJah

A lot of people struggle with this, so you're not alone at all

Have you done anything but simply stop drinking?

I think a lot of us need to do more than that - I know I had to learn how to live my life sober and be happy with that too.

Like Anna says - that takes time and effort - but it's worth it

I think support's important too - having people who understand can be a great help...and you'll find that here

D

dawnrunner

Just wanted to say: I love your profile pic and have been there myself!!

Hang in.. Life expands exponentially as you get more sober, healthy, happy.

OheemJah

Thanks Dawnrunner! I love your profile picture as well. Sometimes I feel that my horse is the only thing that makes me sane LOL. I am going to keep going, no relapses here... I don't want to start from square one again... Square one sucks! I would rather be on the one month square. Thank you everyone, I've never posted a thread in here, but it did make me feel a lot better knowing that I am not the only one

Purplecatlover

I had the same feelings in the beginning. I was angry I couldn't be " normal". Jealous of people that could just have 2.
As I got more sober time, I just accepted that is the way it is.
It became easier after that. Don't give up. Keep reading.

Sobriety is a journey of self discovery. I have learned so much, resolved alot of my issues that I'd put on hold for yrs. in a matter of weeks.
Escaping isn't really escaping, it's a pause button. I wasted too much time doing the same thing over& over & hoping it would turn out different each time.
Never give up.

sugarbear1

Congratulations on 27 days!

neferkamichael

Good job on the month sober. You might loose a friend, but I believe the real ones willl be proud of you. Lot's of problems will go away with time. you can do it.

jobei

Yes I know this feeling for sure! Going through it a lot myself right now. I've been trying to give myself rewards for not drinking. I find that if I give myself something daily (sometimes it's ice cream or a new shirt) that it helps to reinforce my behavior of not drinking... and I'm noticing my brain looking for that reward more than the booze as the days go on... it's a form of temporary relief.

eJoshua

Hello!

It's completely understandable that your bf doesn't understand where you're at and a lot of other people don't either. Most of us here felt that way too. In fact, that's what keeps a lot of us coming back to SR -- because everyone here gets it!

You don't have to feel alone. Check out an AA meeting if you want face to face support -- if you find a good one you'll be able to connect in person with others who are just like us.

Take care and don't feel alone.

VJ99

I'm into day 5 for the umpteenth time in a 30 year struggle. In all that time the longest I've been sober is 2 months... last year. I can't explain why that one ended. But I know all the others ended because I had the same thoughts as you so many times! I kept thinking how unfare it all seems! I had them again today. My wife of 30 years (only coincidence that I've been drinking that long <smile>) had a friend over after work and they decided to have a couple of beer out on the deck in the 80 degree sun. That was 6 hours ago. I felt all kinds of emotions - why can't I be normal etc. etc. I was lying in bed just now stewing over all that and decided to log in here.

In that two month period I did go to AA meetings. There are different kinds. I went to a few before I found one I was comfortable with. Like you, I am shy (it was a great excuse for me). But I went. And although I didin't continue to go, I'm drawing on that experience now. I am relying on all the good people here for times like this, and if I find myself in need of face-to-face I'll be the first one at that meeting tomorrow. It wasn't for me for 30 years, today it is.

Give it a try. No one will judge you, and if you aren't comfortable, no one will stop you from leaving.

Good luck!

VJ

DoinThis

At the 30 day mark it definately got easier for me. I do know what u mean tho. Days like that I just go to bed super early and get a good sleep. Excersise definately helps too. All the best

macknacat

you can go to AA and , if you like, say nothing more than your first name and that you are "here to listen" .. it has been, for me, a great place to take on all the issues that were blurred by booze /drugs.

16 clean/sober years later i still go to meetings.

FlyerFan

We all wish we could be normal drinkers but we can't because we are alcoholics.

You can get that relief back through a 12 step program like AA. And as others have said you don't even have to speak at all if you dont' want. Just say "hi im ____ and I have a desire to stop drinking" and thats all you have to say.