transformyself

Good morning

We have an IEP - indidividualized learning plan- meeting at my 8th graders school today with the entire team.

I can't attend and have asked AH to go.

I woke up this morning thinking about calling the woman at the school who is in charge of our sons planning and asking her to be aware of whether or not AH smells of alcohol.

Tell her about our pending divorce and his alcoholism.

This will be an easy one-he ALWAYS smelles like alcohol and it's his day off so he'll start drinking asap regardless of this meeting.

Can this backfire?

a school official on record saying he was drunk at 1pm will help my custody case, but can this back fire? I was going to call rather than email so there's no record.

thanks!

Thelma

I've had a similar situation work out well for a friend of mine. She was helping her case by making the caseworker aware of her AH drinking, and she was because it was documented by an outside source. And he was no longer able to pick up his children after the divorce because the judge ruled supervised visitation and he had eventually lost his license. It was harder on my friend as far as picking up and dropping off her kids, but at least she knew her babies were safe.

MaybeCalifornia

If he goes in there under the influence or smelling like alcohol, they'll probably be able to tell. If it were me, I'd step back and give him the chance to either pull it off or blow it on his own.

Best of luck!

Florence

I'd let a member of the team know about the pending divorce and the alcoholism because it's relevant to your child's school performance. If it happens to help your custody case, great. But the IEP team needs to work with all the information to assign services for your son.

Florence

Hee! I'm assuming "son". For your CHILD.

Former teacher with a son here.

ichabod

Can you trust him to handle such an important meeting? When my RAH was drinking I made sure that I handled school meetings, otherwise I'd never get an accurate account.

sirpher

Calling the school would be a good idea, if only to get the information that is going to be discussed at the IEP meeting.

What I have done in the past is talk to the school social worker only and let them know about the divorce and alcohol problems at home. Usually the social worker is at the IEP meeting and they distribute the information as they see fit for the school and how this information relates to the IEP.

My older daughter has been in an IEP program since 2nd grade (she's a sophmore in High School now), and that program has helped her tremendously in school and I hope that is the case with your child also.

Tuffgirl

Here's a way to get around actually asking them to be aware of the smell on his breath - simply inform the school counselor of the troubles going on in your home and that there is alcoholism involved.

Teachers are mandatory reporters in every state that I know of. If that pick up on it, they are legally bound to file a report.

wanttobehealthy

Frankly I would reschedule the meeting bc you are giving ah the power to make decisions for your child without you there-- both parents don;t have to sign for iep decisions to go into effect as long as he is listed as a parent with decision making powers which it sounds like it is.

I think that the school might hear your concern but in my experience what they will do, if anything, is contact dept of child services. That's about all schools can do if they know of concerns involving parents and kids.

Is there a way to reschedule the meeting? I wouldn't risk your child's educational program in hopes that AH shows up drunk...

gerryP

"I wouldn't risk your childs educational program in hopes that AH shows up drunk..."

Agreed.

transformyself

Yeah, I didn't risk my childs educational program in the hopes that AH would show up drunk, I am in constant contact with this team and keep track of my sons progress. It was not possible today for me to attend, but I have spoken at length with the team. and reviewed the paperwork as well.

AH was sober today when he went and I didn't make any calls. Thanks for the advice.

Thumper

I am so glad for your sons sake that he was sober. I had such a pit in my stomach thinking of him having his dad show up with to much to drink. My xah never went to the IEP's but there were other things

transformyself

Thanks Thumper.

Our son didn't attend the meeting. It was really just a formalization of the paperwork and strategies we've been working in, in preparation for his transition to high school. I was thrilled to have AH go, actually, as I have attended all of them and done all of the work necessary but couldn't be there today. He can handle it, he's a big boy.

I just figured, and why not honestly, that he would be drunk. He's been on quite a bender. For some reason he's sober now, though, and angry. He's either drunk or pissed off.

the best part of this for me is not panicking about any of it because TA-DA i'm looking for a place for us to move to WITHOUT HIM and filing for divorce. Ah, that's better. Oh, and getting the kids back into therapy.