I didn't realize what a process letting go is.

I've just about let go of my unhealthy relationship with ABF (almost axbf) I see it for what it is for the most part, have been to therapy and al-anon, and want to be the best I can for myself and my son. I've let go of the notion that I can 'fix' him, and that if I'm just good enough, he'll want to be around his family. That's hogwash, his problems are his problems.

One of the last things I really need to learn to just let go is his perception, which I have no control over. I'm already getting the point that he is going to "write his story" the way he lives his life-by placing blame elsewhere and doing everything but being introspective and reflective as to his role in things.

It's so frustrating! I care too much what others think of me...and the fact that he's walking away thinking that he gave it his all and that we aren't working out because of things I did or didn't do...(like not allow him to live with me until he could stick around-which didn't happen). I am working through this in therapy...I realize that he truly did give what was his all, in his impaired, sick way. I realize that he is projecting the blame for our relationship not working out on me because its easier than addressing his alcoholism.

I've written myself letters, defended myself, and even tonight went back in old texts to dispute his claims (for me-not necesarily to share with him). I know everyone writes their own story, but its so frustrating that his version of our story will be so screwed up...but I guess that goes right in there with things I can't control.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to the opportunity to seek out a healthy relationship in the future.