strawberrygirl

Hi Everyone. I am new to this site and finding it really helpful.

I currently have 24 days of sobriety. I have a history of prescription drug abuse and eating disorders and definitely a pattern of replacing one addiction with another addiction. So, focused on abstaining from alcohol but also on doing the real work for a long term solution to my addictions and not going the easy route of replacing addiction with addiction. I had a little over five months after quitting last July and I think my last relapse taught me that I'm still working on admitting I am an alcoholic and I need to get over my "I can just have one drink" fantasies. Also that loneliness and my introversion are huge triggers for me and that I need to find ways to reach out and cope without alcohol or other substances or unhealthy behaviors.

My question to all of you going through this is how do you know when you are engaging in a healthy level of self-care and vigilance regarding your sobriety v. going too easy on yourself or coddling yourself when it's time to push things a little further?

My focus during the last 24 days has been to just get to the gym, stick to a routine, not drink and not be too hard on myself if that's all I can handle right now. I think I'm ready to take on a bit more but also really weary of landing in a place where I push too hard and wind up back at day one. I would love to hear your advice or thoughts on how you've found that balance.

Sapling

Hey strawberrygirl ...I was a chronic alcoholic for a long time....I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do to continue to live...First one being...Dragging my ass into a room full of people I didn't know and admitting I was an alcoholic....You know what?...They didn't care...They were all alcoholics too. They showed me what I had to do to stop for good and it worked....Being kind to myself just got me drunk.

GrowingDaily

I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from, Strawberry. Are you worried you're not doing enough to understand & correct the problems that lead you to drug abuse / eating disorders, or are you still engaging in such behaviors aside from drinking & asking if you should quit them too?

GirlFromCO

Hey SG. For me, these questions were linked in a weird way. Self care was really hard work for me in the beginning. I really had no idea how to relax and give myself a break without turning to alcohol. I was either wasted or like "let's go, hurry up!" I'd pile the pressure on until I snapped again and drank. I found that it helped a lot to lower my expectations of myself for a while when I was trying to get better from the damage I did to myself with drinking. I think having a simple routine like you do is a great idea. You'll know when you're ready for more.

strawberrygirl

Definitely the former v. the latter, Growing. I guess I am trying to figure out how much I want to try to add to my routine right now. I've been in a place where my primary focus is simply staying sober. I'm not sure my question regards whether I am doing enough to understand & correct the issues underlying my abuse. More, understanding whether I am ready to take on more, e.g. adding back more into my schedule and curious how others found a healthy balance in terms of their day to day level of activity and got to a point where they trusted they were doing "enough." Hope that's more clear.

Sapling

You have to look at it like a job strawberrygirl...No matter what way you want to use to stop drinking...It's going to take some effort...The more you put into it...The better your chances it's going to work....If it was easy.....None of us would be here.

strawberrygirl

Thanks, GirlFromCO - yeah, that is totally the place I am in right now. Patience is definitely a virtue I am trying to develop. I am definitely a "let's go, hurry up!" kind of gal.

GrowingDaily

Gotcha.

From my own experience, I've noticed that I find insight into the 'why I am the way I am' pretty much every day I am sober. It's inevitable. You no longer have a crutch to lean on, so you have to face the problems you've been hiding from head-on. And this brings insight.

Still, there are plenty of issues that are deep-seated & hard to understand on your own, and/or hard to find solutions for. In this case I guess counseling and/or turning to others for help & support would be the best ways to go.

What you're doing right now is a monumental effort. You're certainly not coddling yourself! You should be proud as hell over what you're doing.

Anna

I understand what you're saying Strawberrygirl. I had to be very careful with myself in early recovery too. I had really lost almost all my self-esteem and was so hard on myself. It backfired time and again. I had to stop and be quiet and listen to what my body was telling me. And, I knew from the start that balance was going to be crucial for me. Years later, it still is crucial. So, I walked, ate well, did yoga, and I read a lot about spirituality. And, for me, it worked.

michelle01

I was considering this just yesterday. I think it's okay to be easy on yourself in early recovery, while you are adjusting. One day at a time can be enough to get through - small steps, one thing at a time. I recommend getting all the support you need at this time as well. First things first - getting sober, you don't need to set yourself all kinds of other expectations and achievements. Many addicts have a streak of perfectionism or can tend to get obsessive about goals. If they fall short of their own very high expectations, they experience a feeling of dejection/failure, and that often leads them to entirely self jettison recovery. I've done it myself, finally decided just to get back to basics and the rest can (and often does) take care of itself. I don't always have to force it, I have also learned to accept that sometimes I only have limited control.

katrinka

It depends what your responsibilities are. You can't stop working or taking care of your life but you can baby yourself a little and put sobriety first. Good luck!

freshstart57

During my hardest times, one of my biggest challenges was to be gentle with myself. There was a committee upstairs that had a long list of complaints, and the vodka would make them shut up, at least for a little while. Being gentle with myself now is part of eliminating that committee, miserable member by miserable member, not just keeping them quiet.

Being gentle with myself about consuming alcohol? Not on your life, Strawberrygirl, and most definitely not on mine.

sugarbear1

Take it easy, stay sober. Get done what needs to get done. Relax when you can, sober. It will all fall into place when it needs to. I began my recovery program in AA on day 5, worked the steps on days 14 & 15, and continued working the steps or attending meetings since then, with lots of coddling in between.

I worked hard and played hard, but never really took care of me. Today, a nap, a bubble bath, or a mani/pedi is okay. Sometimes not doing the dishes or cleaning for a day or so, well, that's okay, too because it will get done. Priorities are addressed, which weren't addressed when I was drinking. I love my naps, today I listen to speakers while laying down for an hour.

AVRT, AA, something can help you to continue to deal with life as it comes.

Peace, love, & hugs,

strawberrygirl

Thanks all for your kind words today. I've been going out of my skin the last couple days and it has been such a help to just hear that others have been there. Very much appreciated.