Family division over relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Family division over relapse
Hello,
My sister's brother is in the middle of yet another relapse, which has been a consistent pattern going on almost three years now. He goes a month or so sober (so we think) and then has a full blown drinking bender, which ends in a detox center and then he is good to go. Everyone lets out a sigh of relief and low and behold the cycle continues again.
Problem is that this time his situation is somewhat different. He has moved overseas to where my wife and I live. He lost everything, and this was going to be his big chance at starting over. The thing is he left a mess behind for one brother to clean up and, at least in my opinion, never really has taken charge of anything yet, he seems to be content for others to take on what are his responsibilities.
Regardless of the specifics, we have a real spit in the family about what to do with him now. There is no detox where we live, so another brother is coming in a couple of days to get him and take him back to his place. My wife and I, along with one of her brothers feel it is time to just let him be, and quit the cycle of rescue/relapse. The other brother and his wife feel the opposite, that it is our responsibility to do all we can for him, he needs us, is so lonely etc... This is now causing a great deal of tension between family members.
I'm wondering what folks thoughts are on what to do. Are we wrong to say it is time to let him finally sink or swim? Of course the underlying fear from all of us is we are worried he might die. What do people do when half the family wants to continue the enabling and the other wants to let him live with the full consequences of his actions and behavior.? He says all the right things when he is sober of course, but real actions are pretty lacking.
My sister's brother is in the middle of yet another relapse, which has been a consistent pattern going on almost three years now. He goes a month or so sober (so we think) and then has a full blown drinking bender, which ends in a detox center and then he is good to go. Everyone lets out a sigh of relief and low and behold the cycle continues again.
Problem is that this time his situation is somewhat different. He has moved overseas to where my wife and I live. He lost everything, and this was going to be his big chance at starting over. The thing is he left a mess behind for one brother to clean up and, at least in my opinion, never really has taken charge of anything yet, he seems to be content for others to take on what are his responsibilities.
Regardless of the specifics, we have a real spit in the family about what to do with him now. There is no detox where we live, so another brother is coming in a couple of days to get him and take him back to his place. My wife and I, along with one of her brothers feel it is time to just let him be, and quit the cycle of rescue/relapse. The other brother and his wife feel the opposite, that it is our responsibility to do all we can for him, he needs us, is so lonely etc... This is now causing a great deal of tension between family members.
I'm wondering what folks thoughts are on what to do. Are we wrong to say it is time to let him finally sink or swim? Of course the underlying fear from all of us is we are worried he might die. What do people do when half the family wants to continue the enabling and the other wants to let him live with the full consequences of his actions and behavior.? He says all the right things when he is sober of course, but real actions are pretty lacking.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I think you and your household have chosen a path of serenity with loving detachment. You are allowing the adult family member, with an addiction, the dignity to choose their own path - and that includes dealing with their own consequences.
However, we can't always convince others to accept our decisions.
I will share a link to a stick post (older, permanent posts that are preserved for reading), this post contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism in my life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I think you and your household have chosen a path of serenity with loving detachment. You are allowing the adult family member, with an addiction, the dignity to choose their own path - and that includes dealing with their own consequences.
However, we can't always convince others to accept our decisions.
I will share a link to a stick post (older, permanent posts that are preserved for reading), this post contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism in my life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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