shockozulu

My sister has been my best friend through an awful lot of our lives. Somehow our relationship has survived our mother's addiction, my addiction and recovery, and our mother's illness and death last year.

Somehow this last quarter at school my sister's personality has kept changing. Its obvious to me now that she is using some sort of stimulant. I refuse to live with drugs in my life anymore, I've lost two friends to accidental OD's the last three years alone, and I deserve better.

Earlier today she started running at the mouth again and all I could think was "so that is why people do heroin with their cocaine-to shut up this stream of consciousness" - well I think its time to go limited contact and bring the Al-Anon meeting back on my calender.

I realize that I've put her through hell and back with my addiction. She still continues to throw my recovery back in my face. The more meetings I attend, the more she feels I wronged her. I think she's looking for someone who will justify her using. That's not me. She can claim I'm at home intoxicated when I'm actually at a meeting (watching her try to sell this one to herself is simply sad), that I'm not doing my steps (how would she know?) and that I'm at my computer more when in actuality I'm socializing more everyday...well you get the picture.

Its me always me wrong-wrong, her right-right. Then I get so I'm questioning everything from my own sobriety to my sanity. I remember this quacking from dealing with my mom. The difference is unlike Mom, Sis is looking to bring me down with her. Well, I won't go on that journey.

I'm really just posting this because in the upcoming months I will need support to continue my limited contact. Currently I just leave my headphones on when I'm home and she's up and awake. Otherwise I can go around doing my normal activities, she's generally sleeping or hyper and out visiting my step-parents. I go to my daily recovery meetings and what ever normal activities the day holds.

Thanks for reading.

CanfixONLYme

I'm sorry you are going through yet another trial in your life. Wow. You have been through a lot. ;(

You are really on the right track as your sister seems to be deflecting and ruminating about the past about you to justify what's she's doing to herself.

You have been in her shoes in the past and know how her brain is firing (not truthfully or with love). I pray she seeks help for herself and sees that no one else is responsible for where she is or where she's going with her life.

Keep strong and on your recovery/life path. I believe that sometimes, living by example not only helps ourselves but others in need as well.

Ann

I'm sorry, it's just sad to watch someone we love lose themselves in addiction.

You are wise to take a giant step back, this cannot be good for your own recovery. I hope things get better for both of you soon.

Hugs

greeteachday

Sounds like you have a good plan in place to add the Alanon side of things to your program. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope your example of recovery will help you sister find her way as well.

shockozulu

Thank you everyone. Yes, it has been a hard few years. I lost one good friend and cousin to alcohol-he had fallen and cracked his skull causing a concussion that killed him, his sister to complications from her meth days (she had been clean a year), my mother who had been "in recovery" for the last year of her life, a neighbor and dear friend who had been clean for twenty years until he had open heart surgery which got him hooked on pain pills and he took his life one morning in a drug OD and finally a close training pal of mine from my sports days who went out and died from using. These are just the deaths that I can recall without thinking.

Last night my sister, in a fit, complained about me having my music on so much. All I could think of was "thank goodness so I don't have to hear these complaints all the time." She then went on to the next subject, jumping them so quickly again that I had trouble keeping track.

The thing she hasn't realized yet is that I do have a strong program, and much better boundaries. That regardless of the actual cause of her behavior I don't have to talk with her outside of paying rent and other mutual household discussions. She's also learning that most nights I'm not at home but at a meeting. She can try to keep me from meetings but she can't do a dang thing about me going.

shockozulu

Ugh, I was finishing my food and was going to do some step work after calming down, Instead my sister was rambling for over an hour after waking up. I hate when my serenity gets thrown for a loop.

God grant me the serenity to...