kindkatie

Was addicted to coke from age 16-19. Ruined my whole life, took away everything. I was shooting it, using it all the time. Been clean for 6 years from it, then on Saturday did a little and it turned into a lot. Im scared. Im new to this board and dont really know how it works but hope someone can help

Sapling

You're in the right spot...Welcome to SR kindkatie...Lot of people just like you here.

kindkatie

there any way to not feel so ashamed?

Sapling

For me...Finding a way out and and giving everything I had into making it work...Alcohol was my problem....The shame is no different...

kindkatie

Drinking is a problem for me too. Although I will never admit it. I think I can drink and it is separate from the coke. But im started to see it is all mushed together.

I feel so depressed and worthless

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

InsertNameHere

I don't mean to be rude here but it sounds like you just did? Not stating anything just asking and pointing out what I think I read.

kindkatie

Until today really. IT took this weekend for me to realize how closely they really do exist. I always insisted they were separate.

2granddaughters

kindkatie, are you attending NA or AA meetings?

sugarbear1

Hi katie!

I used coke, too. it helped me to drink more (among other things). When I wanted to get out of reality, I used alcohol, coke or pot. To me, it was the effect. Feeling like I "belonged." I found that when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, there was another solution, which I happened to find in the AA rooms. There are other programs available. The AA book is online, the NA book has recently been pulled offline. There's also SMART or AVRT.

Try by reading some of these sites or books. There is another solution waiting for you!

For now, get rid of what's left, don't buy more, and just for now, don't use. You can do this. It took me about 3 days to get it out of my body, a bit more to get my head right, but read. Maybe get to a meeting so you can talk to others in person.

You can stay stopped. You've given it up before.
Hugs,

sugarbear1

XA-Speakers - The lights are on! has online speaker tapes. Take a listen. Listen for their solution, not necessarily for their story (in the beginning it made me want to use). How their lives changed. It might help get you out of your head for now. The guilt can be dealt with, in time. We didn't get here in one day, it won't change in one day, either.

I wish you well,

kindkatie

thank you. i will.

I used to coke every single day. to do anything I was doing, work, the gym, family events, sitting at home. I was always on it.

I just feel so ashamed

I have not been to NA since 6 years ago

sugarbear1

I'd tell ya my story, suffice it to say, I felt the same. It can and does change. Give time time! Give yourself a small break today and don't use. This is a great beginning!

Pigtails

I can relate. Thank you for sharing this. I have been feeling a lot of crappy feelings four months out from stopping drinking... and I think that's what it is, depression and worthlessness out of shame. I think we need to just work through it, and realize we're not worthless and we do deserve better for ourselves. You can do this!

sugarbear1

Ernest Kurtz Shame & Guilt (or Guilt & Shame) is a good read after working the 12 steps.

LDT

Sapling is right.........whether it's coke, or alcohol or another drug/addiction.....the shame is the same. We are all working through it. With your past sobriety you already know how it feels on the other side of the shame. The shortest distance to that feeling again is to go straight through it.

eJoshua

Hello Katie --

You have been through a lot it sounds like. Welcome to SR, I'm glad you found us.

I felt a lot of shame because of my drinking. Now that I have been sober 11 months I am beginning to regain my diginity. You too can regain what you had while you were sober. This is a great place for support. I hope you stick around and chare more of your story.

Best wishes,

kindkatie

im scared to be honest. and feel like i cant look in the mirror

Hevyn

Katie, We've all felt that shame & remorse. It leads nowhere, though. It's a useless emotion that holds us down & prevents us from moving on. You've made a great start by coming here and talking about what happened. We're all on your side - you can get past this & have a new start.

eJoshua

I remember that feeling. I can't make it go away, but I can tell you that I think almost everyone here has been where you are.

I tried to quit drinking for about 1-2 years before I was actually successful. I had a long string of sober for a few weeks, then drinking for a week, then sober and relapse, over and over again. It was very humiliating.

Whatever you do, try not to lose hope. There's always hope in sobriety, but if you lose all hope it's very difficult to succeed in staying sober.