Missy7

I've been attending a meeting once a week, but I have some questons about it.

What is your experience with meetings in a member's home?

Is there value in meeting at a neutral location?

What are the risks of attending meetings where the same people have been attending for a long time?

Thanks for your help guys.

Sapling

I've attended meetings in a storage closet of a church...A good one too...Are you getting anything out of it?....Are they talking about the steps?....The book?...As far as the same people attending a long time goes....There must be some reason they keep coming back...I still like to mix it up and try different meetings though...It keeps it interesting....But for me...My homegroup is my home.

eJoshua

I think it's good to have a meeting with people who have been going for a long time. It may take time to be accepted into that type of group, but if you are able to stick it out I would think the reward would be great. You would develop a great sense of community, and that's helpful when you're sharing deeply personal things with a group of people.

Best wishes in your journey

Pigtails

I've never attended a meeting in someone's home, but I think that would be pretty cool. I have thought about having people over to my place for dinner or a meeting etc. but I don't know the protocol on that.

My home group is a small group of women who meet once a week and I like the consistency. It helps me to be able to count on a steady group of women (even though they don't all go to every meeting, and neither do I). I have gotten to know them and their stories and I like the sense of community and familiarity... it also helps keep me accountable... I will be noticed/missed if I don't show up!

That being said I try to be welcoming to new people because I don't want us to seem clique-ish, and I want other people to feel as welcome as I did when I first joined.

Firehazard

I see no risk with that only huge reward. Solid longterm sobriety is the model

and a group like that can be very intimate. It may take a while to trust them

but surrender is not a bad thing for us. It seems the only way out.

Fenris

Missy, I've always been told that the only things you need for an AA meeting are two drunks and a coffee pot. The location doesn't matter. Personally, I like attending meetings where everyone knows everyone else. There's an intimacy and closeness that you won't find in really big meetings. Becoming a part of that is awesome, but it can take time and effort to really feel like your part of it, no matter how welcoming everyone is.

--Fenris.

sugarbear1

Maybe go and try it out? I have a friend who has sober gatherings in their home, the food is awesome and there's long time sobriety involved. It's often more comfortable than a cold metal chair in a church basement (cheap rent).

As for a group meeting together, what does their sobriety appear to be? Do they do what they say (walk their talk)? Or do they justify each others' non-sober behaviors? Why not go and find out? Do you feel comfortable with these people?

Only you can figure this out.
I wish you well,

Missy7

Well, there's no coffee, for the record, and I feel like I'm coming into a private conversation. There is a good deal of general discussion of area AA members and a lot of inside jokes. The person whose house it is comments on each share...and oddly...last week when I came in on time they all came from another room as if they had been doing something as a group and my arrival changed things.

This wasn't my first time attending this meeting, so I wasn't really over sensitive, but it was strange.

I think I will be happier with more variation.

DayTrader

They can be AWESOME or they can be click-ish. I'm not usually a big fan of someone who comments after each person talks. Maybe they've got something good to say but it smacks to me of egoism....the same sort of thing we're working to get RID of in AA.

That said.....almost anytime 2 ppl were talking I thought it was about me - lol. Usually, it's just me being self-centered though..

MemphisBlues

I think the inherent danger of a meeting in someone's home is that it becomes "there" meeting and not an "AA " meeting. For some reason I take comfort in knowing that I and any other person with a desire to quit drinking can walk through the door and be welcomed.

Perhaps instead of a meeting it should be labeled a sober gathering?

That said, in China I know of meetings in someone's home since they are basically illegal to have without a government monitor.

Are there meetings of the real kind to attend? Those would be my salvation, and the gatherings in someone's home icing on the cake.

Again, this sounds like the homeowner's meeting, not an AA meeting. For example, could I walk into the meeting and be welcomed?

I suspect not.

FlyerFan

I have to agree with this. I think its great that people want to get together at someones house but it shouldnt be labled as an official AA meeting, perhaps just a sober gathering as suggested. But still any gathering at all is awesome in my opinion.

I have been going to the same 3 meetings per week for the last 2 months and I love seeing the same old people there, it gives me a sense of structure and well being.

2granddaughters

"Group conscience".
If the group members vote and the majority agree that having a home meeting works best for them, then a home meeting it will be.
It teaches me to go with the majority...... even though I may have voted "against".
Hopefully you are attending more than that 1 meeting a week and seeing how other groups work. I have 5 groups within walking distance and they are all different in the way they conduct their meetings. I attend them all. There is quality lessons to be learned at each.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R.

DayTrader

.......some of the best meetings I've EVER been to have been in ppl's homes.....

and don't forget, that's where AA got it's start - in Dr Bob's home. Before the King Street School meeting (AA meeting #1), meetings were in Dr Bob's house or Bill's place in NY.

I've been to FAR more "crappy" meetings in churches or halls than in someone's house. Usually, someone who's willing to open their house to AA is someone I want to be around. Anyone can go to a meeting and take off right afterwards. It's usually the strongest members who are willing to go those extra lengths.

sugarbear1

I'm bothered by the gossip--"There is a good deal of general discussion of area AA members..." Gossip isn't sober behavior unless it's spoken out of love or concern for another, and that even gets a bit tricky; what other people do is God's concern, in my opinion.

Forget those inside jokes, these people probably have known each other a long time and inside jokes happen with a group of people. No coffee? What's up with that? (again, my opinion)

As for coming out of another room, maybe they were looking at the new desk or something. If you aren't comfortable, try another meeting. In fact, keep trying different meetings as the meetings exist so the newcomer may find us and our purpose is to carry the message to the newcomer. The steps keep me sober, not the meetings.

I'm about to stop attending a particular meeting because I'm noticing these people are using that meeting as a social gathering. Although they discuss reaching out for the newcomer, in 10 months not one of those people have reached out to me. I want to call them out on it, but I'll leave it alone.

Two weeks in a row, a Mom has discussed how her family is upset with her coming to this meeting....(really?) Aren't we to use the steps so we can function and live without drinking? Why avoid a family you've created? This Mom doesn't see how her "sober behavior" is creating problems in her own family and is not seeing her selfishness. I'd give anything to spend time with my 6 year old (if I had one today) and my husband. Step work is in order and this Mom needs to get real as to how she's treating her family in real life. This meeting also tends to be group therapy--people venting about what they are or aren't doing and how others are still being blamed.

She's not the only person avoiding family because they "need a meeting." Several people share about it being their 3rd meeting of the day. (Really?) I don't "need" a meeting today, I need to live life and to live the principles of the program. It's about fully human interactions, first with the family, then, when able, in the fellowship (social) area. My opinion.

Sorry, just giving (and venting) some examples. (and judging-ouch!)

All the best to you! Keep staying stopped!

Missy7

Thanks. I have a vicious schedule and liked this meeting's time--and I wanted the consistency. But there's a formality it lacks that general meetings don't. I like that I know how everyone will behave in a meeting.

And the constant responses to shares is a problem.

heathersweeds

There is too much uncertainty in this situation for me to be comfortable. I'd find another meeting. To me, gossiping is very dangerous. Especially with a group of women and a ringleader. This could come back and bite you in the a$$ if you as the new girl says something another woman doesn't like. I have a hard enough time trusting women to begin with, and maybe this post shows it, but, this one really scared the he11 out of me, for YOU!!

DisplacedGRITS

I'm very new to AA and find that attending a lot of meetings in different places to be a great way to find out what, when, where and who works best for me.