Sapling

Or at least cost you everything you have...And I mean everthing. I've seen a lot of people come onto this site since I started here with the question of whether or not they are an alcoholic....When you really think about it...How many people that don't have serious problems with alcohol go on a Recovery site to ask such a question?...Probably not many...I'll admit to you right now...I am an alcoholic...You can call me a permanent alcoholic...I can't have one drink without going right back to where I was...Living hell. I have no problem with that label today....If you do?...Call yourself whatever you want...If there is a problem..Solve it while you can.
The main reason I let alcohol drag my life through the mud for 35 years...Was Fear.....Plain and simple. I'll list a few I had....See if any ring a bell...Or add some of your own that I might have missed if you want. But if fear is what's keeping you drinking....Like it did me...That could cost you a lot...I'm living proof. It might be time to face those fears.

I had a major fear of being called an alcoholic...How did I let myself go that far?
I had a fear I couldn't quit and stick to it...How many times did I try?
I had a fear if I quit....Who would like me sober?...Nobody knew me sober. I didn't know myself sober.
Fear of failure was Key...What if I tried one more time and let myself and everyone else down?...Again.
I had a fear of boredom...What would I do with all that time I had spent getting drunk or nursing hangovers?
I had a huge fear of never having a drink again...It was the answer to all my problems...I was wrong...Turned out to be the cause.
I had a fear of losing all my friends....Friends?...All I did was get drunk with these people...And they're still getting drunk..If I stuck with them....I'd probably be dead...I found new friends that don't drink.
I had a fear of seeking help....I think I was scared it might work.
I had a fear of losing the only thing I knew....When it cost me everything I had.
I had a fear I would look weak if I quit...When admitting I was beaten was the strongest thing I ever did.
I had a fear I wouldn't be able to meet women...Because I'm a lot cooler when I drink.
I had a fear everyone was against me and my drinking....When all they wanted was for me to see it...and get help.
I had a fear I couldn't even pray myself out of this one...Who would listen to prayers from a drunk like me?
I had a fear I was a bad person...I wasn't bad....Just sick
I had a fear I would live.....Because I hated living...
I had a fear I would die....A doctor told me I would...If I just kept drinking.
I had a fear of walking into my first AA meeting....This one terrified me....But I did it....And here I am.

Gr8ful4Life

Wow, this was so true... so very true for me...

Looking back I see that most everything I did (or didn't do) was related to fear in one way or another... It took alot to finally admit that, but when I did my life begin to change for the better...

desertsong

That was awesome and describes me to a T. I am only recently realizing how much of a role that fear has in our lives. It's impossible to live without fear (there are healthy fears, of course) but unhealthy fears can be deadly when it comes to alcoholism. I found out the hard way.

Thanks for that - much to ponder in this post.

Anna

Yeah, when I looked back I realized all the decisions I'd made in my life, big and small, were based on fear. This started in childhood (decades before I began to drink) and continued. But now I dance in the light.

Sapling

Yeah it started in my childhood too Anna...So did drinking...And that just threw GAS on the fears I already had....

Purplecatlover

Sapling,
Thanks for this post. I'm glad you faced your fears & are finding life again.
You are an inspiration. Thanks for all your contributions on SR.
Glad AA has helped lead you out of the darkness.

johnny2times

you fleshed that one out a bit then sapling? lol I'dve just said something like 'i'm johnny, im an alcoholic, im consumed with self and its driven by a thousand fears!

Sapling

I needed repetitive ass whippings johnny...To even realise they were there.

Zencat

Fear certainly is a big hindrance that has keep me from doing some of the things in life that would like to do. Anxiety unlike fear is where I have a dread, apprehension, distress, and uneasiness in general without being able to identify any reason or object as to why I'm anxious.

Facing my fears is important for moving forward in my life. managing my anxieties is important so I can feel comfortable with the positive changes I have made in my life.

Great post Sapling, got me to thinking about what move I need to do next.

LoftyIdeals

Thanks, Sapling. You've helped me with my 4th step.

Sapling

How cool is that?