asimplelife

I think I might be. I posted my first thread on the forum for family members. While I was writing my post I started to think that I may be an alcoholic myself and not just my husband. How do I know for sure?

I went through the questions listed and some of them do apply to me. Many of them don't. I feel like I can quit at any time but I don't. My husband tempts me on a regular basis. It is hard for me to resist the temptation. Does this mean that I am an alcoholic and I need help.

Do I have to completely stop before I can get him to? He isn't interested in stopping even though he is so much worse than I am.

I just wish I knew for sure and accepted in my heart that I have a problem. I don't know.

Any suggestions for me?

johnny2times

hello, tell us about your drinking, how often, how much, can you have a few and leave it, and whats your behaviour like when drunk?

asimplelife

Well, I have been a drinker for many years. I am 42. My New Years resolution is always that I am going to NOT drink during the week and save it for the week-end. My husband makes these commitments with me but when he changes his mind mid week I always go along with him. I drink on average about three to four glasses of wine a night, every night. Usually, almost a bottle and he drinks a bottle and maybe a bit of mine. Sometimes we start out with a beer or two each.

Usually, I just go right to sleep. Sometimes when I listen to music, I get pretty happy and want to dance/ play the music loud. I am a happy drunk. Sigh.

I can take a few drinks and leave it but I have a hard time not drinking on days when I say that I won't. For example, I told myself that I would not drink while he was out of town this week. I found that after three days I was really wanting a drink so I got a bottle of wine. I drank it all watching t.v. Now, I haven't had a drink for two days.

I really want to stop for a long time. I want to set an example for my husband, but he tempts me quite hard. I find that when I drink, my inhibitions go down and I cheat on my diet as well. (A separate issue) I think I would be better on my diet and better in my life if I didn't drink.

I don't know if I need to stop forever. I feel like he does. That probably means that I do, too. He won't, though. Sorry, this probably seems like a rambling, non thought out post. I just feel confused today.

Sapling

Hey simplelife...welcome to SR..Your husband doesn't want to quit..right?....Have you talked to him about quittting for yourself?

Dee74

Hi asimplelife

I think an easier way to look at the problem is to set your husband to one side for the moment and ask yourself 'does my drinking cause me problems?'

If the answers yes then I think you owe it to yourself to do something about that.

If you find yourself being tempted to drink, maybe the solution is finding more sober support for yourself? Coming here is a good start

D

BillyPilgrim

Ok simple, lets take it like cigarettes, nice adverts on billboards inviting you to give up, you know the damage that they do to you internally. You know that they cost you a lot of money, and that you crave them
Some people's smoking can be anti social when it is in your face
You give up smoking, and everybody praises you, because smoking is seen as bad and you have stopped

Now substitute drinking for smoking.
You drink almost every night, you cant leave a bottle unopened - my gf can leave a bottle in the fridge for weeks on end.

I did not want to admit I was an alcoholic, hey I did not lie on the pavement clutching a bottle of Buckfast I had a job


I went home , I drank a bottle of wine, I fell asleep on the sofa
I also stopped and did not have withdrawal symptoms (or at least major ones)
You would not be posting if you did not think you had a problem. The label you put on yourself is up to you, however until you confront it and do something solid then you will stay in that limbo
You cant do it on your own, and if your husband is tempting you to drink, you will find it very difficult to stop.
You therefore need to go to AA or similar , call it overAveragedrinkers Anonymous if you want.
There is a solution out there, we have no police force in SR to enforce it, it has to come from you.
I am nearly 8 weeks sober now, it has been hard, but I feel so much better, I take each day one at a time, and dont drink. The support I get from SR helps tremendously, but it is your decision to give up and yours alone.
The good will start after that.

asimplelife

No, my husband doesn't want to quit. Boo.

Does my drinking cause me problems? Yes, I guess that it does.

I am glad that I found this forum. I didn't drink yesterday and I haven't yet today. I won't. It is 8p.m. and I am in the house for the night.

I have told him before that I wanted to quit. Truly, it is old news to him. I have said it a million times.

asimplelife

Thanks, Billy. That is an interesting way to look at it. I don't have to label it. If I don't like how the alcohol makes me feel and I don't stop doing it, then I have a problem stopping.

Currently, I live in a foreign country and I feel uncomfortable here. I don't think I have an AA option in my language, but maybe I do. I could check it out. Huh.

Sapling

I don't want to sugarcoat this for you asimplelife...You sound to me like you have a problem with alcohol and the thought of stopping for good scares you more than anything else...How do I know this?...I had the same thought...I felt the same way.

BillyPilgrim

I know it is difficult in foreign countries, there is another guy here who posts from foreign climes with no access to AA, that I don't know how to get around, you could start a thread to ask, people will give you ideas.
I do go to AA, but I think the support here is greater, you get it when you need it, the times I have been tempted by a drink, and just logged on and the temptation has gone away.
You do need your husband to support you. I am sure if you discussed it with him, he wouldnt force drink as an issue.
I dont wear a label, I have outed myself with the A word to those close to me, to others I have just given up (though I would guess they know why) . I reserve going nuclear and using the A word if someone overencourages me to take that drink
The first step is to realise that drink is a problem. That takes a long time to sink in, once it does it seems so simple a solution you wonder why it never occurred to you before
Good luck, keep posting
Billy

johnny2times

From what you said in the first paragraph, 3-4 glasses everynight...then the short answer would be yes, you are drinking alcoholicly, not to chronic levels (everyones different though) but thats still considered alcoholic, just be aware of it, as it could well develop into something much worse, id advise you to nip it in the bud soonest really, dont end up where i and many others did...its horrific! do you think you can stop on your own? if not find a local AA meeting and pop along and have a chat, they will help you

Sapling

That's a bottle of wine plus a few beers every night...Here's another way to look at it...Do you have control of when you start to drink?...And once you start...Do you have control of when you stop?...It doesn't sound like it.

PS...Alcoholism is progressive...It doesn't get better with time...

asimplelife

Thank you so much for responding to me. You have given me so much to think about. I don't know what I expected you to say. That I didn't have a problem? That drinking a bottle of wine every night of the week is normal? That my nose is not always red because I have a drinking problem? Boo.

I guess I am sad to read all of this but in a way I am not. It confirms a lot of things in my mind. I "thought" I had a problem. You all are telling me I do. Means I was right. I knew it, didn't I? I don't even know what to do right now. I guess not drink tomorrow. Weird.

I guess I will tell my husband that I want to quit. No, he will not force me, but he will tempt me. It makes me sad. Romantic dinners, BBQ by the pool, all that. I guess you guys know exactly what I mean and suffer with this yourself.

I cannot believe that every time I have logged in here someone has responded to me. What drives complete strangers to care for what is happening in my life? From the bottom of my soul, I thank you.

DoinThis

Hi there, I think truly stopping, giving it your ALL to stop, just for a month, clear your head, look back and ask yourself the same question again. If u can't stop just for a month then that's answered your question for u. All the best hun!

BillyPilgrim

and you dont have to give up romantic meals or bbqs by the pool
you just have to not drink at romantic meals and bbqs by the pool
you will be amazed at what you can do after a romantic meal if you are not blotto

johnny2times

no need to be sad me dear, you should be happy ,you've caught it in time, there is a much better quality of life on offer to you now in sobriety, and a design for living from aa that will light up your life (should you choose it)

to answer your last question, we do it because we care, and because helping others helps us in return best wishes ..johnny

Sapling

I guess it's probably what you expected to hear...You could keep trying different sites till you get the answer you want...Or you can start taking some action before that bottle a night turns into two.

sugarbear1

Glad you're here!

Spinach

This place or the people here are fantastic and supportive and helpful.
The lable doesn't matter are you happy about your drinking ? Would your life be better without.
Work from there. Your husband has to make his decisions And it might make it more difficult for you to quit but it 's so worth it in my newfound soberiety at least.
Good luck and keep us posted.
John.

2granddaughters

A normal person who thought that "something" might be causing them grief would quit doing that "something". If you quit drinking because it "may" be causing you grief your answer to whether you are an alcoholic or not will come soon enough.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R