Eliasson

I am so ashamed. I had almost 7 months and drank again. Not much. A couple glasses for 2 or 3 nights. Nothing traumatic happened. But my depression is back with a vengeance. I don't want to continue on and believe I'm in the middle of some kind of nervous breakdown. Its like all the stress of the last 2 years is piling up on me suddenly. I am crying constantly and feel so alone. Is this from the alcohol? I don't really want to keep drinking, but I hate the label "alcoholic" and honestly don't know if AA is for me? I feel lost. Pls help.

Anna

So, forget about the label. I have never focused on the label because I am so much more than an alcoholic.

sugarbear1

Many options are available. I wish you hope.

Ghostlight

I've been where you are so many times. I understand. Know one said itwould be easy, but it's SO worth it.

What works for me is, thinking that first drink through to end, and the suffering it will bring.

My heart goes out to you, and ,yes, you can do it.

Best to you.

SSIL75

What support do you have for all your troubles? are you any closer to getting out of your marriage? Your depression is a natural response to your life at the moment. My heart goes out to you, truly.

RobbyRobot

You had success with your past 7 months. Don't believe those months are worthless because you had some drinks. Somethings good and right were going on during those past 7 months. There is help for you in self-examining what was working.

You can do this. Again.

gr8fl2aa

You slipped, put it behind you and move ahead. If you can not accept the fact you are an alcoholic, you might not be ready for AA. I want to suggest that you not give up on it, as it does have the best record of keeping people sober.

And while each AA meeting is the same, each one is also different. Try different meetings and try to find with with people you can relate with. And listen for similarities, not differences, we're good at looking at the differences....

You're not ready until you're ready (to truly quit drinking/using).

I wish you the best, it is not easy to do, but it is simple.

Also, humility and humiliation do not have to go hand in hand.

for having the honesty to state what happened, thank you for sharing.

gplmdyw

The "depression" you feel is probably just fear of going back and what people will think of you, and beating yourself up which is what this disease does. Don't let it win! Many before you have had numerous relapses, we're not that unique, we just think we are!
The 24-hour-a-day book has a great reading on relapse. It says that if an alcoholic relapses, he or she goes back to the group, says what happened, and that is to be the end of it. Anyone who "gossips" won't truly be looked down on well, and that behavior is spiritually immature. Pay no mind to it, we are a strange group of people.
If it's just about how you feel about yourself, get out of yourself and think of who you might help by being honest. Put one foot in front of the other, get back to the meeting, and you'll feel much better afterwards. it could well change the course of your life.
Best of luck.

hypochondriac

If you don't feel that AA is for you have you looked into other options such as AVRT or SMART?

awuh1

I am not my title. I am not my occupation, my marital status, my race or my gender. Yet each of these describes some facet of my life. I accept them all, regardless of what others might think. I don’t introduce myself to new acquaintances as an alcoholic ……. often.

There are occasions when acknowledging this, right off the bat, is the right thing for me to do. It’s rare, but there are situations where it’s called for. I do it because the situation calls for it. Not for my benefit, but because doing so might help another person. I find that I gain a curious sort of strength in this rather humbling confession. I do it because I want to participate in the greater good.

I don’t have a problem any longer with the label, because it’s the truth. Below is a passage from the Tao Te Ching that I find helpful in this regard:

"Live in accordance with the nature of things:
Build your house on solid ground
Keep your mind still
When giving, be kind
When speaking, be truthful
When ruling, be just
When working, be one-pointed
When acting, remember -- timing is everything.

One who lives in accordance with nature does not go against the way of things
He moves in harmony with the present moment always knowing the truth of just what to do."

Jitterbugg

I think we all have experienced that terrible anxiety after drinking. It is normal and it will pass....if you stay sober!

desertsong

Eliasson, welcome to the club. I am the Relapse Queen. Back at Day 12 after my 3rd relapse in a year. Look at it as a learning experience ... one thing I've discovered is that while they SUCKED, every relapse taught me something valuable about myself. For that reason, they weren't entirely wastes of time. Each time was worse than the one before it, and this last time was the worst. If nothing else, they have taught me that moderation doesn't exist for me. I'm either drunk or sober - period. One drink is too many, and a thousand isn't enough.

You got 7 months ... you can and you WILL do it again. Don't beat yourself up and get back on the horse. In retrospect your "slip" could have been way, way worse. Make today the day you start again. You already know you can do this.

Dee74

Hi Eliasson

I'm sorry you drank and I'm sorry you feel bad - I think it's a natural reaction to drinking again and confirming what you already knew - there are no answers for any of your problems there.

Noone wants to be an alcoholic - if you don't want to wear the label, then don't wear it - but I do think it's important that drinkers like you and me accept that we have a bad relationship with alcohol and always will.

Your answers and solutions lie elsewhere Eliasson
I'm glad you're back

D

Hevyn

I'm glad you're back too. Yes, you can do this. I felt the same as you many times, but I am now 4 yrs. sober. There is a way out of the misery. Please keep trying.

least

A lot of us wear that title. I relapsed over and over and felt helpless and hopeless. But I was neither. So I picked myself up and started again. And now have over two years sober. It can be done but you've got to give it your all. Never give up!

sissy07

Elliasson,

I have been thinking about you but didn't want to be invasive sending you a p.m. You are dealing with so much - that complicates sobriety.

You sent me such nice pm's, and I consider you a friend. I alsost relapsed the other night...the thing that saved me was that I got on SR and spilled my guts - and the help from the outstanding, understanding members got me through it.

You are facing a lot. But you need to stop drinking right now. And don't feel that usual guilt, shame and all those other self-defeatiing emotions that will lead you to drink again. Just start over. You did not entirely lose that seven months....you surely learned about yourself, and your strength. Just regroup and take the dive back into sobriety. You mean a lot to me....you helped me so much when I was close to hopelessness. You are a wonderful person, and you deserve to give yourself a break and get back on the wagon. I am so very sorry. Scrape up everything positive and strong and start over. Please pm me to talk if you think it would help. I like you very much and will do anything I can to help you. You are too good of a person to allow alcohol to make you miserable. I know how you feel....I relapsed many times when I first began not drinking during those eras of sobriety. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you with all you have to handle. Please, please stop (did you check the State contacts I gave you?) If you didn't that is ok - I understand. Take care, honey and please stay in contact. You were one of the members that I relied on in the beginning....and I still rely of you now. I am pulling for you, and wish I could do something to help you. Best wishes. I totally understand, and I respect you for your honest post. Hugs. Elizabeth

2granddaughters

Why not give AA a try??...... give it 7 months and see what happens?

It's kept me dry and helped me with my "isms" for over 22 yrs, might just work for you.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Zencat

Hi Eliasson.

If you don't identify as an alcoholic or feel AA is not for you, that's not going to be a problem, unless you make it one. You have found a way to remain sober for 7 months, that is a big accomplishment. You have had a short lapse back into old behaviors, well that can happen.

Now would be a good time to reevaluate your recovery plan and see if there are some changes or additions to the plan that can help you get back on track with your recovery. Maybe going to AA could help, one never knows until they try something out. It may also be time to consider medical help. Its a good practice to have the body/mind checked out from time to time.

Hang in there, I'm pulling for you .

CaiHong

Hi Eliasson,

I was thinking about you yesterday wondering how you were doing as I hadn't seen you on the forum lately.

I would give AA a go, at least read the BB. I can,t make meetings but I listen to speakers and read and post on the AA forum as well as this one.

I have been relieved of my obsession with drinking and the underlying depression and anxiety. I have been amazed at the changes..

I have surrendered to my HP and feel so relieved of the burden of living.
I sincerely hope you find your way.

love and hugs
caiHong

NewBeginning010

Dont be hard on yourself, you quit for 210 days & had a couple for the last four days... thats a win in my book. Dont give up!

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher