A couple of small victories
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
A couple of small victories
1 This lying "friend" who made up many things about me & is manipulative, called me. I did not answer nor plan to respond. OK it seems like a normal thing, but here in Codie Land this is a HUGE step forward!! I realized "with friends like these who needs enemies??"
2 This woman from Elementary school who always ignored me (she was part of the "cool" gang) all through High school- tried to befriend me in Facebook. I was about to Accept then went "when did she ever approached me?? when did she ever ask 'how are you'???" so I said NO. OK, another example that seems like.. DUHHHHH.. .but to me was a huge step as well!
*****!! some friendship boundaries
Ah, when you know what a real friend DOES, these 'decisions' are way easier to make. It took me 30 years but at least I am getting there
2 This woman from Elementary school who always ignored me (she was part of the "cool" gang) all through High school- tried to befriend me in Facebook. I was about to Accept then went "when did she ever approached me?? when did she ever ask 'how are you'???" so I said NO. OK, another example that seems like.. DUHHHHH.. .but to me was a huge step as well!
*****!! some friendship boundaries
Ah, when you know what a real friend DOES, these 'decisions' are way easier to make. It took me 30 years but at least I am getting there
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Congrats TakingCharge! It is amazing when we start finding that power inside ourselves. I used to be so desperate for approval and love that I let people walk all over me. Today, I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are true friends that love me for who I am, not who I pretend to be. 
I am doing a "happy dance" for you! Hugs, Magic
I am doing a "happy dance" for you! Hugs, Magic
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks Magic!! and thanks for your support in the other thread about my work, it really did help me feel better.
I do not have many real friends either but between the real friends, family and SR family I have everything I need and more.... Hugs, enjoy the rest of the weekend!
I do not have many real friends either but between the real friends, family and SR family I have everything I need and more.... Hugs, enjoy the rest of the weekend!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
well done, tc. i find my recovery is now extended to other dysfunctional relationships/situations also. for example, last night was saturday night and i was walking home from the grocery store around 8pm, passing all of the pubs. i thought, naive, you really should pop in for a drink or two, just to be social. it's saturday night, afterall."
then i "played it all the way through", as i have been taught here at SR. i recalled that everyone in the pub would be many drinks into their night. i remember how much all those people spoke behind my back when xABF and i split. i realized how cold stone sober i was and that they would be all silly alcohol fake nice.
i pressed on into the night with my groceries. after putting them away, i chopped up some mangos and pineapple for a healthy juice in the morning. i lit 5 candles in my office, just for me. then i called my mother in america, who was so happy to hear from me.
detaching now, for me, is bigger than detaching from xABF. for me, it means now to look at a situation or people and seeing the bigger picture and making the right, healthy choice for myself. it means breaking some destructive habits or patterns with other people. it means walking as soon as the disrespect begins.
i have tolerated way too much for way too long. no more!
so, i think it's a big deal you not permitting those people back into your life.
onwards!
then i "played it all the way through", as i have been taught here at SR. i recalled that everyone in the pub would be many drinks into their night. i remember how much all those people spoke behind my back when xABF and i split. i realized how cold stone sober i was and that they would be all silly alcohol fake nice.
i pressed on into the night with my groceries. after putting them away, i chopped up some mangos and pineapple for a healthy juice in the morning. i lit 5 candles in my office, just for me. then i called my mother in america, who was so happy to hear from me.
detaching now, for me, is bigger than detaching from xABF. for me, it means now to look at a situation or people and seeing the bigger picture and making the right, healthy choice for myself. it means breaking some destructive habits or patterns with other people. it means walking as soon as the disrespect begins.
i have tolerated way too much for way too long. no more!
so, i think it's a big deal you not permitting those people back into your life.
onwards!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
Good for you TC999! And you too, naive. It's true, some people wouldn't understand, but those are HUGE accomplishments! Detachment and boundaries are things I'm learning to use not only in regards to my A, but in all areas of my life, wherever needed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((TC))) and (((Naive))) - Yes, those are HUGE steps forward. I spent many years as a doormat, and it feels pretty darned good to realize that I can set boundaries and detach with ANYONE in my life..it doesn't just have to be my dysfunctional family.
I don't have it perfected, by any means, but I realized the other day that when I thought of the people who are in my life now? They're great (other than the still dysfunctional immediate family). It's like discovering a whole new world when we stop allowing people to use us or stomp all over our boundaries
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I don't have it perfected, by any means, but I realized the other day that when I thought of the people who are in my life now? They're great (other than the still dysfunctional immediate family). It's like discovering a whole new world when we stop allowing people to use us or stomp all over our boundaries
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Naive, I wanted to say great job to you also!
I know it is so hard to walk by all that false frivolity to trudge on home alone, I have struggled and lost that battle many times in the past.
I am so glad you went home and did something special just for you!
I am very proud of all of you, you make me feel like we are all helping each other up the mountain, it does not matter who gets to the top first, or who plants the flag, as long as we all make it. as long as no one gets left behind.
Thanks you all so much for your strength.
Big hugs to all of you!
I know it is so hard to walk by all that false frivolity to trudge on home alone, I have struggled and lost that battle many times in the past.
I am so glad you went home and did something special just for you!
I am very proud of all of you, you make me feel like we are all helping each other up the mountain, it does not matter who gets to the top first, or who plants the flag, as long as we all make it. as long as no one gets left behind.
Thanks you all so much for your strength.
Big hugs to all of you!
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